Do You Have Too Much Masculine Energy With Men?
Masculine energy screams at a man, “Rough me up, big boy, I dare you. I can take it!” And there is nothing romantic and loving about a man feeling that coming at him from a lady! He may want to bang you, but get close to you emotionally? Nope.
Look, masculine energy isn’t a bad thing in a woman. I have LOADS of it and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my relationship. The key is to balance it with feminine energy when relating with your man. Men don’t want to be with other men who just happen to have vaginas, they want to be with women who feel, smell and sound like women.
What Masculine Energy Does
Men ARE attracted to masculine energy; however, it’s for reasons that don’t equal love. Masculine energy in a woman is sexy to a man; it makes his honey-stick hard as a rock, exciting him in ways that he can’t even understand. (This is why you save this energy for the bedroom!) The problem with masculine energy is that it makes men compete with you, challenge you and play other various power games with you. Sound fun? It can be but so is playing with fire. Both will burn you. Why?
Men don’t fall deeply in love with masculine energy. They may obsess over a chick with it for a while, chasing a challenging dame or having amazing sex with a mistress who has bucket-loads of sass and fire, but love happens for a man in an entirely different place. Love comes from the heart and feminine energy captures a man’s heart.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: How To Mesmerize A Man With Your Femininity [VIDEO]
Masculine energy starts and ends with the crotch! It will make you love to argue, throw your weight around, be demanding, act hot and spicy for him. This is all good and dandy and there certainly is a place for this in a relationship, but masculine energy also walls you up. It makes you defensive, hot inside and protective of your inner child. It gives you an aura of “Don’t mess with me!!”. These things may be qualities you covet in yourself and admire in other women, but they aren’t qualities that are going to make a man feel safe with you. And emotional security in a relationship is where deep love breeds.
Feminine Energy Breeds Love
Even the most macho of men (actually, these guys are the most mushy inside) want to have a place where they can take off their ‘man armor’ and feel safe to open up, be vulnerable and be taken care of. Men can’t feel vulnerable around masculine energy because it’s too challenging for them. When you have masculine energy with a man who is trying to open up, he is going to feel like you are telling him to “buck up, you pussy!”. He doesn’t want to feel like that with you. He’s got male friends to do this with. And he certainly WON’T romance you if he feels you are threatening his sensitive side.
Masculine energy in a woman also makes a man feel mothered instead of taken care of. What’s the difference? Mothers have to be authoritative and controlling to a healthy degree. A child needs some structure and a strong parental figure to look to for guidance. The nurturer in you is actually masculine, believe it or not. It’s the same qualities that make for a great, loved boss that also make for a wonderful mom. Look at those women on Nanny911. They have tons of masculine energy (polite yet forceful, strict but loving). Would you want to jump in the sack with them?
If you have masculine energy with a man, he is going to feel castrated. You know how many husbands feel castrated by their polite yet bossy and passively controlling wives? More than you’d like to know. How do I know? They write me all the time, asking me to help their wives and even trying to woo me out of a desperate loneliness and need for validation. This is actually the reason a lot of immature (and some mature) men cheat– they feel castrated and they don’t have the spine and communication skills to speak up about their feelings and needs.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: 5 Ways To Magnetize Men On The First Date
When you have feminine energy, you don’t dictate, control, manage, belittle a man. You automatically make him feel like he can do anything and the world is his oyster. Feminine energy allows a man to expose himself without fear of being nagged, pressured to change himself, judged, condescended, or manipulated. He will know that he can share his underbelly with you and you will hold his truths in your soul like its a heart-shaped locket around your neck.
Feminine Energy Invites A Man To Be Romantic With You
When you bleed feminine energy from your pores, a man can’t help but feel a sense of duty to protect you and shield you from the big bad world. Yes, okay, you are perfectly capable of shielding yourself, but you are also capable of cooking for yourself and this doesn’t stop you from loving a great dinner at a five star restaurant where someone else serves YOU. Romance is same. If you allow yourself to feel soft, sensitive, silly, goofy, laugh-y, sensuous and even unnerved in the presence of a good man, you will trigger his Prince Charming gene. Every man has this gene, it’s just a question of provoking his.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: Sensuality Seduction Tips From A Ghost Orchid
Feminine energy also makes a man romantic because it makes him want to ravish you. When a man sees the more vulnerable and tender side of you (this is more than just a soft voice and a polite attitude– this is about emotional surrender to the moment and to his advances), he will feel horny and eager to put his maleness inside you. It’s a very primal thing and it’s extremely visceral. It’s NOT about the kind of rough and hot sex that masculine energy ignites in his groin and imagination; this is less about conquering and more about possessing. The difference is everything. A man can want to conquer you sexually (tame the shrew) but if he wants to possess you, that’s about closeness. Wanting to possess a woman will make a man romantic and inspire him to woo her like his cherished angel. It will make him want to ravish you and protect you all at the same time: “I’m gonna keep her safe from all those horny men out there who want to sexually consume her the way I want to!”
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You is my ebook for women who want to own their feminine energy and use their masculine energy to help them succeed in the world outside of men and love.
What Attracts A Man To A Woman? Goddess Energy!
Wondering what attracts a man to a woman? Men are vastly different as individuals but are very easy to understand as a collective whole.
Most straight men want to find that special woman who makes them feel like they can go out into the world and accomplish anything. The average good guy wants a woman he can proudly stand beside at a public function, a woman who understands and fulfills his sexual needs, a woman who trusts in herself and stands up for herself when necessary, and most importantly a woman who ‘gets’ him on a deep emotional level. This type of woman has goddess energy!
So how to you harness your female power to emit goddess energy and quickly and easily become the best version of yourself for your relationship? Well, first, you have to stop doing things for the relationship and for him and you have to start doing things for yourself. I don’t mean that you become a demanding diva with your nose in the air and your finger pointing constantly at the things you want your man to do for you. I do, however, want you to relish in selfishness.
Selfishness is first part of a spiritual journey and the first step toward having the kind of goddess energy your man adores.
Read More From Connect With His Heart: Harness Your Feminine Allure & Captivate Men (Part 1)
Many spirituality teachers discuss the importance of being selfish. You must have self-love if you are to love anyone. If you don’t take the time to know yourself and accept yourself on a deep level (this requires you to be self-centered), you will always put your anxiety and negative self-reflection out into the world. You will try to control and manage others instead of act truly giving and loving free of charge. You will pull the kinds of reactions you want from people instead of allow them to feel fully accepted in your presence. Why? Because without self-love and self-acceptance you’re too reliant on others to feed you love. Your lack of self-love will make you desperate to fill the seeping bottomless pit of lovelessness in your heart with other people’s loving words and actions.
When you are truly selfish, YOU provide for yourself and you get to know your body and mind to the point of being able to know when you need to pamper yourself and when you feel ‘charged’ enough with positive loving energies to go out into the world and truly do for others. Having goddess energy is knowing when to look out for yourself and when to do what you can for your man.
When you don’t put yourself first, you rely too heavily on your man to make you happy. You get hypersensitive to everything he says and does and you become paranoid. This happens because you give him too much power. You need too much from him, and when the cards are all in his hand, you feel out-of-control. You try to regain control by controlling him-- what he says, where he goes, how he shows you affection, etc.
Goddesses aren’t codependent; codependent women are so entangled in a man, they don’t know where he ends and they begin.
Codependent women try to soothe, nurture and love a man for all the wrong reasons– they do these things to soothe, nurture and love themselves. This kind of transference feels really smothering and weird to a man. It can fill him with anxiety: Constant soothing makes the receiver feel like he is being soothed because something is wrong, and this will make him anxious. Lots of parents do this– they constantly soothe a child to feel calm and the child grows up anxious and feeling all the time like some impending doom is upon them. Don’t do this to your man. It will push him away.
Read More From Connect With His Heart: How To Express Love To A Man
Goddesses avoid codependence and transference by being very mindful of their behavior in a relationship. A goddess is so in touch with herself, she knows when she feels ‘off’ inside. She also knows when she’s focusing too heavily on her relationship and doing it a disservice. She knows the difference between having healthy and reasonable emotional, spiritual and sexual needs in a relationship and putting too much pressure on the man to be her everything.
Goddess energy makes you calm, patient, observant and detached. What do I mean by detached?
A goddess can disengage from negative energy quickly. She knows when to leave an argument (or how to avoid one from starting) before it becomes drama. Goddess energy is about stopping an obsessive mind from getting hooked on a chemical response. Goddesses can tell immediately when they are losing power to a man or a circumstance. They know how to detach from the fears and insecurities that can dictate poor choices. They know when and how to re-engage in fun and self-loving activities to take care of themselves when things are bad in a relationship.
Goddess energy empowers a woman to know when to walk away from a relationship and a man.
Goddesses know when there is more heartache than happiness in a relationship. They also know that happiness in a relationship is not about chemistry and feeling a ‘high’ when things are good in the relationship. Happiness in a relationship involves no chemical highs and instead is more of a soft, safe, peaceful and tender feeling. Goddesses know that the most important part of a relationship is emotional security and feeling safe (not to be abandoned, controlled, played with, objectified, etc.)
Read More From Connect With His Heart: Dating? How To Invite Love Into Your Life
What attracts a man to a woman is a goddess vibe that sends a man a clear message: ”I am a loving, trusting and calm woman and I expect respect, fidelity and love from you in return.” This kind of energy keeps a man from feeling smothered and walking on eggshells, while also keeping him ‘in check’. He feels equally that she is easy-going in the relationship and also high-maintenance (in the sense that he knows she will not tolerate real crap from him).
Finally, goddess energy is sensual, soft and sweet.
Goddesses know how to ‘tenderize’ a man’s soul and win a man’s heart with her soft curves, sultry voice and loving caresses. The key to being a sensual goddess is to know your boundaries. When you know for a fact what you will and won’t tolerate, your body can loosen up and your mind stays present with a man (enjoying his company). It’s when you don’t trust yourself with a man that you get brittle and step into your defensive masculine energy. Your masculine energy protects you and allows your subconscious to scream in a man’s ear; “You better back the f**k up and not hurt me!”. Men can not get intimate with that kind of energy. It makes them challenge you, play power games with you or just run away from you. Female energy whispers in a man’s ear; “Come hither. I trust myself enough to not let you too close unless you behave. So be a good boy, and let’s enjoy each other.”
Sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter. In it, I dissect your fears and insecurities and shine a light on all the ways in which your subconscious sabotages your changes at bliss. I’ll show you how to instantly have a better connection to yourself and your inner child. Your inner child, free of distrust, neurosis and self-loathing is what attracts a man to a woman!
How to Enhance Your Feminine Allure and Captivate a Man (Part 2 of 2)
If you want to have feminine allure, you have ooze with playful, calm, sensual energy and you have to relish in your creative side. A sexy woman is creative with her witty words and sexual fantasies!
In Part 1 of this article, I explained how important it is as a woman to indulge your senses and to pamper your body. Men want to be around a woman who spoils herself with the simple, poetic luxuries afforded by life. See, men are so busy lifting things and guzzling things and budgeting things, they are drawn in by a woman who can leisure in style and has a great attitude toward playfulness!
Plus, there is something so maternal, soft, supple, sexy about a woman who loves to wear perfume and spends hours in front of the make-up mirror primping. Men don’t like emotionally high-maintenance, but they do like a woman who likes to paint the peacock!
Here are three more ways to enhance your feminine allure with a man:
Third Way to Enhance Your Feminine Allure and Captivate a Man: Breathe
When you start your day and end your evening with a few minutes of deep, relaxed breathing, you are relieving tension in your body and allowing stress to escape you. You are taking in the life force around you and connecting with it.
Breathing quiets your mind and opens your heart. This equals less fear and insecurity and more loving energy for your life and your relationships.
Remember to breathe during sex, too. It relaxes your body and allows you to enjoy a man’s touch. It also invites more emotional connection.
Next time you are with your man in bed, concentrate on your breathing. Tell yourself that with every breath IN, you are INVITING him into your heart, and with every breath OUT, you are EXPELLING fears and anxiety surrounding love and closeness.
You may become overcome with emotion, and it’s very beautiful to a man when your vulnerable emotions are released during lovemaking.
Fourth Way to Enhance Your Feminine Allure and Captivate a Man: Feel That Frisky Buzz of New Love and Lust
When new love hits like a thunderbolt or we are lusting after a great lover and can’t stop thinking about the way he touches us, we are emitting pheromones. We feel great inside—and so do all male olfactory glands in a ten-foot radius.
It’s not hard to recreate that feeling of new love or carnal desire for a few minutes out of your day. You just have to know your triggers and know how to relax enough to let them work for you.
Triggers may be:
- Romance novels or fantasizing about old flames
- Silky clothing that caresses your skin in a certain way that gives you goose pimples and excites your nerve endings
- Daily masturbation
- Intense cardiovascular exercise
- Great jazz or rock music (think about what song you’d strip to at a fantasy amateur strip night)
Find a way to feel frisky and fluttery inside whenever you are anxious, down, or even bored. It will really help prevent depression and is actually a healthy way to expel anger. If you are angry and then get aroused, that anger turns to confident, warm, feisty energy in your body. (Normally it can just become dark, brittle, self-loathing, and violent thoughts in your mind that lead to heavy stiffness in your body.)
Fifth Way to Enhance Your Feminine Allure: Empower Yourself Through Journal Writing
Write down your strengths as a woman whom men adore.
Writing down empowering mantras and self-descriptions makes them more concrete. It allows us to believe them and remember them more than if we leave them as passing thoughts. It makes dream self-images into GOAL self-images.
Write down adjectives that describe your unique feminine allure. Are you enticing, witty, mysterious, sassy, and sulfuric?
Do the “If I Was an Animal” exercise and ask yourself, “If my feminine side was an animal, what would she be?”
Pick something sexy and dangerous, like a black widow spider that gently lures unassuming men in with her frail elegance and nimble touch. Give her a name like Sardinia the Spider.
Pick something soft, sweet, cuddly, and adorable, like a fluffy white bunny rabbit that knows how to snuggle and melt men’s hearts everywhere.
Don’t judge it as immature and silly—just allow yourself to have fun!
Open your imagination and let your mind fuel your confidence and awaken your feminine power. So often, our minds lead us to negative thoughts that kill our self-belief and trust in men. If you can allow your thoughts to be creative and silly, it will help you feel freer to be more playful, trusting, and light with men.
It will also empower your feisty, tumultuous side and get you writing about fictional aliases. Some of mine are Debbie Dare-to-Love-Me McDaniels, a wild, free-spirited outlaw who wears red lipstick and ripped pantyhose, and Brenda Breathless, a modern femme fatale whose cleavage cuts through male hearts like an AK-47.
Get creative, don’t take yourself too seriously, and let your imagination dictate where it takes your pen on the page. Dare to have FUN thinking and writing about how alluring you are to the opposite sex.
Sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter. It’s packed full of information about men and love and exercises to help you feel like a million-dollar baby!
Or look into my other eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You
How to Enhance Your Feminine Allure & Captivate a Man (Part 1 of 2)
Do you know how to harness the power of your feminine allure? Do you know how to captivate a man with your sensuality and feminine wiles?
Do you feel like a sensual Love Empress who knows how to captivate men and leave them hungry for more of your heavenly attention?
Isn’t there something in Angelina Jolie’s eyes and smile that just screams, “I feel you looking at me, and baby, your attention warms my heart and soul and turns me on in deliciously sexy ways”?
No? Maybe it’s just me.
But I don’t think many would argue that Angelina is a sensual Love Empress. She has a certain smolder and a way about her that is elegant, compassionate, soft, and feminine, yet also electrically dangerous. All those qualities combined make a recipe for love and lust in the hearts and groins of men everywhere.
She is gorgeous, but there are many women more beautiful, in my opinion. It’s all about the way she feels inside and how the energy those feelings create RADIATES off her. This makes her beauty very special. Even if you didn’t know about her accomplishments and humanitarian acts, you would probably still be drawn to her and feel her star power. She is the most spellbinding woman I have seen in celebrity circles.
Here are five ways YOU can feel like a Love Empress and start spellbinding men everywhere:
First Way to Enhance Your Feminine Allure: Indulge Your Senses To Captivate a Man
Part of having feminine allure is being a sensual woman. When you are sensitive to and easily ENJOY the beauty found in touch, sound, taste, sight, and smell, you effortlessly draw men in.
See, men are enchanted with sensual women. They make men feel comforted, curious about something foreign to them, and very aroused. (A man is aroused when we are sensual because sex involves all your senses and your sensuality makes them think of sex.)
In today’s society, our senses are bombarded with pollution. The traffic, construction, and hustle-bustle energy around us numb us. We get out of touch with our bodies and feelings because we are overstimulated by the modern world.
Ever go to the countryside and feel renewed afterward? Ever stop eating salt for a while and find that suddenly you can taste things more acutely?
Start being really good to your senses and find ways of enjoying the poetry in life:
- Buy pretty, fragrant flowers at the local market to place by your bed.
- Go to pricey beauty stores and smell luxurious perfume oils. (Maybe even buy a bottle and dab some behind your ear in the evenings.)
- Make a sandwich with fresh, warm bread and quality meats from a gourmet deli.
- Listen to baroque music on free Internet radio while you email.
Treat your senses. It will make you automatically slow down and enjoy the moment. Your heart will smile, and a smiling heart INVITES men to play and laugh with you.
Second Way to Enhance Your Feminine Allure: Pamper Your Body To Captivate a Man
I know it’s hard to eat right, exercise, and remember to moisturize after every shower, but try to do ONE beautiful thing for your body every day.
See, being good to your body changes the way you feel about your sex appeal. It also lifts your level of blissfulness.
It makes you bounce through the aisles at the market, instead of shuffling. It makes you touch your clean, silky hair in sexy ways instead of scratching your oily scalp when you are anxious. It makes you open up to receive a man’s touches instead of cringing with “I don’t want to be touched” energy.
Ways to pamper your body:
- Take a dance class.
- Buy a watermelon and enjoy every healthy, juicy, sweet, and slurpy bite.
- Slather on some baby oil after the shower and BEFORE you towel off.
- Take a hot bubble bath with some yummy bath salts.
- Get a spa pedicure or ask your man for a backrub with some oils.
- Make sure your bedsheets smell laundry-fresh and have a high thread count, and then sleep naked.
- Spend money on quality shampoos and conditioners.
In Part 2 of this article, I’ll share 2 more ways of enhancing your feminine allure.
They are both about invigorating the body’s energy and taking you out of your head. Being in your mind is a man’s job, we’ve heard that before, but being “in your body” enhances your feminine allure. It dusts off your spellbinding energies and changes the way you walk, speak, laugh, and play. It draws a man into your light, like a moth to a flame. It makes you electric to watch and be around and gives you staying power! Just like Ms. Jolie!
Sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter. It’s packed full of information about men and love and exercises to help you feel like a million-dollar baby!
Date Night Beauty Regime: Removing The Mask
Photo: Silvana’s Skin Care spa (SilvanaSkinCare.com)
As a dating and relationship coach my tools and techniques mostly involve working with women from the ‘inside-out’: finding a way to get closer to a man by getting closer to yourself and changing your thoughts. Sometimes however it helps to work from the ‘outside-in’.
A Calvin Klein sheath dress fresh off the rack or a pair of Burberry T-bar sandals can click on my feminine energy like a light switch. In this article I’m recommending a date night beauty regime that will not only make your skin radiant but will boost the love and confidence you feel in the presence of your man.
Right before date night, I’m a big fan of clay masks. They give my skin the buff and polish it needs. I have been a fan of Lancôme’s Pure Empriente Masque and Murad’s Clarifying Mask. But then I was given a sample of a facial clay mask that has changed my skin, and, in turn, my confidence.
Silvana Mak is a trusted, LA-based medical esthetician and skincare expert who gives a fantastic Brazilian bikini wax. She also has her own skincare line appropriately called Silvana Miracle. Her Vitamin C Serum is a favorite with her clientele. I am a devoted fan of Silvana’s Ocean and Earth Clay Mask. It’s goddess glow in a bottle!
Silvana’s date night beauty secret Ocean and Earth made my skin plump and moist, my pores tight, and the surface of my face feel like soft butter. My man even noticed, commenting that I looked youthful. And this is a man who took 3 hours to notice when I went from blonde to brunette.
I am a devoted fan of Silvana’s Ocean and Earth Clay Mask. It’s goddess glow in a bottle!
Just the ingredients listed on the clay mask’s label say it all. We are a society that is becoming health conscious and looking at labels when deciding what to eat. But it’s important to look at the label when you choose to put something on your skin. The ingredients in Silvana’s date night beauty regime mask, Ocean and Earth, are clean and simple: Water, Natural Earth Clay, Spirulina From the Ocean, Aloe, Kelp and Grape seed Oil.
Compare that list to what’s inside your favorite brand’s clay mask. I bet you won’t be able to pronounce most of those ingredients.
And the best part—Ocean and Earth softened my heart too. This date night beauty regime left me feeling so good about my 34 year-old derma that I almost danced my way to the table at my and my boyfriend’s favorite date night wine and cheese bar. I was playful, basking in the attention I received from my partner from across a charcuterie board.
I didn’t even have to think loving thoughts or make an effort to be appreciative and sweet that night. I just felt those things happen organically, and before the wine started to pour. Silvana helped me feel good about myself in a way that no other skincare brand has. Her date night beauty products are like a love potion No. 9 that makes women fall in love with themselves for a night. And what do I always say about dating: Men fall in love with women who fall in love with themselves.
Ocean and Earth’s more-than-reasonable $20 price tag didn’t hurt either. Goddess Glow that’s easy on your canvas tote.
Red Rose Woman
What is that thing that certain women possess that make them enchantresses?
She innately gets that her job in a relationship is to make her man feel like the best man that he can be. She knows that her love is like water and his pride like a cork, rising higher and higher with her adoration and support.
The original enchantresses of the Round Table knew how to make alpha males into chivalrous, gallant knights. They knew how to use their Female Fire to make them better warriors and better humans, at the same time.
An enchantress puts a love spell on her man, making him surrender his male freedoms to be with her and be loved by her. But she never takes his weakness for her love for granted. She is 100% appreciative and humble. She knows that her good grace will keep him happy and hungry for more of her love potion!
This woman is inside you and she is waiting for you to unleash her into the world of eager men– men who restlessly long for your love spell!
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You will show you how to offer him the kind of love that will never bore him, the kind of love that will make him grow up, face his responsibilities and love you the way you deserve.
Ready to make that special man into your brilliant knight? HowToBeAManMagnet.com
4 Reasons Why Men Push Women Away
Article I wrote for SinglesWarehouse.com.uk:
Have you found yourself on the other end of a dial tone lately– wondering why there’s only the lonely sound of crickets chirping in your dating relationship? If you were once the target of a man’s pursuit, smothered with his affection and attention, only to get dumped and left wondering, “What happened and what did I do?”, then you need to understand some of the reasons why men push women away.
Working Hard To Please Men Is A Big Reason Why Men Push Women Away
So you’re dating online and this amazing man sends you a message. You can’t believe it– he’s tall, handsome, makes over 250k and seems funny and sweet in his profile. Though you are thrilled to find such a diamond in the rough, there’s also that part of you that’s thinking, “Geez. This guy is kinda outta my league”, and as a way to prove to yourself that he will end up liking you, you get all wrapped up in impressing him.
Maybe you spend your dates with him in your head, second-guessing your outfit and your conversation. Maybe you take every opportunity to brag about and exaggerated your strengths or are too quiet with concern that you will reveal too much about your weaknesses.
When you’re too worried about pleasing a man, there’s no room for the real you to show up. Love isn’t about snagging some guy who has an awesome online dating profile. It’s about finding a compatible match, and if you’re too preoccupied with looking good to him, then you won’t allow for a connection to develop. And no connection equals no chemistry in his eyes.
He’s Just Not That Into You In Ways You Can’t Control
Look, you aren’t going to be every man’s Athena. That’s just part of life. But just because one guy realizes, after a few dates, that you’re not for him, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a man out there who’s life won’t truly begin until you walk into it.
It’s important not to worry too much why men push women away and instead have enough self-love and faith to focus your energy on the men who won’t distance themselves. How many men have been winking at and messaging you online since you started obsessing over the whereabouts of this guy who has gone MIA? You’re missing opportunities for love with this guy in your mindspace.
You Have Too Much Masculine Energy & Are Too Aggressive!
Look, I get it—you aren’t getting any younger and you’re tired of these man-boys who keep acting wishy-washy, not following through with planning dates. But you’re going to have to be patient and not try to control things.
When a woman has too much masculine energy it means that she is the one acting like the man in the dating relationship and trying to push the relationship forward. Men don’t like this as it makes them feel emasculated, put upon and controlled. It also can make you look needy. It also attracts men with feminine energy who enjoy being pursued and doing nothing to woo the woman
If you have a lot of masculine energy in your dating relationships, it’s time to take a deep breath and fight the urge to wear the “girlfriend crown” too soon.
Why I Choose Rori Raye’s Circular Dating!
I’m Changing My Mind About Rori Raye’s Circular Dating. Why? Because I’m tired of watching women fall in love only to end up dumped before marriage.
I’m a big Rori Raye fan. I see hints of her teachings all over the internet and though she wasn’t the first, she was probably the most influential coach in the modern feminine energy craze. Her feeling messages and her way of making a woman feel inspired to ‘out-girl’ a guy by leaning back are wonderful tools. However I hadn’t always agreed with Rori on every front; the one Rori Raye term I never understood was Circular Dating.
What Is Circular Dating?
If you aren’t familiar with Rori Raye’s Circular Dating, allow me to give you a short explanation: you date no less than 3 men at the same time (sleeping with only one or none) until you get a real commitment (an engagement ring.)
I had always thought that Circular Dating was weird and unnatural. How are you supposed to meet a guy, get to know him on an intimate level and then agree to lifetime partnership when you are busy with two other men?
Circular Dating seems to block emotional intimacy from building and it shatters trust. How is a man supposed to get close to you and develop trust with you when he knows you are seeing other men on the side? How is he supposed to take your relationship serious when you aren’t?
What Changed My Mind
I have somewhat changed my mind about Circular Dating. I still think it’s awkward and unrealistic to expect a man to propose when you are dating other men; however, I now see why she recommends it to her loyal followers.
I have watched as friends have been dumped at the 3-6 month period. They date guys who act gungho at first and then slip away. A few weeks after these men start to pull back, they leave the relationship all together.
I also have friends who are stuck in years-long relationships that are going nowhere. The guys are in love and committed to monogamy but don’t have a partnership mentality. These boyfriends enjoy their space a little too much, wanting to live alone. Or maybe the two live together but he simply can’t commit to marriage.
In this scenario, the women are left wondering if they should have a baby with their boyfriend and hope he will stick around.
The Imaginary Relationship
Another Rori Raye term is the Imaginary Relationship. In this dating arrangement, the woman thinks that she is in a relationship with a man when she isn’t. She is delusional.
My friends who are stuck at the 3-6 month period and those who have hit a commitment-roadblock are in imaginary forever relationships.
It’s so easy to be in an imaginary relationship. It’s so easy to think you have something forever-worthy with a man when you don’t. And the guy won’t make an imaginary relationship easy to spot. He could introduce you to his family and meet yours; he could talk about a future together or ask you to move in. However, these are just fun acts and gestures to a man. They don’t mean he’s serious about a future.
Men Lie All The Time
They don’t mean to lie. In the moment they believe their lies to be truth. A man means it when he says he could see himself married to you, after knowing you for two weeks. He believes that his invitation to have you move into his place goes hand-in-hand with marriage, when it doesn’t.
Men don’t lie about commitment to be jerks or to keep women around. Men usually lie because they don’t understand themselves. They’re clueless– if they are EU, they don’t know it. New-love butterflies make them think they are emotionally available and capable of commitment.
A Partnership Mentality Is Developed At A Young Age
If you are capably of a committed, healthy partnership, you learned that early, in the first years of life. A secure attachment style makes a person more willing and able to be one part of a functioning, closeknit whole– capable of the healthy rallying required of togetherness.
I’d venture to say that most people are not capable of secure attachment without working hard to change their relationship patterns. I think this is why a lot of people chase unrequited love and why a lot of marriages fail. People get into marriage not realizing the amount of emotional availability and compromise it requires to be a lifelong team with someone.
A lot of men want to be a team with someone but they don’t have a secure attachment style. And they don’t understand this about themselves. They don’t realize that when they start to feel bored, irritated in a relationship and anxious to escape that they are coming face to face with their limitations. They don’t understand that healing and growth exist on the other side of that wall. They just think that a certain woman isn’t for them. So it’s goodbye.
Maybe you too have done this. You’ve gotten bored with a nice, good man so you just up and left him, thinking he wasn’t your Mr. Forever. And maybe he wasn’t for you, but maybe he was exactly what you needed to face your walls.
Circular Dating Stops You From Playing House Too Soon
So back to imaginary relationships… Circular Dating protects you from the heartbreak of a FAKE forever-relationship. You stop yourself from nesting with a guy who hasn’t proven to you that he IS going to stay (I don’t mean says he wants forever or shows signs of being in love with you—I mean has proven he is invested.)
A man’s investment (and a woman’s) takes a while to deepen. It’s important to take things slow and to not jump the gun.
I know that new relationships feel cozy. I know it’s amazing when you meet someone who seems perfect in all the right ways—you just want life together to start as soon as possible. However, that oxytocin feeling is not going to be around forever.
Circular Dating keeps you distracted. It forces you not to put all your hopes into any one man. It keeps you focused on finding Mr. Forever while also slowing down the pace of all your dating relationships long enough to see if a man is capable of a stable, longterm relationship.
In a nutshell: Circular Dating weeds out the love addicts and love avoidants.
Circular Dating also grounds you while you do the weeding. Men swing in and out of your life and your feathers remain unruffled. You don’t get caught up in rollercoasters and deadend love affairs with immature guys. You stay on course; you look for a husband without allowing a sexy EU man to steer you off course.
What To Tell Men When You Circular Date
Rori Raye advises women to tell men something like, “I am looking for the fairytale. I’m looking to find a husband and I’m not going to be exclusive with a man until I know that marriage is a reality.”
I think this works well. You can get more into it if you want:
“I feel more comfortable taking things slow, staying in the First Act of the dating relationship for a while until I get to know man better and trust is able to build. I also don’t want to find myself invested in a relationship that isn’t right for the man or for me.”
And don’t let him convince you to be exclusive. Don’t let him tell you that you’re the one for him after knowing you a few months and that he is certain about wanting forever with you. Just assume he’s lying and doesn’t know he’s lying– label him brainwashed by your allure and delusional about his capabilities. He is a poor soul caught under the spell of new love with a fabulous woman like you!
If he has only known you a few months, he can’t possibly be certain about forever. He can’t make that decision now—he barely knows you.
He may be the kind of guy who commits and makes a relationship work, but you don’t know that yet. Circular Dating will expose his true capabilities. Circular Dating will force him to put a ring on your finger or lose you.
Check out my eBook Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You and learn more about how to empower yourself in dating relationships. Taking things from date #1 to down-the-aisle shouldn’t be rushed and finding a guy who is capable of giving you what you deserve is not always easy. My book helps you listen to your heart without losing your common sense in the process.
Signs You Are Working Too Hard To Attract Men
If you’re out on the dating scene, seriously looking for love and commitment, you have to be very cautious about not having too much masculine energy in your dating relationships with men. To attract men, you must receive the attention and affection instead of give it.
When you have too much masculine energy, you are the pursuer, the hunter, the chaser—you carry the weight in the dating relationship. Men don’t like this—it feels smothering, needy and controlling for many of them.
My dating advice for women with too much masculine energy is to SLOW DOWN and SOFTEN UP!
When you have feminine energy, you automatically allow a man to have the masculine energy. You can step back and actually enjoy being pursued and chased instead of feeling resentful and exhausted from tailing him.
STELLAR Dative Advice For Women: EMBODY Feminine Energy & You Will Attract Men
To be successful at having the feminine energy in the dating relationship with a man, you have to find your center. You have to feel grounded, no matter what a man is doing or not doing— no matter how frequently he’s calling or not calling. When you can authentically feel at peace regardless of a man’s behavior and words, you will attract men effortlessly.
Many women think they’re standing in their feminine energy with men, but aren’t. They confuse assertiveness and strength with feeling grounded. Being grounded is about being calm and still and allowing the man closer without needing him to come closer. Being too assertive, you start pulling him toward you, impatient and wanting results. Here are some signs you are in your masculine energy:
Sign #1: You’re Pulling On The Motor Cord To Attract Men
Know how you have to pull a cord to start a motorboat engine? It’s hard work—I know, I used to live in Miami on the ocean and went on boats all the time. Well, when you are in your masculine energy, you are the one pulling the cord to get the relationship going. If you are calling him, texting him, frequenting places he goes, emailing him friendly forwards, planning the dates, chatting up his friends to see what he feels for you—you are pulling the cord.
This is also about offering extras, as I call it. When you call him to make sure he knows how to get to your house, or to see if he would like you to pick him up a few things on the way to his house, or to know if he has any questions or requests of you—that’s giving him extras. Let him decide when he needs more information from you or when to ask for a favor. Follow my goddess love help and make the decision to TRUST that the man will follow through– have PATIENCE that the right man, who WILL follow through, is out there!
Sign #2: You’re Carrying His Feelings & Thoughts
This includes wondering all the time what he’s thinking; asking him if he’s okay; asking your friends what everything means. Masculine energy is the more “heady” energy and feminine energy is more about being in the moment and “just being”. When you are focused on figured him out and controlling and managing his feelings, you are not able to “just be” and thus you can’t attract men.
Don’t expend energy on worrying about him, especially because you’ll never know what he’s thinking and feeling. Leave it up to him to tell you what you need to know. Let go of needing to pry into his mind—let it all go like a balloon into the sky.
If you really are concerned about some strange behavior on his part, tell him that you feel concerned and scared, instead of telling him that you think he’s this or that. Keep it about YOU and YOUR feelings concerning relationship problems—that’s the feminine approach and it will feel much less invasive for him.
Sign #3: You’re Throwing Your Body At Him
Don’t be the sexual pursuer to attract men. All men are flattered when women want their sex, but it can also feel desperate and demanding to them. It can make a man feel uninspired to hunt you and it can make him feel lost as to how to be the wooer and the charmer in the relationship—the role that caliber, confident men pride themselves in embodying.
If you are a sexual assertive woman, wait until he has made the first move to unleash your inner bossy babe; your vixen side can come out in the bedroom once he takes the initiative to seduce you and shows interest first. Otherwise the man starts feeling like you’re shoving a pill of physical intimacy down his throat and that’s not going to attract men.
Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You to learn more goddess love help on how to treat men, so that you can feel confident, feminine and empowered as a woman who men desire. The book’s 27 enchantress secrets will show you how to make feminine energy-based choices with men, which will allow you to effortlessly attract men like moths to a flame.
Empowered Dating Tips For Women
When I was single and “out there,” I knew NOTHING about empowered dating advice for women.
I was weak in my heart and outwardly mean toward men—I thought that good dating tips for women were to be a bitchy diva or act uninterested, even if you were terrified inside that one would walk all over you.
Of course, most of them ended up doing just that– realizing that my diva attitude was just a front, a “beware of dog sign” that hung on the gates of a pet-free home!
The truth was that I was totally alone in a crazy, scary world. I felt like I didn’t have a partner to help me through my problems and listen to my concerns and fears. It didn’t help that I was also recently divorced– coming out of a marriage is harder than losing a boyfriend who never lived life “with” you.
I wanted nothing more than to just find a mate and feel cozy, safe and warm in a loving relationship filled with laughter, smiles and supportive tears. That deep desire, mixed with all that loneliness and fear, stopped me from allowing a man inside. It didn’t stop me from dating and getting out there, looking, looking, searching, scouring… but it did stop me from feeling open for love.
Does this sound familiar? Are you putting yourself out there by getting online, going to bars, going anywhere where there are men, while also feeling like your fears and your deep need for a partner are making you brittle and walled off to these men that you hunt down? If so, let’s talk about Empowered Dating tips for women!
Empowered Dating Tips For Women #1: Drop The Swag Seeking
So you want to find this yummy man to make a cozy nest with—well, let’s talk about how to get there. Firstly, what are you looking for in a man? Are you seeking out a man who WANTS to nest? Are you seeking out a man who is emotionally, spiritual and even somewhat financially CAPABLE of nesting?
If you want a cozy family life, ditch the swag. I can’t tell you how many women come to me, asking, “Where are all these emotionally available men you talk about?” I always say the same thing. They are everywhere, you’ve just been burning all your energy on swagger guys who you knew months, even years ago, weren’t good for you!!
Don’t waste energy, time, heartache on limited men and then feel down on yourself—Why am I alone? Why don’t I have a man who loves me?
Emotionally available and commitment-friendly men are all around you and women are getting married to them everyday! Yes, the divorce rate is nearly 50% for women under 35; however, if you look at that from a positive angle, it means that there are millions of men who are getting married and staying married.
Most women will change their entire love lives by making one shift; when you stop trying to change the guys that don’t naturally fit the nesting mold, everything else falls into place. When you stop trying to convert men—arguing with them, staying silent hoping they will change, making plans for a life with a guy who isn’t showing you that he’s ready; looking for looks and status over security and loyalty—that’s when you make yourself available for the good guys.
Next time you meet a guy who seems like he’s not ready to pair up with a woman—walk away. Just start walking away at the first sign. Date one, date two, five, seven…
When he says, “I don’t know what I want or when I’ll want it,” go– without fear, without resentment, without judgment, just “Goodbye” with a polite smile.
No talking with friends about it, no going online to find solutions to fixing him, etc. I call it Unplugging. Just unplug from him—physically not seeing him, talking to him, talking about him, getting angry, hurt, etc. Just dropping him and all the drama, emotion surrounding him and saying, “Next!” Just kill him off in your head.
***If you’ve been with him for more than 6 months, it’s going to be harder. It’s going to be a challenge to walk and I understand that. Don’t think that when I tell you to unplug, that I think changing men is as easy as changing underwear. I just want women to not get their hearts involved with a limited man when they know the guy is limited. If you’re already in love, take the unplugging slowly—more like a gentle untangling—but don’t let it happen to you again!
Empowered Dating Tip #2: ‘Fondue’ Yourself!
Remember when I said that I was walled off to men when I was dating? It’s important that you don’t make men think that you are unapproachable or stony.
If you want to make a cozy, loving, silly, fun and inspiring nest with a man, you have to show him from the jump that you are open to that. How is he to assume that your emotional walls are going to crumble when you get to know him better? He’s not. He’s going to think that you are just a cold, walled-off person.
The only man who will take stony on is a limited man. An emotionally available man won’t go for the walled-up thing—he’s looking for a warm, sweet, loving, tender, grounded woman who will be his yummy nesting partner!
So how do you stop feeling so brittle and walled off? You have to create a life that feels good and yummy and nest-like without a man. That way, you will feel good about yourself and the spiritual, softer side of your life no matter what blows through the door. You won’t have so much on the line and therefore you will have more boundaries and will be willing to open up a little bit.
Lots of times when we get brittle or cold, it’s because we are sooo sensitive and vulnerable right under the surface and we try to guard and protect ourselves from more pain and hurt.
When you are loving the tender side of life with good, friends; a happy, tidy house with flowers in every room and clean, healthy food on the table; a job that doesn’t kill your spirit; time for silence via meditation or just walks in nature; a hobby that makes you smile; and a self-image that makes you feel warm and toasty in your body; a desire for intimacy with a man, not some status symbol partner—that’s when you will melt around men.
That’s when you will enjoy them, like they are frosting on your fabulous life-cake; instead of resent them for having so much power over you. That’s when you “fondue” yourself—that’s what I call it when you just relax and feel inviting, soft, velvety and sexy around a man.
Empowered Dating Tip #3: Find Your Inner LOVE For Men
Yes, some men are assholes (Assclowns as the wonderful Natalie Lue of BaggageReclaim.com puts it); however, some men are amazing. Some are nice and sweet and gentlemanly.
Men are just as scared of women as women are of men. They don’t understand us, either. They don’t know why we get angry, sad, needy, fickle… how we can cry at the drop of a hat. They say that they hate our emotions, but they don’t. They LOVE our emotions. They are just afraid of them. They are afraid of hurting us and making us emotional. They are afraid that they won’t know what to say when we cry and try to lean on their shoulder. And many of them have bad experiences with the emotions of women.
Understand their fear. Don’t get mad at them for it. Don’t buy into a man’s grumpy, grouchy words about women and our “mystery based on irrationality.” Don’t let their fear shut you down or make you hide your feelings or think that you have to come across as some emotionless “equal” to them.
In fact, let it do the opposite. Be the woman who “owns” all her feelings and shows men how to get in touch with their own sensitivity and vulnerability. Show men that feminine energy is equal to masculine energy, but the power it holds is different. Show men that femininity is safe and florid and hassle-free.
Empowered Dating Tip #4: Be Transparent!
When I tell you to be yourself with a man, I don’t mean for you to be a bitch or a loud-mouthed tough cookie who is going to “say it like it is and f**k what others say!” That’s not you—that’s fear trying to disguise itself as sass.
What I mean is to always let your inner world match your outer world in a mindful and feminine way: be transparent! Don’t hide your thoughts and feelings. Speak up and speak clearly. If you are sad, angry, and anxious—share those feelings.
Don’t do it in a masculine way—by that I mean don’t try to solve your feelings or analyze them. Just share them.
When you can let your inner world flow out like beautiful, glowing, molten lava, you have a hypnotic effect on a man. He thinks, “Who is this woman who is so open and in touch with her soft side and her dark side. She is a mystery, an enigma, a beautiful symbol of life being lived at it’s fullest.”
When you share without getting dramatic and overemotional to the point of not being about to control what you say and how it’s said, he can come closer and closer because you aren’t the scary emotional women of his past!
Hold tight for more Empowered Dating tips. Until then, remember to look for available men simply by ignoring the unavailable ones; make a nest for yourself without him and you will feel more comfortable and feminine around men; find a way to love men and not let them ruffle your feathers and most importantly, be transparent (your insides and outsides are the same.)
My eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You is a dating tips for women guidebook that’s all about finding your Female Fire and making that nest for yourself without a man. It’s also enchantress LOVE HELP, showing you how to act with men so that you immediately pull the good men toward you and “fall away” from the emotionally unavailable men!