Goddess Love Help: Drinking Responsibly On Dates
Drinking responsibly on dates is a must. It’s obvious advice and yet so few of us follow it. Why? Why do many of us ignore these sage words of wisdom of first date etiquette and guzzle anyway? Here are 3 reasons why drinking responsibly on dates goes out the window… while the vodka gees down the hatch:
1. We don’t think he’s the one so why not just have some fun. You’ve been sitting with him for 10 minutes and something about him (or something he says) makes you think that you’ll never let THIS GUY end up as your husband. You decide that he’s cute and fun enough to drink with and maybe sleep with, if you’re in the mood later.
The problem with this thinking: Most of us are scared and feel vulnerable when we date. Fear makes us FIND things we don’t like about men on a date. You can’t know that a guy is not for you in 10 minutes (unless he’s clearly nutty and in that case, you shouldn’t be drinking with him anyway). Think about all the stupid things your ex said to people all the time– you know, that ex you are still madly in love with. And then give the new guys a break for the first couple dates– he’s nervous too! Chemistry is not the same thing as chemical romance. It takes time to know if you gel with a guy, even if the fireworks aren’t flying. That’s why couples who start out as friends have a good chance at making it long-term. Better to slow down and get to know him, then to drink together, write him off and sleep with him anyways!
The Dating “Critic”, Justin McClure, is hilarious! For a good laugh on the subject of Drinking Responsibly On Dates…
2. We are having such a good time together, we get carried away. So you made a choice before the date not to drink more than two cocktails (one if you’re a light weight). Then you get to the bar, get to talkin’ with the guy and you realize that drinking responsibly on dates doesn’t apply to this situation because it’s going so well, you think that this guy is going to call again no matter how many drinks you toss down. And to your credit, he may be having a great time.
The problem with this thinking: He could be labeling you in his mind. Remember how I just wrote that dating creates fear in people? Fear makes us categorize: she’s marriage material, she’s “only for a good time” material, she’s “only for tonight” material. Guys have GREAT times with the “only for tonight” gals, so just because he’s laughing with you, doesn’t mean he’d ever consider a real relationship with you. And in all fairness, you wouldn’t take him seriously if he wasn’t drinking responsibly on dates either.
3. We get anxious and think we are more confident when tipsy. One of the best ways to immediately remedy anxious feelings is to drink. One or two drinks can relax you, loosen you up and make you less uptight.
The problem with this: Drinking only loosens our inhibitions and we end up drinking more and more. It’s hard to know when to stop, especially when we really like a guy and are nervous. A wine glass is something to cling to and drinking is something to do when our nerves want us to fiddle and do stuff to alleviate them.
The Solution: I suggest you don’t drink if you know that drinking responsibly on dates isn’t possible for you after one or two glasses. Or, I suggest that you make a decision to treat every date the same way and always stick to a certain number of drinks, no matter where you go or with whom. I suggest a standard set of dating guidelines for other aspects of dates to: sleeping together (have a number of dates you force yourself to wait before hopping in bed with any guy), what you wear ( put the same make-up/hair/wardrobe prep in for every guy), etc. If you treat the guys who seem like better catches like they are more important, this will make you nervous and will give off an air of wanting to please. And the truth is that many times the best guy for us is not the one who, at first, appears to be the best catch.
Drinking responsibly on dates is easier when you walk into a date feeling confident about yourself and comfortable sitting in your fears and vulnerability. Sign up for my newsletter and learn how to share your vulnerable, yucky, scary feelings with a man (even on a first date!) in a way that will magnetize him to you!
Goddess Love Help: Getting Grounded When He Pulls Back!
Goddess Love Help gets you feeling secure with yourself and your circumstances no matter what he’s doing!
So you’re dating a great guy and all of the sudden he needs space. Maybe his distancing feels out-of-the-blue, or maybe you’ve been sensing that he’s been slowly pulling back. What do you do? What do you say? The best goddess love help I can offer you is to stop worrying about what to do and what to say.
The more you chase him, strategize, stress and worry about his actions and his response, the more you are pushing him away.
Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work
First let me clarify that goddess love help NEVER involves playing games. Games don’t work. Games are useless because they don’t address the underlying issues that force you to play games in the first place.
When you play games (silent treatment, feigning indifference, going hot then cold, etc.) you gain a man’s attention; however, the reconnection is short lived. Usually he will just take space again after a few weeks or months, and you will be forced to play games again.
Playing games puts you on a disheartening hamster wheel; games don’t bring you and him closer (playing games actually does the opposite because games play off of a man’s abandonment issues); games destroy your self-esteem.
Your participating in games sends a direct message to the areas of your brain that manage your self-worth: “I have to pretend not to care about this man and manipulate his feelings because I am not loveable just as I am, when I am just being myself.”
And you are loveable just as you are! You become someone you aren’t when you try too hard with games and that’s not attractive.
Goddess Love Help Is All About Being One With The Universe
Buddhists believe in The Oneness: the theology that all living things are of the same thread of God—that the loving energy that has created you is the same that has created me and so on. We are all connected and that connection (that endless energy, like a thread) is God.
My goddess love help makes use of The Oneness.
Right now he is pulling back from you and you are panicking. You love him and don’t want to lose this amazing man. You’re playing every scenario over in your head, wondering where you went wrong—what you said or did to push him away.
But you will never know what you did wrong… or even if his distancing had anything to do with you at all. In fact, in many cases, a man’s emotional distancing has to do with his emotional unavailability more than it has to do with a woman’s behavior in the dating relationship.
So it’s best to stop analyzing and worrying about what you did wrong or what you can do to change things. It’s best to stop worrying about him as much as possible.
But how do you take the focus off him? You do it by embracing The Oneness and gathering strength, peace of mind and loving energy from the world around you.
Next time you feel compelled to reach out to him and fix the issues between you both, take a deep breath instead and allow the strength of The Oneness to soothe and replenish you:
Go fro a walk and take a look at the natural world around you: the rustling trees that have spread their roots over this earth for decades before you were born; the tiny roses that seduce bees, butterflies and hummingbirds with their potent fragrance; the little weeds that struggle to sprout between the wedges in the sidewalk…
Take energy from each of these things. Feel your heart expanding with love, life and perseverance. Feel your connection to these life systems and allow yourself to ‘just be’ as they are ‘just being’ in that moment:
The tiny roses don’t try and seduce the insects, they just do. They exist and naturally function as they were meant to function. You were meant to just be in the moment and live in that awareness without stress about the future or past. This is your way of seducing a man.
Getting Grounded—Avoiding Pulling Energy
The more you feel the power of The Oneness and the more you can ‘just be’ among the loving energy that is all around you, the less you will pull your man toward you.
See, he can feel your pulling energy. He can sense it even without being in your physical presence. It lingers in every text, email and phone call.
He has pulled away to get relief from this energy. It’s very smothering and he doesn’t have to the tools (a lot of men don’t) to help ease your distress that is causing your pulling energy.
This doesn’t mean that you have pushed him away—he could be so sensitive to a woman’s emotional needs that the slightest pulling energy on a woman’s part scares him. This kind of man is called emotionally unavailable and there is nothing you can do to change him from being this way.
Some men are not emotionally unavailable, they just don’t know how to process and deal with a woman’s pulling energy. They run away (temporarily or permanently) instead of communicating what they think and need.
Nourish Your Heart With The Universe Instead Of Through Him
Finding your grounding and feeding off the energy of the universe takes the burden off him. He stops feeling like you are dragging him down (pulling him under) with needs and demands.
When you can BOUNCE BACK from a fight… when you can stop sweating the small stuff… when you can remove yourself from the drama of the relationship and find your way back to a loving, peaceful heart… when you can surrender and not try and control his thoughts and feelings… that’s when you will find true love.
That’s when the question becomes—Is HE mature enough for MY emotional maturity and newfound ability to love and share intimacy? And if the answer is ‘no’, you will let him go as easily as you would a leaf into a river.
Check out my Love Advice Newsletter and transform your life and the way you think about love. It’ll show you the significance of SURRENDER and ‘going with the flow’. It will also give you the self-esteem to NATURALLY seek out great men.
Goddess Love Help: He Wants Space? Now What?
He Wants Space & You Want Him! Time To Breathe & Tell Him How You Feel Before He Takes His Time Away!
If a man has recently told you that he wants space from you and the relationship, I know how you feel. I’ve been in a few dating relationships with men who have taken space. Sometimes it seems like a man is 100% devoted to dating you and then, all of a sudden, out of the blue (without any real relationship problems), he wants space. I was heartbroken and shocked each time this happened to me.
Now it’s time for you to follow my love help advice and soothe your heartache and worries. It’s time for you to reclaim your life and find your grounding so that you don’t reach out to him and you don’t fall into a well of darkness and low self-esteem like I did countless times before in my past.
What To Tell Him When He Wants Space
When he wants space, you have to give him space. You have to respect his wishes and his needs. It doesn’t mean you have to like that he wants space.
So, how do you respect his desire for distance while still being honest about your feelings? It’s simple. You tell him how you feel.
Do you feel worried that he’ll never come back? Tell him. Do you feel angry that he “slapped” you with this from what seems like left field? Tell him. Do you doubt whether you want to stay with him if he does come back? Tell him. Are you worried that you did something wrong that caused him to claim he wants space? Tell him.
Tell him everything you feel—all of it is safe to say; he won’t run further away. The key is in the DELIVERY. It’s all about the VIBE you have when you speak with him and in the SPECIFIC WORDS you choose when speaking to him.
My Love Help To You: Focus On Your Vibe
When you talk to him after he wants space, you have to have grounded energy. You have to resist the urge to pull him toward you. Practice planting your feet in the ground and imagining that there are roots coming out of the earth, climbing up your legs.
Imagine that these roots are filled with loving, soothing, calming and comforting “soul food” that nurture you as if you are part of the plant. So every time you feel the inclination to beg him, plead to him, cry to him, or even to shut down and wall off—I want you to use this dating advice for women VISUAL to help you stay openhearted and still in one place. Make it so that he can come and go and you aren’t going to interfere by chasing him or pushing him away.
It’s like raising a child. When you sit back and let the child come to you and tell the child that you are there for him when and if he needs you, he will come closer and closer. When you are an overbearing caretaker (or a neglecting one), the child develops an insecure attachment with you. He also can feel unsafe with you—that you are a burden to him emotionally because you are so overbearing.
Be the kind of mother who is available and “at peace” in her heart when you are talking with your man. Feel secure in your attachment to the earth so that you don’t fall victim to panicking about losing him.
The Specific Words You Use When Talking To Him
When you speak with him you have to not only stay grounded and unwavering in your ability to let him come and go without your interference, you also have to use words that he can hear—words that are effective at communicating your TRUTH.
Stick to talking about your feelings. You can talk about your feelings for him and your feelings surrounding the fact that he wants space. You should avoid blame and any words that negate his need for space.
Do say things like:
I love you and I’m sorry if I hurt you.
I appreciate our relationship and I do care about your feelings.
I will miss you during this time but I want to respect your wishes.
Right now I am angry, confused, sad, pissed, going crazy inside, etc.
I don’t know if I can wait for you but I think I’ll try.
I am scared that you are going to leave for good but I will be okay no matter what.
Don’t say things like:
You can’t do this to me!
Fine! Well then, I don’t want to be with you anymore! (when you do)
You are an a**hole, a commitment phobic jerk, an emotionally unavailable piece of ****, etc.
I won’t be okay if you leave me.
Once He’s Taken Space, You Have To Back Off
When he wants space, it’s time for you to refocus your energy on the parts of your life that have been neglected because of this dating relationship. What are you passions outside of him? Who are your friends and family members whom you haven’t seen in a while?
Dust off all the part of you that have been set aside because of the relationship.
Take Gentle Care Of Number #1– YOU
Do the very best to take care of yourself at this time. Take one day at a time and be very tender, loving, easy and forgiving with yourself.
Try to see his space as a time to self-reflect. What are the issues that you bring to a relationship that need some altering:
Are you too needy?
Do you commit yourself to guys too soon?
Do you pick the wrong guys?
Are you susceptible to being treated like a doormat?
Do you struggle with sticking up for yourself with men?
Do you have issues with knowing your personal boundaries?
Are you unable to be receptive and available when a man is emotionally available?
Are you brimming with uncontained, hostile emotion that is scary for a man?
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Like I said—be gentle with yourself when he wants space. However, take the focus off wondering and worrying about him and about how he reacted to you and how he might need something else than what you offer, and instead ask yourself if you are happy with the way you’ve acted in the relationship.
So when asking yourself if you are too needy or too nice, don’t think about it from his point of view and what you think are his preferences. Think about it from your perspective. Think about whether you would date you.
Don’t Allow Yourself To Be A Victim When He Wants Space
If you feel like his need for space is triggering some abandonment issues inside you, it’s time to face those issues. Telling yourself things like; “I can’t live without him” and “I feel like I’m worthless now that he’s left” are somewhat normal feelings but too much of that thinking is very unhealthy!
Sometimes when he wants space, we start to romanticize the relationship and our feelings for him grow and grow the more he hurts us and ignores us. Be sure not to start marinating in the pain of his unavailability. Make sure not to be giving him more love and attention (even if it’s just in your mind) when he is distant than when he is available.
Some women have issues with this. They actually only get really “hooked” on the guy when he is pulling back. If you notice that you are giving far more attention to a man when he is drifting away from you than when he is available and eager to show you love and affection, you have to face the fact that you may have issues with intimacy.
Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You to read about my Enchantress Secrets. These secrets are like “goddess love help” rules to follow with men that will not only keep you feeling empowered, grounded and armed with the right words to affect him, they will also get you the kind of guy who deserves you, faces the music with solid communication and doesn’t just say he wants space when it’s probably not warranted.
Goddess Love Help: Is He Stringing You Along? What To Do…
There is nothing more devastating than feeling like the man you love is just keeping you around until he finds his love. I’ve been in this situation two times. Both men ended up marrying the women they left me to date. I can’t tell you how much it stung to watch these guys walk away and end up happy with someone else. My self-esteem was shattered and so was my heart. Once the second man left me, I vowed never to let another man use me. Are you letting a man use you? Is he stringing you along? Time for some fresh dating advice for women!
What Do You Want Out Of The Relationship?
First, let me ask you; Have you been clear with him about what you want? Do you even know? Sometimes we get upset at the idea that a man is just hanging with us until he meets someone who provokes more serious feelings, while we are doing the same thing with him. So it’s important that you are clear with men and with yourself about whether or not you can see a given relationship lasting for the long haul.
Dating Advice For Women: How To Talk With Him To Know If He Is Stringing You Along
If you know that he is the love of your life (or you at least know you want more from the relationship), you have to speak with him. It doesn’t have to be, nor should it be, a heavy and long speech; all you have to do is OPEN UP to him about how you feel. Simply say something like, “I like you very much and I want you to know that it’s my hope that, up the road, our relationship continues to deepen in love and commitment.”
Then don’t say anything else. Don’t pry him to see if he thinks there are relationship problems. Don’t ask him if he agrees with you, or if he doesn’t. Don’t do anything to “pull” him to you. Just speak your feelings and allow yourself to remain in the silence. It’s going to be tough; it’s going to feel awkward and vulnerable. I always say that the moment after you’ve spoken and while you wait for him to respond is the bravest thing you can do in a relationship. Are you brave enough to be vulnerable when finding out if he cares or if he is stringing you along?
The Awkward & Vulnerable Silence
That awkward and vulnerable moment of silence is exactly what you want to experience with a man when talking with him about delicate subjects and/or relationship problems. Once you trample and mask that awkwardness and vulnerability with words that provide relief for the vulnerability, you have lost the chance to deepen the connection. You have lost the tender realness that you are exposing to him—which is exactly what makes a man fall in love.
His Reaction To Your Words
When he responds to your profession, listen to him with an open heart and with a positive attitude. He may shut down and get quiet; he may be relieved to hear such news. He may profess his own desire to get closer. He may also tell you the painful truth that he doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere. If he tells you this, you have to assume that he is stringing you along.
Some of the best dating advice for women I can offer is to BELIEVE a man when he tells you that the relationship is nonexistent!
Please Believe What He Tells You
If he admits to stringing you along and not sharing the same feelings for you as you hold for him, you have to believe him. Even if you know in your heart that he does love you and he’s just scared and/or wounded, you have to still take his words as truth and tell yourself that he is stringing you along.
Why should you believe him? Because a man who tells you that the relationship doesn’t hold “forever” for him will never respect you or the relationship in the way you’d need and want him to—even if it does last forever.
Don’t you want a man who would climb to the top of the Empire State Building and profess his love for you? Don’t you want to know where you stand with a man? A man who tells you that he doesn’t see himself with you for very long can just meet someone else that does spark those feelings tomorrow and he won’t have anything holding him to you; “I told you it wasn’t for forever.” In fact, once he’s admitted his lack of love for you, he doesn’t even consider himself stringing you along… and you really don’t have any right to get angry if he leaves.
You will live with a constant feeling of uncertainty and insecurity that will slowly eat away at your self-esteem.
If You Feel Like He’s Stringing You Along, You May Always Feel That Way
Usually when a man makes you feel like he is stringing you along, he’s emotionally unavailable (either to you or in general). He may not be stringing you along—he may see himself marrying you—but if you don’t feel safe and comfy in the relationship, it may just be that he isn’t sharing enough of himself with you to make you feel a distinct partnership unfolding. If this is the case, he may just be too emotionally hidden for you. Some people don’t make their emotions available and they live life more insular. This can be a problem for their lovers and family members who need to feel security within the relationship.
If your man is emotionally unavailable (I’m not talking sociopath or even jerk—I’m just saying that he isn’t sharing his feelings and thoughts enough), I can tell you that he will always be that way. He may open up a little over time, sharing tiny fractions of himself more and more, but a person doesn’t go from emotionally unavailable to an open book without serious therapy and self-growth.
If He’s Stringing You Along—DATE
If you feel like the man you love is stringing you along—whether he really is or not—it’s not only time to share your feelings, but it may also be time for you open your heart to new possibilities. If your talk with him doesn’t improve things, let him know that you want to start seeing other people; “I’m not ready to invest myself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to have the same vision for the relationship that I do.”
Then get out there and date. You don’t have to sleep with other men (in fact you shouldn’t). You just have to start taking the focus off this man who is making you feel like he’s stringing you along; start showing yourself that this man isn’t the only guy out there. You may not have strong feelings for any of the men you meet, but date every guy you do meet who seems like a good guy 3 times. This is important because a lot of the time it takes 3 or 4 dates to let go of comparing a man to an ex and actually getting to know and like the real him.
If you want to know for sure if he is stringing you along, check out my Love Advice Newsletter. It’s serious, AMAZINGLY effective LOVE HELP: a weekly relationship guide that shows you how to inspire a man’s love and devotion without ever losing your self-respect. Sometimes we need to refocus our attention in other areas to start feeling secure in the relationship and thus start allowing him to come closer. Many women blame men for the dissolution of a relationship when in fact they are pushing the man away. My free newsletter will help make you into the vulnerable and sensual partner that a man needs in his life so that he feels SAFE ENOUGH to open up and fall in love.
A good question to ask yourself to know if my Love Advice Newsletter is what you need: How easy is it for you to expose your vulnerability to men?
Goddess Love: Tips To A Happier, More Attractive You!
Self-acceptance is the main lesson of life. When you find a way to accept your weaknesses and own your strengths, you not only feel grounded and happy, but you attract a higher caliber of men. You become a goddess! Self-love releases you from the chains of not feeling like you are enough and allows you celebrate love instead of chase relationship problems!
The Key To Self-Love– You Are The Same As Everyone Else
Self-love starts with knowing that you are, as Marianne Williamson puts in in her book, Return To Love, both special and not special. You are uniquely you and yet you are the same as everyone else. All of us are energy. We are all born in the eyes of God (or, if you aren’t religious, from the miraculousness of the universe.) No one person is more special than the next. We are each equal portioned bits of humanity.
When you can stop listening to you ego, which makes you want to feel important, you can start listening to your heart, which makes you want to extend love and share in loving connections, then you can build self-love. Self-love can’t exist in a body that houses a ego-driven mind.
Happiness Is An Inside Job
In Marci Shimoff’s new book, How To Be Happy For No Reason, it explains how everyone has a happiness set-point and that our brains are wired to always return to this neurochemical set-point after spikes and dips. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, how great your relationship, how successful and famous you get or how great of a guy you “snag”, your happiness set point stays constant.
When you can understand that a certain man or type of relationship can’t change your overall level of happiness and thus can’t give you anything that you don’t already have inside you, you can stop giving your power to men and can start the journey to self-love.
Everything you want from a man– all that love that you think he has that is going to change your life—you already have it inside you. You have so much love inside. You are a ball of loving light and energy and when you can embrace your Light, you can begin to raise your happiness set point. When you can forgive yourself and forgive men for their limitations… when you can sit in your hollowness and feel your existential pain… when you can stay calm, loving and grounded in your center… you can alter your brain wiring and reset your happiness set-point.
Surges Of Loving Energy Can Produce Self-Love
What makes you feel cozy inside?… A kitty? A warm cup of coffee? The perfect meal? Think about the small things that give you momentary happiness and then hold onto that loving surge of warm, comfy, giggly happiness. Whenever you are feeling down and hard on yourself, don’t fight the negative dark thoughts– give into them, but also think about the small things that make you happy. When surges of loving energy start to fill your body, the darkness will subside.
These surges of love will actually soothe your negative thoughts and make you feel more accepting of yourself. It works better than mantras, because it’s hard to believe a mantra when you are down on yourself. But when you can simply feel surges of love when thinking about the simple things that bring you pleasure, you alleviate the emotional heaviness that comes with dark, self-judging thoughts. Suddenly, you feel lighter, calmer, more centered, blessed to be alive and happier in your heart. These feelings allow self-love to blossom.
In my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You, I offer GODDESS LOVE HELP & talk about opening your little girl heart to men who deserve you! Your little girl heart is the part of you that’s all-trusting and 100% selfless and vulnerable. When you can “unbutton” your heart, you become enchanting with men. They then want to laugh with you, take care of you, learn about their own emotions through you and just be around you all the time. The program offers several ways to heal past traumas and other emotion-blockers and gives you tips to step into your little girl heart easily and quickly.
Are You Emotionally Needy? Time To Channel A New Vibe & Feel Like His Goddess
Do you feel like everything you do and say to bring him closer is pushing him further away? Does he seem to almost have apathy toward you, rolling his eyes or shutting down and getting rude and grouchy when you try to talk about the relationship? Do you feel like his behavior is making you more emotionally needy and you just wish he’d warm up to you again so you can stop feeling insecure?
If you answered, “yes” to these questions, it’s time to change your vibe.
First, let me say that it’s not your fault. Stop letting his cold shoulder and insensitive words get you feeling like a freak or a weak woman. Everyone gets insecure at times and there’s probably a good chance that his behavior has contributed to your insecurities. It’s really hard even for me to stop myself from falling down into a dark, emotionally needy place when my man pulls back.
The key for me and for YOU is to understand that your insecurities in your relationship don’t affect your worth as a woman. Knowing (and LIVING) this is huge and will help you slip out of the dark, spiraling, anxious place and feel confident and free—no matter what he is doing.
Separate Your Sense Of Self From Your Relationship’s Issues
It’s human nature to lean on your partner or other loved ones for a sense of self. As babies, it’s key to healthy development that our parents instill in us a strong, independent, loving and kind sense of self– we are born extremely impressionable and for the most part, we stay that way.
As women, we are extra sensitive to our environments and have a hard time not letting our environments and the people around us mold our sense of self. Women are very adaptable, which is a beautiful quality that makes us able to gets through all sorts of situations; however, it can make us feel insecure quickly when things don’t go right in our relationships.
When YOU decide not to let him puppet your sense of self, everything becomes easier in your relationship. You not only are able to break free of emotionally neediness, you also seek out men who are more confident and understanding our your needs and insecurities.
How To Change Your Vibe From Emotionally Needy To Goddess!
When you change your vibe and stop being emotionally needy, you are filled with FEMALE POWER. You take the power back in your relationship and you instantly feel grounded, like a tree rooted to the earth, even in moments where your man is acting strange and distant.
Tree Energy Exercise:
One way to ground yourself is to use a visual—the tree I mentioned above is a good one. Imagine there are roots coming straight up out of Mother Earth’s belly, shooting into the bottom of your feet. Imagine that inside the roots thrives a powerful energy force that makes you feel comforted, nurtured and emotionally “fed”. Close your eyes now and imagine the roots tangling up inside your body—wrapping around organs, blood vessels, nerves and muscles. Imagine that your body is lite up with this amazing energy. Feel yourself glowing with sparkly green, pink, yellow particles of light that are radiating off the roots.
How To Act Like His Goddess
Once you start taking emotional nourishment from the earth and cut the “umbilical cord” that you have attached into your man’s heart, you will feel stronger. This umbilical cord is not a heart connection, but it’s a drainage system that has depleted him of life force. Right now he can’t handle your need for connection and that has made you latch onto him in this way.
It’s time to sever this cord by not “pulling at him” when he is already acting grumpy. Here’s what I want you to do next time you are with him and feeling like you want to talk about his behavior and his feelings about you:
Take a deep breath and take the focus off him. Do the tree-energy exercise and when you feel grounded, look at him while continuing to feel rooted in place and say, “I feel sad. I feel disconnected from you and I don’t want to feel this way in a relationship. What do you think I should do?”
Then I want you to listen to what he has to say. If he comforts you, let him. If he gets upset, just breathe and stay grounded. Say, “I don’t want to upset you but this is how I feel and it’s important to me that I voice my feelings.” Then I want you to get up and go do something that makes you happy.
Changing Your Vibe Is About Taking Your Focus Off Him And Placing It Onto Your Feelings!
When you speak up about your feelings and take control of your happiness, you change your vibe. He’s expecting you to focus on him because that’s what you’ve been doing—analyzing what he feels and what he’s thinking. When you starts to see that you have taken the attention off of trying to change him and put it back on yourself, then he will come closer. Until then, he’ll feel smothered and even controlled.
Being a goddess is about selfishness. When I use that word, I simply mean that you detach from his life force and you prioritize your emotional needs. You stop worrying about what he thinks, feels and needs and you start taking care of YOU. It doesn’t matter what he feels or what he is thinking, if what YOU feel is YUCKY. If you feel yucky, it’s about finding a way out of that place that doesn’t include trying to change him. You can share your feelings, ask for change and express your needs, but if he isn’t willing to hear you or offer you reassurance of his love, you have to ground yourself and take nourishment from another source– like the earth.
A goddess is communicative, always speaking the simple truth about how she feels. She owns her feelings and can say, “I feel sad, angry and weak today” in the same unashamed tone as “I feel happy, soft inside and confident today!”
What can you do to ground yourself and cut the cord? Thoughts?
What Attracts A Man To A Woman? Goddess Energy!
Wondering what attracts a man to a woman? Men are vastly different as individuals but are very easy to understand as a collective whole.
Most straight men want to find that special woman who makes them feel like they can go out into the world and accomplish anything. The average good guy wants a woman he can proudly stand beside at a public function, a woman who understands and fulfills his sexual needs, a woman who trusts in herself and stands up for herself when necessary, and most importantly a woman who ‘gets’ him on a deep emotional level. This type of woman has goddess energy!
So how to you harness your female power to emit goddess energy and quickly and easily become the best version of yourself for your relationship? Well, first, you have to stop doing things for the relationship and for him and you have to start doing things for yourself. I don’t mean that you become a demanding diva with your nose in the air and your finger pointing constantly at the things you want your man to do for you. I do, however, want you to relish in selfishness.
Selfishness is first part of a spiritual journey and the first step toward having the kind of goddess energy your man adores.
Read More From Connect With His Heart: Harness Your Feminine Allure & Captivate Men (Part 1)
Many spirituality teachers discuss the importance of being selfish. You must have self-love if you are to love anyone. If you don’t take the time to know yourself and accept yourself on a deep level (this requires you to be self-centered), you will always put your anxiety and negative self-reflection out into the world. You will try to control and manage others instead of act truly giving and loving free of charge. You will pull the kinds of reactions you want from people instead of allow them to feel fully accepted in your presence. Why? Because without self-love and self-acceptance you’re too reliant on others to feed you love. Your lack of self-love will make you desperate to fill the seeping bottomless pit of lovelessness in your heart with other people’s loving words and actions.
When you are truly selfish, YOU provide for yourself and you get to know your body and mind to the point of being able to know when you need to pamper yourself and when you feel ‘charged’ enough with positive loving energies to go out into the world and truly do for others. Having goddess energy is knowing when to look out for yourself and when to do what you can for your man.
When you don’t put yourself first, you rely too heavily on your man to make you happy. You get hypersensitive to everything he says and does and you become paranoid. This happens because you give him too much power. You need too much from him, and when the cards are all in his hand, you feel out-of-control. You try to regain control by controlling him-– what he says, where he goes, how he shows you affection, etc.
Goddesses aren’t codependent; codependent women are so entangled in a man, they don’t know where he ends and they begin.
Codependent women try to soothe, nurture and love a man for all the wrong reasons– they do these things to soothe, nurture and love themselves. This kind of transference feels really smothering and weird to a man. It can fill him with anxiety: Constant soothing makes the receiver feel like he is being soothed because something is wrong, and this will make him anxious. Lots of parents do this– they constantly soothe a child to feel calm and the child grows up anxious and feeling all the time like some impending doom is upon them. Don’t do this to your man. It will push him away.
Read More From Connect With His Heart: How To Express Love To A Man
Goddesses avoid codependence and transference by being very mindful of their behavior in a relationship. A goddess is so in touch with herself, she knows when she feels ‘off’ inside. She also knows when she’s focusing too heavily on her relationship and doing it a disservice. She knows the difference between having healthy and reasonable emotional, spiritual and sexual needs in a relationship and putting too much pressure on the man to be her everything.
Goddess energy makes you calm, patient, observant and detached. What do I mean by detached?
A goddess can disengage from negative energy quickly. She knows when to leave an argument (or how to avoid one from starting) before it becomes drama. Goddess energy is about stopping an obsessive mind from getting hooked on a chemical response. Goddesses can tell immediately when they are losing power to a man or a circumstance. They know how to detach from the fears and insecurities that can dictate poor choices. They know when and how to re-engage in fun and self-loving activities to take care of themselves when things are bad in a relationship.
Goddess energy empowers a woman to know when to walk away from a relationship and a man.
Goddesses know when there is more heartache than happiness in a relationship. They also know that happiness in a relationship is not about chemistry and feeling a ‘high’ when things are good in the relationship. Happiness in a relationship involves no chemical highs and instead is more of a soft, safe, peaceful and tender feeling. Goddesses know that the most important part of a relationship is emotional security and feeling safe (not to be abandoned, controlled, played with, objectified, etc.)
Read More From Connect With His Heart: Dating? How To Invite Love Into Your Life
What attracts a man to a woman is a goddess vibe that sends a man a clear message: ”I am a loving, trusting and calm woman and I expect respect, fidelity and love from you in return.” This kind of energy keeps a man from feeling smothered and walking on eggshells, while also keeping him ‘in check’. He feels equally that she is easy-going in the relationship and also high-maintenance (in the sense that he knows she will not tolerate real crap from him).
Finally, goddess energy is sensual, soft and sweet.
Goddesses know how to ‘tenderize’ a man’s soul and win a man’s heart with her soft curves, sultry voice and loving caresses. The key to being a sensual goddess is to know your boundaries. When you know for a fact what you will and won’t tolerate, your body can loosen up and your mind stays present with a man (enjoying his company). It’s when you don’t trust yourself with a man that you get brittle and step into your defensive masculine energy. Your masculine energy protects you and allows your subconscious to scream in a man’s ear; “You better back the f**k up and not hurt me!”. Men can not get intimate with that kind of energy. It makes them challenge you, play power games with you or just run away from you. Female energy whispers in a man’s ear; “Come hither. I trust myself enough to not let you too close unless you behave. So be a good boy, and let’s enjoy each other.”
Sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter. In it, I dissect your fears and insecurities and shine a light on all the ways in which your subconscious sabotages your changes at bliss. I’ll show you how to instantly have a better connection to yourself and your inner child. Your inner child, free of distrust, neurosis and self-loathing is what attracts a man to a woman!
Don’t Freak Out! Stop Feeling Powerless When He Disappears
He wooed and pursued you, and now he’s drifting away. But it’s not your fault and it’s not too late!
Do you feel completely turned upside down, perplexed as to how the relationship you’re in went south? Was he once all about you, telling you that he could see himself with you forever, that you were everything he was always looking for in a woman, and now, he’s avoiding you? When he disappears or pulls back, treating you like the thing that ate his life — isolating himself, acting grumpy and cold — I know exactly how awful and baffled it can feel. I’ve experienced the exact same thing more than once in my life. If you want to stop stressing out over him and the relationship; if you want to stop feeling powerless to this man who you once probably didn’t even like all that much, you need to change your vibe and take back your power.
Yes, The Feeling Of Being Bonded To A Man Is A Powerful Force
First, let me say that I know how deep your feelings go right now. I know how connected you feel to him and how much you have come to rely on him as a safe and nurturing place where you can explore your worth as a woman. After all, he presented himself to be a safe harbor for you. He made himself available to you from the get-go, so that you felt appreciated and adored in a way that you may never have before.
It felt like he was some king who had come in on his gallant steed to save you from life. That kind of link is very hard to break — it almost feels like you let him in so deeply, you no longer know where you end and he begins. He has become a real part of you, and now, you are panicking about the fact that you might (literally) lose yourself when he disappears completely.
When He Disappears, You Can Still Take Your Power Back & Change The Relationship
Though this bond is a very intense force, pulling you to him and making you feel desperate and crazy to get him back, you really are stronger than this force, and you really can take your life back. You can also turn the whole relationship around so that the dynamic shifts, and you become the one calling the shots and feeling grounded and powerful, like you did in the beginning.
Taking Your Life Back…
I’m going to be very honest right now as I talk to you about this relationship. I’m going to be very candid about why you’re stuck so deep in the trenches. If you think back on it now, really think, you might see how this man fell in love with a fantasy of who you were and not with you. I say that because he didn’t really know you all that well when he was professing his love and making bold statements, such as “You’re the woman I always wanted!” He probably said those things on the third, fourth, fifth date, right?
It was as if you had the right pieces that made you a good fit for his idea of the perfect woman (pretty, smart, fun, charming), but he hadn’t seen all of your pieces yet to really know the woman you are… the things about you that make you beautifully imperfect… the things that would make an emotionally available man want to take care of you and bond further with you.
I’m not saying you aren’t good enough for this man. The truth is that no woman is good enough for a guy who comes on too strong in the beginning. That guy isn’t interested in dating a real human — he’s interested in keeping his fantasy woman alive in his head. As long as he can say that a woman isn’t fitting the mold, he can stay unavailable and not have to experience intimacy. (I’m not saying that your man is without-a-doubt emotionally unavailable. The point is that the relationship has shifted, and you are now suffering, when you once felt empowered by him.)
Why You Bought His “Act”
It’s easy to want to believe a man’s professions of love and desire. What woman doesn’t want that kind of attention? However, there’s still a deeper reason for why you were so easily persuaded — you were hungry, starved and ravished for emotional connection and a better sense of self. Think back to where you were at in your life when you met this man. You probably fell for his act because you were in a vulnerable place that made you susceptible.
Perhaps you had just gotten out of a painful break-up, or maybe you’d been single for years, feeling like men don’t find you attractive. Maybe a parent had recently died, or you felt lost in your professional life. Something was going on that assisted in your need to believe his smooth lines. When you don’t feel good about your life and you don’t know how to get back to feeling better, you need so badly for a man to tell you the words that will give you life-force. This sets you up to fall for emotionally unavailable guys who come on strong and then, vanish, and it sets you up to splatter into a well of deep heartache and panic when he disappears.
Let’s Start Building You Up!
Most women have a weaker sense of self — it’s part of our biology. We’re designed this way to help us connect with our mates and our children so that we can procreate and stick around to raise our kids. We tend to get our sense of self from the man in our lives (I’m not talking about who women are as professionals — I’m talking about who we are in our personal lives.) But genetics don’t have to keep us stuck in the well when he disappears. In fact, it’s been proven that we can rewire our brains so that we can have different attachment styles so that we can feel secure with or without a man. It’s called neuroplasticity.
Be His Queen Bee!
The best way to rewire your brain so that you can feel powerful no matter what a man does or says, is to make a shift in how you relate with men. It’s time to stop working to be near him and start letting him come closer to you. A profound change has occurred in your relationship — you were once being pursued and showered with attention, and now, you are the one doing the work. You went from being the center to being the idolizer; you went from being the sun (which doesn’t move) to being the earth (circling around him). In order for you to take back your power, you need to get back to being the sun.
The sun stands in one place, blazing with light, which nourishes the earth. The sun is the focal point and the heart of the solar system; it’s called a “solar” system because the sun is the core of everything. You have to start thinking of yourself as the core of your relationship. You have to start thinking that you are the focal point — the one who’s light nourishes the relationship.
To do this, you first have to stop acting like the earth — you have to stop “moving.” You have to fight your need to go toward him — call him, text him, invite him places, start conversations about the relationship, ask him what’s wrong all the time — all the behavior that signifies that you are trying to be closer to him physically and emotionally. When you “move” in the relationship, you lose your power. You become the worker bee — slaving for the relationship. You are no longer the queen bee; he becomes the queen bee.
He becomes the one who sits back, chillin’, doing minimal effort to keep the relationship intact. But he doesn’t want to be the queen bee. As a woman, you feel good in a relationship when you’re being given to, but men feel good when they provide to women they love. When he’s the center of the relationship, it makes him bored. It makes him feel worthless as a man. He starts to blame you — lowing your pricetag and thinking of you as too desperate or too easy.
How To Inspire Him To Work For Your Love
Right now, you carry the masculine energy, and he has the feminine energy. This dynamic leaves you both dissatisfied. To get back to being the feminine energy and him back in his masculine energy, you have to stop moving and start receiving! Do you appreciate male attention? Do you relish in it? Do the words “thank you” and “you’re welcome” roll off your tongue without thought? A goddess is a master at receiving a man’s attention and affection — she knows how to allow a man to touch her; she feels comfortable with letting a man buy her expensive gifts and shower her with acts of thoughtfulness. She ‘melts’ into a man’s advances like candle wax — her body is fluid, and her face is tension-free.
Goddess energy is welcoming and inviting; it makes him feel like you’re at home with him and that you can be yourself with him. A goddess knows, in her bones, that she deserves the things she receives from a man and she easily expresses her gratitude and appreciation for his gifts. I want you to start being available to receive. Try this — take a deep breath, and look around you. What do you see? A table? A countertop? A tree? A computer screen?
I want you to look at all the things around you, breathe deep, and allow yourself to be grateful for their presence in your life. Say, aloud: “Thank you, countertop, for always being there for me to cook food upon you”; “Thank you, computer, for giving me a window into the world outside these doors.” Speak from a place of centeredness — where you are the sun and these objects are revolving around you.
You may feel really silly doing this exercise, but you’ll also feel more grounded. You’ll feel more like a queen. Every one of your subjects (the computer, the countertop, etc.) is honoring you with their presence and their services, and you are extending your gratitude. A queen knows the importance of saying “thank you” to her loyal subjects. It’s not about entitlement; it’s not about vanity. It’s about honoring people, places and things around you by seeing them and acknowledging the positive effects they’ve had on your life.
Let Your Soul Keep You Grounded When He Disappears
To stop yourself from “moving,” you have to face your fears of rejection and abandonment. You have to cut the tie that binds you to your man in the unhealthy way — in the way that keeps you reliant on him for self worth and stuck down the well when you don’t get it.
In my previous articles, I’ve discussed the tree-energy exercise, where you grab nourishment from the earth to self-soothe and feel emotionally “fed.” It’s my favorite way to feel grounded and cut the unhealthy tie to him. You can also grab nourishment from what I call “soul wants.” When you feel a need to reach for him in any way — call him, talk with him about his attitude — I want you to instead take a deep breath, slow down your thinking and go inward. Ask yourself this question:
“What does my soul really desire right now?”
It could be a walk in the park. It could be a call to an old friend to catch up and laugh. It could be a hot bubble bath with rose petals floating on the foamy surface. It can be anything that takes you away from the problem — that cuts the tie. Therefore, it can’t be about him. If the answer to your question becomes “To call him!!” that’s not your soul speaking to you; that’s your fear. Keep breathing and get in tune with your soul’s voice.
“Soul wants” really help because they keep you still when you break away from yourself for a moment. When the urge to be near him comes on, a fear is provoked so deep in you, and you break away from your spirit. You break away from your connection to the ground, to your soul and to your center. You are then more susceptible to your impulses. When you seek out a “soul want,” you bring yourself back to your core self.
The Prism Effect
Men love their freedom. They’re autonomous before anything else. If a man feels like a woman will swoop in and take his male freedoms away, he won’t commit. We all have heard this, right? But what you might not have heard is that men are also DYING inside to be part of a couple. They CRAVE partnership. In fact, I’d argue that they need it more than women do. Think about it– How often do you hear about the widower who is lost when his beloved wife dies, or the divorced man who seems so much more crushed by the breakup than the wife does?
Men need women. They need emotional support. They need to feel emotionally safe. They deeply desire family and the feeling of coming home to a place at the end of the day where they will be welcomed (flaws and all) and taken care of. This feeling is what drives a man to want to give up his male freedoms and settle down with a woman.
My eBook shows you the trick to being a modern goddess!
The type of woman a man chooses the marry is the type of woman who is tender, loving, accepting and sweet. But she also has strong boundaries. She’ll never let a man feel like he can treat her however he wants to. The key to being the goddess he commits to is: learning how to walk the earth gently, lovingly, calmly (even meekly at times), but never with the fear of being alone. If you aren’t afraid to be by yourself or on your own; if you aren’t afraid to say ‘adios’ to a jerk who triggers tons of lust and love in your heart; if you aren’t afraid to put your happiness above ANY man… men will flock to you!
Men want to feel unsafe as much as they want to feel safe! To do this takes Goddess POWER!
Men want to know that they can take off their manly armor at the end of a hard day at the office, put on some sweats, burp and fart a little while they drink a whiskey and chat about your and their day. They love that feeling. It’s safety for them. But as much as they love that feeling they also NEED another feeling– they need to know that you value yourself.
Men are attracted to danger. They love excitement. They all secretly crave a dirty girl in a naughty situation. Of course most men are decent people and don’t go around ruining their family lives to have that sort of thing, but many think about it. The way to create this heat and excitement with him isn’t to simply throw on some pumps and a mini skirt(though that helps); you have to make him think you’re EXPENSIVE! Make him think you’re the kind of woman other men crave and want.
The best way to be an EXPENSIVE woman is to never sell yourself short.
In my ebook Prism Effect: How To Get A Man To Love You I talk about being a woman of self-worth. I talk about loving yourself and your boundaries enough to do the right thing in the long run for yourself (even if that means temporary discipline and heartache)! A goddess is long-term oriented. She doesn’t wait by her cell phone to hear from a guy she knows is a jerk, just because she’s hurting in her heart for him.
Being an expensive woman is about getting grounded and getting real with yourself. It’s about showing a man, using a polite and loving tone (an open heart), that you are caring, sensitive, empathetic and devoted BUT also that you are simply no fool. You can’t tell a man you ain’t no fool. Those are wasted words. You can only SHOW him through your actions and more importantly YOUR VIBE. You show him by SILENTLY demanding only his very best… and by INSPIRING him to want to give you his very best.
The Prism Effect: How To Get A Man To Love You will show you how to inspire a man’s love
A man will jump through hoops for you if he loves you. He wants more than anything to make the woman of his dreams happier than she could ever imagine. An alpha male prides himself in keeping a smile on his girl’s face. It’s your job to make him want to make you his girl– to have him bestow the girlfriend crown on your head.
Read Prism Effect today and learn how and when to get the girlfriend crown in the relationship. Learn how to keep your husband come at night, craving only you.
Let My New Ebook Help You Get His Love Back!
The secret to getting his love back forever…
There is nothing worse than waiting my the phone for a man to call. It makes you crazy. It drains you, making it impossible to be happy in any other area of your life. It feels like you’re an airplane pilot, waiting for air traffic control to give you permission to land back into your life. And then when he finally does call after days or even weeks off being MIA, you’re terrified to say the wrong thing and end up losing him forever.
The wrong path to his love…
If you think that I’m going to advise you to act like you don’t care and to sidestep all your fear, sadness and anger when he calls, you are mistaken. I will never tell a woman to play games with a man to get him to respond. I will never tell a woman to pretend to be easy-breezey when she is dying inside to get his love back!
The NUMBER ONE trait in a woman that makes a man back off is PASSIVITY. Contrary to everything you’ve been told about men, they don’t want a passive woman who doesn’t know how to speak up and share her true self with men. If fact, the fastest way to push him away is to break away from your true self– the larger the gap between your behavior and your true feelings, the larger the gap between you and his love for you.
The right way to get his love back…
To be the kind of woman a man never leaves, you have to have a Goddess Backbone. You have to be in touch with your emotions, know yourself enough to interpret the meaning of your feelings and to share with a man all that you feel. A woman who can communicate effectively and tenderly, is the kind of woman who keeps men on their toes. The goal is to stop tiptoeing and to put HIM on his toes. That’s the right dynamic for a healthy heterosexual relationship– men think difficult women who aren’t dramatic or unreasonable (but who demand the very best of him) are very sexy!
Don’t be his test subject!
Men test women. They want to know if a woman has the emotional strength to stick around if things get tough. Alpha men takes risks in their professional lives, they deal with bullcrap at work everyday. He wants to know that he can come home, be vulnerable and that you will be strong enough to “hold” his feelings. Men want to know that a woman can put her man in his place if he acts up or gets too involved in work or the stressors of life. If a woman can’t even say “I’m unhappy in this dating relationship and I don’t want to feel like this”, then that’s a red flag to man that a woman might be too weak to deal with him and his world.
My new ebook The Prism Effect: How To Get A Man To Love You can get his love back and empower your voice!
My ebook will show you how to stop being passive with men. It will show you how to speak up and assertive your right to say “No”. Masculine women who are controlling and try to tell men what to do are not attractive and push men away (just like how passive women who can’t share their anger are annoying). But a feminine woman who isn’t afraid to stick up for her boundaries and say “No thank you” in a classy and graceful way, can make a man sit up and take notice. Remember– you can’t make a man do something but you can reject the things you don’t want to deal with.
My ebook will help give you the strength to say “No”. It will show you how to trust in yourself and in your feelings. It will show you how to be sexy-strong and not a demanding diva. It will help you be the Love Guide in your relationship and show him how to share his more authentic self with you too.
The more authentic you get, the more attractive you become!
What a concept for a woman to hear! What a ground breaking idea, right? That you can be raw, honest, vulnerable, dark and flawed and that a man can actually love you for it. Wow! And not only is that freeing to believe, it’s TRUE! The more you expose your soul to a man, the more he falls in love. The only TRICK is that you have to be MINDFUL about it. You have to share everything with him without putting a bad taste in his mouth.
The Prism Effect: How To Get A Man To Love You shows you exactly how to do this. It will empower you while stripping away your false strength (the crutches you’ve relied on to get his love back that simply don’t work). Download it now and you can be reading it within minutes (Money-back guarantee if you aren’t happy with my secrets to get his love back!!)