Men love women who can stay in the moment with them and can help them get out of their heads (where they are swimming in thoughts of work pressures and other life responsibilities) and live in their own aliveness. A woman who can help guide a man to his own senses and feelings is the kind of goddess that men search their lives to find. How To Be More Intimate & Enchant Men Effortlessly
Here are 3 ways to be sensual and live more fully in the moment when on a first date with a man:
Be Sensual: Stay With Your Feelings & Voice Them
A sensual woman is fully in her body and listens to her heart. She is sensitive to how her environment affects her senses and knows when she’s blissful in a moment and when she’s irritated. Too many people ignore their feelings and disconnect from them in order not to appear difficult to others. This puts you in your head and takes you out of the moment. Resentments build and you lose your sense of playful enjoyment with the company you keep.
When on a first date, instead of stifling your negative feelings about something a date says that irks you or the unpleasant temperature in a restaurant or movie theater, speak up. Don’t get dramatic about it, just say, with confidence, that you are uncomfortable:
“I feel a little perturbed with what you just said. Could you help me understand what you meant.”
“This theater is really cold. I think I’ll go ask to turn down the air.”
The key is to listen to your feelings, give them a voice and move on. Try to get back to a positive connection. That should be your aim—to be constantly doing what you can to stay happy in your heart. This means not ignoring negative sensory input but dealing with it fast and effectively. This allows you and him a more positive space to get connected.
Use Words Effectively To Create “Sensory Bonding”
Every moment experienced with a man is a chance to let him inside your world and intoxicate him with your unique essence. Nothing does that more effectively than words. Your words are windows into your soul, so choose wisely.
A man doesn’t fall in love with a woman because she shares the same ideas and morals as him. A man may respect and care about a woman for these reasons, but he falls in love with the vulnerability in a woman. A woman’s exposed vulnerability makes a man want to protect and care for her.
Don’t only throw around ideas when on a date, but instead, speak about your feelings and provoked physical sensations to create an intimate connection. Refrain from trying to impress him with cerebral conversation or too much humor. These are both defense mechanisms and walls to intimacy. Instead use words to express and expose how life has directly affected your underbelly.
When telling a man a story (or conversing about a subject), talk about how an event (or an issue) touched you. So, for example, instead of intellectually dissecting the structure of a film you just saw together, talk about how it made you feel and what senses it stimulated; “That moment when the mother kissed her son—I felt like a child again, so soothed inside. I could smell the warm bread she was baking in that kitchen.”
Share your feelings openly with him and give him a sense of the poetic side of you. This allows for connection through what I call “sensory bonding.” Sensory bonding is when someone bonds with another over a shared sensory experience. Sensory bonding on a first date makes a man think, “There’s something about her that I connect with on this unspoken level. I feel like there’s a commonality of life. The way she expresses herself, it makes me feel myself and I can see that we understand each other on a deep level.” It makes him feel connected to your soul and to his own life force. He feels truly alive inside, just like what poetry does to a person.
Soothe & Comfort Him As You Listen
Some people would argue that a sensual woman sacrifices her sensitivity to indulge herself in the pleasure of the now. But I argue that a sensual woman is sensual in more than just the 5 physical senses of sight, touch, sound, taste and smell. She is also extremely sensitive and empathic to the emotional needs of those around her, making sensitivity her 6th sense. She knows how to feel out the silent spaces hinged between the words of another person.
When on a first date, chances are you aren’t going to have to comfort and soothe a man’s extreme feelings of despair or anguish like you would if he were a friend in crisis. But you can still take opportunities to make him feel like you are a blanket around his emotions, calming and caressing them quiet and calm.
Know those li’l jackets they sell for doggies that hold them tight during a thunderstorm? The pressure around the dogs’ midsections makes them feel soothed. Well, I want you to be like one of these li’l jackets because that’s where true intimacy breeds.
When your date starts opening up, take the opportunity to not just listen, but to hear his feelings. If he talks about his stressful job and all his responsibilities there, tell him what you see as he speaks; “Wow. That sounds stressful.”
Then follow it up with a validating comment that makes him feel supported; “It’s commendable that you can wake up every morning and face those kinds of challenges head-on.”
You could also give him the gift of empathy by extending him permission to not have to feel that way, “You seem like a hardworking guy, you should give yourself a break now and then and just find small ways to be calm and loving to yourself. You deserve it!”
When you can see another person’s emotional experience and soothe and validate those feelings for him (being his li’l jacket), he will feel like he needs you in his life. The first date could end with him rushing to call a friend to say one of those cheesy movie lines; “I don’t know how I ever got along without this woman!”
Being a sensual woman who is brave enough to speak up, confident enough to expose her vulnerability and wise enough to hear a man’s unspoken emotion is so easy. It just feels, at first, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. However, the more you practice, the more automatic it becomes, and you soon realize that you’ve been blocking yourself from intimacy and connection for too long.
My eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You offers more tips on how to be sensual and live in your feminine energy so that the real you, the goddess inside, can finally break surface and touch the hearts of men everywhere.