2 Ways To Help You Be Confident With Guys
To be confident with guys you must realize you are really not that important! Read on…
I don’t know about you, but I constantly have thoughts like, “Why did I do that? Now he thinks I’m needy and annoying” or “He’s acting like a jerk—I must have done something to upset him and now he’s thinking of leaving me.”
These thoughts are spoken by what I call my Host Voice and everyone has an evil voice like it. I call it a host because it’s like a parasite that lives in your head and lies to you. You believe that it’s YOU but it’s not you. It has trespassed into your mind and is feeding off your Juice—your life force.
Your Host Voice makes you second-guess yourself about everything and make you think that everything bad that happens is your fault. It makes you paranoid and brittle around men. You become like a porcelain dish—hard and easily shattered.
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When you can get a good handle on your host voice and recognize that it is a parasite and a liar, then you can up your price tag with men, instantly! Here are 2 ways to deal with your Host Voice so that you can immediately feel more confident with guys:
#1 Way To Be Confident With Guys: Tell Your Host Voice That It’s An Ego Maniac
Your host voice is telling you things like, “You made him run away” or “All your friends think you are a pathetic loser and secretly pity you.”
The truth is that this voice makes a lot of assumptions around the fact that you must be sooo important to others that the impression you set forth burns so fiercely into their brains that these people have to get away from you and will talk badly about you every chance they get.
The truth is that you aren’t that important. And that’s a good thing.
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You aren’t so important that a man’s entire mood is set around one thing you said or that your friends can’t stop talking crap about you.
You aren’t the center of a man’s existence and your friends have other things to talk about—like themselves.
Once I had to take a public speaking class and on the day of my first presentation, I was freaking out. I was so nervous and my host voice was OUT OF CONTROL. I told my teacher that I was seriously considering dropping the course that day and here’s what she told me; “You could get up there and burp and fart and none of your classmates would even notice. I might give you a poor grade if you did that, but your audience is so worried about their own speeches that they aren’t even listening to yours. Just pretend they aren’t there, because in many ways they aren’t.”
Remember this when with men. When on a date or when talking with your husband– he is so consumed with his own host voice, that you have a lot of opportunity to do and say things that he will forget in an hour. His focus is usually on himself.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women: How To Stop Giving Men Your Power!
Chances are that you didn’t MAKE some guy run away (he probably runs away from most women) and chances are that your friends don’t secretly pity you and if they do and they ARE talking smack, everything will change in a week or two and you’ll be helping them off the floor after some problem they’re having.
Not giving the host voice power to make you paranoid or to keep you feeling insecure and on edge will help you become much more attractive. A woman who can do a silly thing or say something inappropriate and then apologize or shrug it off as no biggie is so much sexier than a woman who can’t let something go and assumes that others care about it as much as she thinks they do.
#2 Way: Give Yourself “Soul Wants”
A soul want is something small that you do for your soul. It’s something that makes you feel better in a stressful moment when your self-confidence is on the line. It could be a walk in the park, a trip to the mall, a bag of veggie chips and a diet soda. Whatever it is, just listen to that tiny, calm, soft and sweet voice in your head (the one that usually gets drowned out by the host voice) and do what it asks of you.
When you listen to this lovely and self-loving voice more often, you learn to self-soothe. Self-soothing is so important; it’s the key to being a happy person in life. If you know what it is you need to do to take care of yourself in a bad situation you will automatically recover faster, forget the incident easier and won’t do anything self-destructive and impulsive in the process.
So… say your man hasn’t called you in five days. You had a great date and he has been MIA since. You thought he’d call, you thought things went great, but clearly something is wrong.
Well, you know how your host voice is going to respond. My lord, it longs for situations like these. It gets its nourishment from moments like these.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women: How To Make Him Addicted
Well, instead of screaming at your host voice (or worse, listening to it!), just laugh at it and tell it that it’s an ego maniac. Say, “Look, ego maniac—maybe you are right and he hasn’t called because he’s not interested anymore. Maybe he’s scared of looking too eager, maybe he’s stuck under a heavy piece of furniture. The point is that I am not that important to this man otherwise he’d be calling me. Let’s stop assuming that he hates me and thinks I’m the worst date he ever had, and start assuming that he’s probably not the guy who I want to be with anyway. I’m looking for Mr. Reliable and Mr. I-Love-My-Woman-And-Would-Never-Wait-So-Long-To-Call.”
Then ask your soul what it wants. Just say aloud, “Right now, I want to…” and wait for it. It will come. That li’l voice will step out from behind some dark corner and whisper girlishly in your ear.
Then get up and go get that FoYo or that manicure. Go buy a wedding magazine (this ALWAYS puts me is a blissful state of self-soothing) or a new beanie. Take care of #1, while continuing to remind your host voice that it’s way to big for its britches.
(Soul wants can also be acts of kindness and love toward others. Our soul wants to extend love to others as much as it wants to extend love to our own hearts. It doesn’t have to be some big charity project that feels overwhelming. Just head over to Starbucks and tell the person behind you that you want to buy their coffee because you want to extend kindness. It’s that simple and their expression of surprise and gratitude will quickly wash away thoughts of why he hasn’t called in five days!…
But remember that a soul want is never catered around your man. Don’t call him up and try to extend love and kindness to him. He’s part of the reason you feel stressed, and a soul want removes you from the problem, it doesn’t put you back inside the problem, trying to fix the issue.)
In my eProgram Inspire His Love For You, I talk a lot about your darkside. I give an analogy called the Log Analogy where your heart and your man’s heart are under opposite ends of a log and you have to walk the log to reach his love. I talk about how your perspective as you walk the log can have a huge effect on your success in bridging the gap. If you walk with confidence and don’t get hung up on moments where you “wobble”, you’ll make it across a lot easier than if you focus on the 50 foot drop below the log that gives you the illusion of death. Your host voice keeps you focused on the drop and on the small diameter of the log and the sturdiness of your feet. To make it across, you have to ignore this voice and trust in your ability to bridge the gap. This eProgram gives you the tools to make that happen.