Two Ways to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
Looking for ways to get your ex-boyfriend back? Well, good news is that there is probably a lot of hope for your relationship to rekindle.
In fact, I believe most relationships end unnecessarily. The question you have to ask yourself is this: Is he the toxic factor or is the relationship just temporarily toxic? Toxic relationships are relationships that cause you pain. In my e-program Inspire His Love For You coauthor Sarah Jeanette and I call toxic relationships Pain Cycles, because they cycle you through continuous moments of pain and suffering.
A good relationship ADDS to your life. It makes you feel MORE secure with who you are. It makes you feel like you have MORE energy for other areas of your life. When I was in Pain Cycle relationships, I always wasted time and burned energy on thinking about the relationship. Now that I’m in a good relationship, I feel like I get more done than I did when I was single. I feel confident to go after my career dreams because of my man’s supportive love and I feel more energetic to go after my goals because he fuels me with comforting attention and affection.
Now, toxic relationships can still be good relationships that have rusted over. A rusty relationship doesn’t mean that there isn’t still gold under all the bull-crap. If you truly feel that your relationship is worth saving and that you could have a beautiful life with your ex if only you both could tweak some aspects of the relationship dynamic, then take these suggestions to help you get your ex back:
Get You Ex-Boyfriend Back: Step 1. Self-provide your emotional needs:
Most relationships end because both partners are not getting their emotional needs met in the relationship, and as a result, both partners become too needy to be there for one another.
For example, if I am starved emotionally of affection and patience from my man, I’m not going to have it in me to touch him and make love to him in a way that makes him feel emotionally satisfied by our relationship.
The best way to start getting what you need from your man is to find a way to independently heal and refuel those parts of yourself that feel starved of his love. When you do this for yourself, you will feel less angry, sad, insecure and on edge around him and will instead have time to attend to his needs. And when you attend to his needs without too much heaviness attached to your motives (by heaviness I mean your emotional stress associated with your neglected needs surrounding the relationship), he will feel comfortable accepting your attention and will eventually start attending to your needs again like he did in the beginning of the relationship when everything was roses.
So the best way to attend to your own emotional needs:
1. Find out what they are.
2. Be creative about ACTIVELY getting them met.
First, make a long list of every single thing you love about your partner, and then make another list next to that one where you describe what personal need/s you have that are met by that quality you love in him:
So my lists would look like this:
- his ability to listen well My need that’s met from his ear: A need to expose my feelings.
- his laugh My need that’s met from his laughter: A need to enjoy life
- his sex My need that’s met from his sex: A need for sexual arousal
- his talent My need that’s met from his talent as an artist: A need to feel associated with talented people
- his patience My need that’s met from his patience: A need to feel respected and accepted for all I am.
Then I will look at my second list and figure out ways to get each need met.
So, for example:
- I need my man to listen to my day. I need him to hear me when I express all my feelings surrounding all the events the transpired over my day.
- So, how to I get that need met without him? I call friends, family members,my therapist and most effectively– I write in my journal.
Once I get everything out, I feel better. And when my man seems to be distancing himself from our relationship, I stop talking to him about ME so much and I go to my diary. When I do this, I feel like I have more room for his words and feelings and guess what happens every time? He slowly starts opening up more. When every silence isn’t filled with my yapping, he slowly feels comfortable talking about his issues. First, I’ll get a comment or two from him and I’ll just listen or comment back but avoid talking about me in any way. Eventually he’ll start talking more and more and coming closer and closer.
So, if you are like I am and need to voice all of your feelings and be heard all the time by your man, consider not yapping on and on about your life if and when he calls you again. Make a FEW comments about how you are taking care of your needs best you can, considering you both are broken up (don’t lie and make your life seem fabulous when you actually are suffering and miss him– that’s a game and he will see through it.) Let him do almost all the talking. If he isn’t that talkative, ask him questions about his life and be calm during the silences. Let him fill the silences instead of rushing to fill them, which makes you look too eager to please. And remember to keep your neediness out of your questions, so don’t ask if he is seeing anyone or if he misses you, etc.
Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back: Step 2. Don’t Be a Victim
Even if your man broke it off suddenly and you feel like you are living a nightmare that doesn’t seem real, don’t be a victim to your circumstances. You can be mad, sad, frustrated, confused, etc. All those feelings are valid and necessary, and they should be felt fully. All I’m asking is that you don’t let your break up stop you from living your life.
Don’t stop working out. Don’t start calling in sick to work or even quit your job. Don’t call him and cry and cry to him about how wounded you are because of him.
Feel your feelings but don’t let them make choices for you.
When your ex can see that you are genuine enough as a person to allow yourself to be honest about your negative, vulnerable feelings surrounding the break up, but you are also confident enough to not let a break up destroy your quest for happiness, he will want you back. He will feel your strength and will be reminded of your grace as a woman who doesn’t act rash in hard times.
Getting your ex back is just about making him feel like you are emotionally stronger than he may have once thought and that you can again be there for his needs like you once were when the relationship was just getting started. Keeping things peachy in love and saving your relationship is all about finding ways for both of you to get your needs met– with or without each other’s help. Of course, a relationship worth saving is one where you and your partner mutually tend to each other’s needs well.
Then, once you have him back in your life, you have to find the balance between expressing your feelings openly and not burdening him too much with your negative feelings.
My colleague has written a VERY EFFECTIVE system that offer highly effective ways to get your ex-boyfriend (or husband for that matter) back! Check it out by clicking HERE.
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