Signs You Are Working Too Hard To Attract Men

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If you’re out on the dating scene, seriously looking for love and commitment, you have to be very cautious about not having too much masculine energy in your dating relationships with men.  To attract men,  you must receive the attention and affection instead of give it.

 

When you have too much masculine energy, you are the pursuer, the hunter, the chaser—you carry the weight in the dating relationship.  Men don’t like this—it feels smothering, needy and controlling for many of them.

 

My dating advice for women with too much masculine energy is to SLOW DOWN and SOFTEN UP!

 

When you have feminine energy, you automatically allow a man to have the masculine energy.  You can step back and actually enjoy being pursued and chased instead of feeling resentful and exhausted from tailing him.

 

STELLAR Dative Advice For WomenEMBODY Feminine Energy & You Will Attract Men

 

attract men, feminine energy, chasing menTo be successful at having the feminine energy in the dating relationship with a man, you have to find your center.  You have to feel grounded, no matter what a man is doing or not doing— no matter how frequently he’s calling or not calling.  When you can authentically feel at peace regardless of a man’s behavior and words, you will attract men effortlessly.

 

Many women think they’re standing in their feminine energy with men, but aren’t.  They confuse assertiveness and strength with feeling grounded.  Being grounded is about being calm and still and allowing the man closer without needing him to come closer.  Being too assertive, you start pulling him toward you, impatient and wanting results.  Here are some signs you are in your masculine energy:

 

Sign #1: You’re Pulling On The Motor Cord To Attract Men

 

Know how you have to pull a cord to start a motorboat engine?  It’s hard work—I know, I used to live in Miami on the ocean and went on boats all the time.  Well, when you are in your masculine energy, you are the one pulling the cord to get the relationship going.  If you are calling him, texting him, frequenting places he goes, emailing him friendly forwards, planning the dates, chatting up his friends to see what he feels for you—you are pulling the cord.

 

This is also about offering extras, as I call it.  When you call him to make sure he knows how to get to your house, or to see if he would like you to pick him up a few things on the way to his house, or to know if he has any questions or requests of you—that’s giving him extras.  Let him decide when he needs more information from you or when to ask for a favor. Follow my goddess love help and make the decision to TRUST that the man will follow through– have PATIENCE that the right man, who WILL follow through, is out there!

 

Sign #2:  You’re Carrying His Feelings & Thoughts

 

This includes wondering all the time what he’s thinking; asking him if he’s okay; asking your friends what everything means.  Masculine energy is the more “heady” energy and feminine energy is more about being in the moment and “just being”.  When you are focused on figured him out and controlling and managing his feelings, you are not able to “just be” and thus you can’t attract men.

 

Don’t expend energy on worrying about him, especially because you’ll never know what he’s thinking and feeling.  Leave it up to him to tell you what you need to know.  Let go of needing to pry into his mind—let it all go like a balloon into the sky.

 

If you really are concerned about some strange behavior on his part, tell him that you feel concerned and scared, instead of telling him that you think he’s this or that.  Keep it about YOU and YOUR feelings concerning relationship problems—that’s the feminine approach and it will feel much less invasive for him.

 

Sign #3:  You’re Throwing Your Body At Him

 

Don’t be the sexual pursuer to attract men.  All men are flattered when women want their sex, but it can also feel desperate and demanding to them.  It can make a man feel uninspired to hunt you and it can make him feel lost as to how to be the wooer and the charmer in the relationship—the role that caliber, confident men pride themselves in embodying.

 

If you are a sexual assertive woman, wait until he has made the first move to unleash your inner bossy babe; your vixen side can come out in the bedroom once he takes the initiative to seduce you and shows interest first.  Otherwise the man starts feeling like you’re shoving a pill of physical intimacy down his throat and that’s not going to attract men.

 

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You to learn more goddess love help on how to treat men, so that you can feel confident, feminine and empowered as a woman who men desire.  The book’s 27 enchantress secrets will show you how to make feminine energy-based choices with men, which will allow you to effortlessly attract men like moths to a flame.

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Empowered Dating Tips For Women

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When I was single and “out there,” I knew NOTHING about empowered dating advice for women.

 

I was weak in my heart and outwardly mean toward men—I thought that good dating tips for women were to be a bitchy diva or act uninterested, even if you were terrified inside that one would walk all over you.

 

Of course, most of them ended up doing just that– realizing that my diva attitude was just a front, a “beware of dog sign” that hung on the gates of a pet-free home!

 

The truth was that I was totally alone in a crazy, scary world.  I felt like I didn’t have a partner to help me through my problems and listen to my concerns and fears.  It didn’t help that I was also recently divorced– coming out of a marriage is harder than losing a boyfriend who never lived life “with” you.

 

I wanted nothing more than to just find a mate and feel cozy, safe and warm in a loving relationship filled with laughter, smiles and supportive tears.  That deep desire, mixed with all that loneliness and fear, stopped me from allowing a man inside.  It didn’t stop me from dating and getting out there, looking, looking, searching, scouring…  but it did stop me from feeling open for love.

 

Read More Dating Advice For Women:  How To Prevent Him From Losing Interest

 

Does this sound familiar?  Are you putting yourself out there by getting online, going to bars, going anywhere where there are men, while also feeling like your fears and your deep need for a partner are making you brittle and walled off to these men that you hunt down?  If so, let’s talk about Empowered Dating tips for women!

 

Empowered Dating Tips For Women #1:  Drop The Swag Seeking

 

So you want to find this yummy man to make a cozy nest with—well, let’s talk about how to get there.  Firstly, what are you looking for in a man?  Are you seeking out a man who WANTS to nest?  Are you seeking out a man who is emotionally, spiritual and even somewhat financially CAPABLE of nesting?

 

If you want a cozy family life, ditch the swag.  I can’t tell you how many women come to me, asking, “Where are all these emotionally available men you talk about?”  I always say the same thing.  They are everywhere, you’ve just been burning all your energy on swagger guys who you knew months, even years ago, weren’t good for you!!

 

Don’t waste energy, time, heartache on limited men and then feel down on yourself—Why am I alone?  Why don’t I have a man who loves me?

 

Emotionally available and commitment-friendly men are all around you and women are getting married to them everyday!  Yes, the divorce rate is nearly 50% for women under 35; however, if you look at that from a positive angle, it means that there are millions of men who are getting married and staying married.

 

Read More Goddess Love Help:  2 Ways To Attract Men

 

Most women will change their entire love lives by making one shift; when you stop trying to change the guys that don’t naturally fit the nesting mold, everything else falls into place. When you stop trying to convert men—arguing with them, staying silent hoping they will change, making plans for a life with a guy who isn’t showing you that he’s ready; looking for looks and status over security and loyalty—that’s when you make yourself available for the good guys.

 

Next time you meet a guy who seems like he’s not ready to pair up with a woman—walk away.  Just start walking away at the first sign.  Date one, date two, five, seven…

 

When he says, “I don’t know what I want or when I’ll want it,” go– without fear, without resentment, without judgment, just “Goodbye” with a polite smile.

 

No talking with friends about it, no going online to find solutions to fixing him, etc.  I call it Unplugging.  Just unplug from him—physically not seeing him, talking to him, talking about him, getting angry, hurt, etc.  Just dropping him and all the drama, emotion surrounding him and saying, “Next!”  Just kill him off in your head.

 

***If you’ve been with him for more than 6 months, it’s going to be harder.  It’s going to be a challenge to walk and I understand that.  Don’t think that when I tell you to unplug, that I think changing men is as easy as changing underwear.  I just want women to not get their hearts involved with a limited man when they know the guy is limited.  If you’re already in love, take the unplugging slowly—more like a gentle untangling—but don’t let it happen to you again!

 

Empowered Dating Tip #2:  ‘Fondue’ Yourself!

 

Remember when I said that I was walled off to men when I was dating?  It’s important that you don’t make men think that you are unapproachable or stony.

 

Read More Dating Advice For Women:  Dating Advice For A First Date

 

If you want to make a cozy, loving, silly, fun and inspiring nest with a man, you have to show him from the jump that you are open to that.  How is he to assume that your emotional walls are going to crumble when you get to know him better?  He’s not.  He’s going to think that you are just a cold, walled-off person.

 

dating tips for women, empowered dating, dating with confidenceThe only man who will take stony on is a limited man.  An emotionally available man won’t go for the walled-up thing—he’s looking for a warm, sweet, loving, tender, grounded woman who will be his yummy nesting partner!

 

So how do you stop feeling so brittle and walled off?  You have to create a life that feels good and yummy and nest-like without a man.  That way, you will feel good about yourself and the spiritual, softer side of your life no matter what blows through the door.  You won’t have so much on the line and therefore you will have more boundaries and will be willing to open up a little bit.

 

Lots of times when we get brittle or cold, it’s because we are sooo sensitive and vulnerable right under the surface and we try to guard and protect ourselves from more pain and hurt.

 

Read More Dating Advice For Women: Why Personal Boundaries Make Him Love You!

 

When you are loving the tender side of life with good, friends; a happy, tidy house with flowers in every room and clean, healthy food on the table; a job that doesn’t kill your spirit; time for silence via meditation or just walks in nature; a hobby that makes you smile; and a self-image that makes you feel warm and toasty in your body; a desire for intimacy with a man, not some status symbol partner—that’s when you will melt around men.

 

That’s when you will enjoy them, like they are frosting on your fabulous life-cake; instead of resent them for having so much power over you.  That’s when you “fondue” yourself—that’s what I call it when you just relax and feel inviting, soft, velvety and sexy around a man.

 

Empowered Dating Tip #3:  Find Your Inner LOVE For Men

 

Yes, some men are assholes (Assclowns as the wonderful Natalie Lue of BaggageReclaim.com puts it); however, some men are amazing.  Some are nice and sweet and gentlemanly.

 

Men are just as scared of women as women are of men.  They don’t understand us, either.  They don’t know why we get angry, sad, needy, fickle… how we can cry at the drop of a hat.  They say that they hate our emotions, but they don’t.  They LOVE our emotions.  They are just afraid of them.  They are afraid of hurting us and making us emotional.  They are afraid that they won’t know what to say when we cry and try to lean on their shoulder.  And many of them have bad experiences with the emotions of women.

 

Understand their fear.  Don’t get mad at them for it.  Don’t buy into a man’s grumpy, grouchy words about women and our “mystery based on irrationality.”  Don’t let their fear shut you down or make you hide your feelings or think that you have to come across as some emotionless “equal” to them.

 

In fact, let it do the opposite.  Be the woman who “owns” all her feelings and shows men how to get in touch with their own sensitivity and vulnerability.  Show men that feminine energy is equal to masculine energy, but the power it holds is different.  Show men that femininity is safe and florid and hassle-free.

 

Read More Dating Advice For Women:  Ways We Turn Men Into Commitment Phobes

 

Empowered Dating Tip #4:  Be Transparent!

 

When I tell you to be yourself with a man, I don’t mean for you to be a bitch or a loud-mouthed tough cookie who is going to “say it like it is and f**k what others say!”  That’s not you—that’s fear trying to disguise itself as sass.

 

dating tips for women, empowered dating, dating advice for women, smart women datingWhat I mean is to always let your inner world match your outer world in a mindful and feminine way: be transparent!  Don’t hide your thoughts and feelings.  Speak up and speak clearly.  If you are sad, angry, and anxious—share those feelings.

 

Don’t do it in a masculine way—by that I mean don’t try to solve your feelings or analyze them.  Just share them.

 

When you can let your inner world flow out like beautiful, glowing, molten lava, you have a hypnotic effect on a man.  He thinks, “Who is this woman who is so open and in touch with her soft side and her dark side.  She is a mystery, an enigma, a beautiful symbol of life being lived at it’s fullest.”

 

When you share without getting dramatic and overemotional to the point of not being about to control what you say and how it’s said, he can come closer and closer because you aren’t the scary emotional women of his past!

 

Hold tight for more Empowered Dating tips.  Until then, remember to look for available men simply by ignoring the unavailable ones; make a nest for yourself without him and you will feel more comfortable and feminine around men; find a way to love men and not let them ruffle your feathers and most importantly, be transparent (your insides and outsides are the same.)

 

My eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You is a dating tips for women guidebook that’s all  about finding your Female Fire and making that nest for yourself without a man.  It’s also enchantress LOVE HELP, showing you how to act with men so that you immediately pull the good men toward you and “fall away” from the emotionally unavailable men! 

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Why Personal Boundaries Make Him Love You

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Personal boundaries do 2 things:  They make you more soft, sweet and vulnerable AND they act on your behalf as a guardian that demands respect from men.  These two byproducts of having personal boundaries up your worth in a man’s eyes!

 

Men say they want easygoing women who don’t bust their balls and give them tons of space.  They are LYING!

 

When men have doormat girlfriends (or when a girl doesn’t care how a man treats her or that he prioritize the relationship) they feel dissatisfied.  The doormat girlfriend makes him feel like he could do better (after all, who wants to be with someone who has no self-esteem).  The girlfriend who doesn’t care how he acts, leaves him feeling unloved and under appreciated.

 

Men want and need partners who show them the value of mutuality, intimacy and partnership.  When a woman has personal boundaries she does this for her man.  She acts as the LOVE GUIDE and through her actions and words, she gives him a guide map (or a manual, if you will) how how to be in a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship.

 

Men are like border collies– they are workers!  They like to work for their woman.  They just need to be shown HOW to work to earn her love.

 

Personal Boundaries Remove Emotional Walls!

 

The more boundaries you put up around a relationship (and the more you STICK to these boundaries), the more you trust yourself.  When you know when and how to step back from a relationship to take care of yourself and redirect negative thoughts and feelings back to peaceful ones, you feel confident and powerful as an individual.

 

When you can trust yourself and feel powerful and confident as an individual, you will lose any brittleness with a man.  You will also stop sending him mixed messages and acting dramatic about things, and will instead be inviting, calm and loving with your energy.

 

See, when your boundaries are down, you have one foot on the gas and one on the brakes.  You pull him toward you (being too aggressive and eager), while also being too paranoid and acting too sensitive as a result (picking fights, giving him the silent treatment, refusing to communicate your needs and expecting that he read your mind, etc.)  This “one foot on the brakes and one on the gas” dynamic has the same effect on a relationship as it does on a vehicle– no movement.  If anything the relationship or the car breaks down.

 

When you have boundaries, you are in CRISUE CONTROL.  You are more kind, calm, loving and sweet.  You know when enough is enough and you trust that you will actually do something about a bad situation instead of just complain.

 

When you trust yourself to do something proactive and self-loving during a bad situation, you can more easily exist in the moment.  You’ll know deep down that if something goes wrong, you will have the self-disapline and self-love to do what you have to to take care of yourself. This relieves the Anxiety Centers in your brain.

 

Personal Boundaries Increase Your Price Tag

 

Ever heard a man explain how a woman becomes more “valuable” in his eyes if she doesn’t sleep with him too soon?  This is because men like to hunt.  Men like to feel like a woman values herself enough to not “give the milk without buying the cow first”.

 

Boundaries exist to protect your feelings and when you stick to your boundaries, you are indirectly telling a man, “Hey, I care about my feelings and I don’t want to hurt like this.”  This shows him that you love yourself.  And know why this is important to him?  Because men believe that the way you love yourself is an indicator of how well you will love them.

 

If you don’t take proper care of yourself, a man thinks “Well, she probably won’t take proper care of me (and our relationship) either.”  See, we women can put a man’s happiness in front of our happiness, but a man doesn’t usually do this.  It’s a biological gender thing.  So, he doesn’t understand how you, as a woman, might put him first over yourself and be a good wife even if you aren’t kind to your own soul and body.  He just assumes that you will treat him like you do yourself.  For this reason, you have to stick to your boundaries and show him that you respect yourself.

 

If you want to learn how to implement boundaries (hey, it’s easy to have them and tough to stick to them), take a look at my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You.  It’s all about increasing your price tag and feeling better about yourself in the process.  Being an enchantress is all about self-worth and removing those emotional walls!

 

Related Links

Steps To Melt His Heart

Mesmerize Him This Way

How To Handle The Early Stages Of Dating

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Here’s an article I wrote for YourTango.com:

Are you in the early stages of dating a man and wondering if he is as serious about you as you are about him?

 

Are you trying really hard not to ruffle his “commitment feathers” by asking him how he feels about you?  Are you, instead, trying your best to show him what a great catch you are by being the sweet, fun-time, easy-breezy gal on the outside (even if you are crumbling with worry and insecurity on this inside)?

 

Putting the man in front of your feelings and needs may seem like the right thing to do at the beginning of a relationship (hey, don’t we all have irrational fears that aren’t attractive?), but it will actually push him away.

 

Just because you don’t want to feel insecure, needy, uncomfortable and scared, doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling that way.  And chances are—if you feel these feelings in your budding relationship, he can sense them.

 

Trying to play the “cool card” when you are anything but, isn’t going to bring him closer.  He’s going to smell a disharmonious vibe wafting off you:  you say you’re fine but your energy screams, “Do you love me or not, and why don’t you show it more?!”

 

Instead of the cool card, here are a few ways to help bring him closer while still prioritizing your feelings during the early stages of dating:

 

In The Early Stages Of Dating:  Tell Him Exactly How You Feel Inside

 

You don’t have to ask about his feelings because that might feel invasive to him, but you can and should tell him about yours.  If you are worried about his level of commitment to your relationship or just don’t like the fact that he’s late to pick you up for a date, etc., the best thing you can do is be 100% upfront:

  • “I feel so uncertain in this relationship.  I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels this undefined.  It scares me, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and end up sad.  Do you understand my concerns?”
  • “I feel disrespected.  I don’t like to be left waiting for a man.  It doesn’t feel good to me.”
  • Etc.

 

If he’s a good guy, he will jump to ease your feelings.  He may not offer you a commitment, but he may apologize for making you feel uncertain, or he may just listen in a way that feels nice.

 

Build Confidence By Holding Off On Exclusivity

 

I know you like him and you feel like you may be ready to give him a life-long commitment, but are you really sure about that?  Lots of times we meet a great guy and chase the commitment.  But in reality, we often don’t know him long enough to be sure he’s “the one.”

 

If he was chasing you for a commitment, would you be the slightest bit hesitant?  Probably.  You would seriously weigh your options and think hard about how the relationship would work long-term, right?

 

Now is the time to slow things down to be sure of him.  Forget slowing things down not to scare him off.  It’s not about him.  It’s about you, and you have to stop giving him the power.  If he is holding back and making you wonder about things, maybe he’s isn’t the man you want to be with for the rest of your life.

 

When you hold off on “wearing his ring”, you take the time to evaluate how the relationship makes you feel instead of worrying how it makes him feel.  A good man will make you feel secure, confident, happy and peaceful.  He won’t leave you lost in a pile of doubt.  A good relationship adds to your life and doesn’t leave you saying, “if only he ____.”

 

Let Him Step Up To Plate For You

 

Wanting a man’s love can’t be handled like a job promotion.  You can’t work hard to earn his heart.  It doesn’t happen like that.  In fact, the more you work hard when dating a man, the more he feels like you aren’t “expensive.”

 

Men want a woman with a high price-tag and your price is determined by your self-worth.  When you’re constantly trying to “seal the deal” with him or “close the gap” in the relationship, he can feel that you don’t have a sense of self-worth and are looking to define yourself by the relationship.  That can weigh him down, making see you like a wet blanket.

 

When you have a lot of self-worth, you don’t rush into things and you don’t make someone a priority when they make you an option.  A man wants to feel like he has to hunt you and earn you.  Let him. Stop calling him, texting him, planning the dates, asking him if he’s okay, etc.

 

Letting him step forward and carry the load in the relationship doesn’t just make you more attractive, it makes you feel better about things.  It allows you to sit back and enjoy the way a man celebrates you, instead of running around trying to celebrate him.  And if he doesn’t step up to plate, it’s best you know now!

 

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You and learn how to be an enchanting man-magnet.  I will show you how to hold onto your Female Fire while dating a man, and how to use your Fire to ignite flames of passion in his heart for you.

 

Also By Me:  Inspire His Love For You (my eProgram for women)

 

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Dating Advice: Difference Between Giving Off Strong Hints & Flat Out Chasing A Guy

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Strong hints are flattering and inviting, but when they become too obvious, you are just chasing a guy… BIG TURN OFF!

 

Look, some dudes are shy.  I personally believe that the best guys (meaning the ones who will be awesome committers) are usually shy about making the first moves.  It takes a lot of guts to approach a woman, talk her up and ask her out.  If a guy isn’t really cute and very charming, he’s going to feel afraid of taking that plunge.  There’s nothing wrong with giving him a little reassurance with a smile or a sexy wink.

 

The problem becomes when you turn a subtle flirtation into downright desperation.

 

Too many times in my past, I’ve told myself a lie about a man’s confidence level in order to give myself permission to throw myself at him.  Given the well-known fact that guys are dense and don’t pick up on the understated, it’s easy to assume that a guy who doesn’t make the initiative to connect with you is unsure of how to proceed and fearful of your rejection.

 

However, nine times out of ten, a guy can tell when he’s still in contention and when he’s struck out.  You shouldn’t worry about that and if you keep an open heart and have welcoming energy, you will never be mistaken for being unapproachable and/or intimating.

 

Read More Dating Tips For Women On This Love Advice Blog: Ways To Be Attractive To Men

 

The Importance Of Having Welcoming Energy Instead Of Chasing A Guy

 

chasing a guy, dating advice for women, how to attract a man, goddess energy, how to attract men, how to attract your man, how to entice menTo be in your feminine energy is to be available—available for conversation, flirtation… any sort of advance from a man.  Being in your feminine energy DOESN’T mean that you MAKE the advancement.  Once you are the the aggressor, the pursuer, the conversation-leader with a man, you are leading from masculine energy.

 

Masculine energy won’t necessarily push a man away, heck, it can be sexy and fun, but it won’t make a man have admirable intentions.  When you claw at, talk at and coax a man in a bar, he may want to take you home for some fun times, but he’s not going to see you as a woman he could love.

 

Men fall in love with a woman who has what I call a high “cherish quotient”.  To have a cherish quotient, you have to make a man feel inspired to take care of you and protect you, while also wanting to ravish you senseless.  If you can bring out the knight in shining armor in a guy (while also bringing out the horny beast in him), you will score his attention and become a real prospect for girlfriend status.  You can only do this when you lead with your feminine energy and step back and allow him to be the hunter, the conqueror, the pursuer and you the appreciative dame.

 

If he doesn’t cherish you as a feminine beauty who needs his strong, safe embrace, he’s likely not going to invest his heart.  When you sit back and let him come to you (while remaining open to receive his attention and affection), you step into your femininity and immediately carry a high value in his eyes. 

 

Welcoming Energy Is Sexier Than Playing Hard To Get

 

Not only is hard-to-get a game that only has worth when you are acting uninterested, it isn’t nearly as powerful an asset in the dating world as feminine energy.  When you are in your feminine energy you are easy to get but you are also easy to lose.  It’s important to be easy to please (open to a date or a conversation or a kiss–if it’s comfortable for you at the time), but it’s also important to know your boundaries and be able to put your foot down at any moment when you feel disrespected.  It’s important to make a man feel like one false move and you have the willpower and self-confidence to step!

 

Read More Dating Tips For Women On This Love Advice Blog: 5 Ways To Magnetize Men On The First Date

 

When you play hard-to-get, you inspire him to chase you until he has you, but when you have feminine energy mixed with strong personal boundaries, you never make him chase you but ALWAYS keep him on his toes.  This will allow you to earn his trust (playing hard-to-get won’t because it’s a sneaky game) WHILE ALSO allowing you to keep his interest and intrigue.

 

Guys want a woman who keeps them in-check.   When a man knows that you aren’t going to accept anything less than the best from him, he’s going to respect that and rise to the occasion to show you how manly and worthy he is of your hard-to-bullshit respect.  If you are throwing yourself at him, chasing a guy around the bar, forcing him to have dialogue with you, calling him, texting him, etc. he’s not going to think that he has to be on his best behavior with you.  He’ll think, “Oh, she’s the kind of gal who comes toward me when I ignore her.  Okay, I’ll bask in this free attention until my Ms. Right comes around.”

 

Related Links

Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You (How to be confident and fancyfree with men!)

Go Looking For a Nice Guy Who Isn’t Needy

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 A nice guy makes YOU the center of his world, not his motorcycle!


 

If you are looking for a relationship that ADDS to your health and happiness, go looking for a nice guy.

 

A common complaint these days is that there are too many commitment-phobic men; however, many women with a pattern of dating commitment-phobic men are usually commitment-phobic themselves.

 

Most of us ladies who are continually attracted to controlling, moody, or angry bad boys (or emotionally unavailable men) are more comfortable CHASING or YEARNING for better, happier love than actually experiencing the deep closeness that comes from a loving, stable relationship with a man who is healthy enough to provide that kind of calm, CONSISTENT connection.

 

There are also many MEN who are more subconsciously comfortable when they YEARN and CHASE love. These men are typically “love addicts.” They are addicted to the adrenaline and dopamine releases that occur inside them when they are pining for a woman. They are also (ironically enough) subconsciously addicted to the lows they feel when they are rejected by the women they love.

 

Read More From Connect With His Heart: Is He Toxic?  Signs To Tell

 

This pattern of highs and lows is usually established in childhood, and they can’t break it easily. Love addicts are needy, insecure, unhappy, fearful, and anxious and think that a lover will unrealistically heal all their issues and cure all their problems. They can overwhelm you with their emotional needs, leaving you feeling drained and trapped. Plus, they are only interested in romancing the idea of love and are not capable of a long-term, solid, consistent, practical, deep romantic love relationship.

 

Male love addicts are not to be confused with good guys, who thrive as part of a twosome.

 

Good guys are stable. They are capable of connection and emotionally available. They probably are a little dorky and not as attractive as their bad boy counterparts. They are not too forward with a woman, but not distant either. For example, they will wait a day to call a woman, but won’t dance around expressing their feelings to her.

 

They like the idea of partnership, and they are healthy enough to tolerate deep closeness. Because finding a life partner is not something they take lightly, they may come across as a bit nervous on dates. This is a good thing. This small amount of nervous insecurity shows that they are serious about finding love and don’t pride themselves on conquering women like a cocky player would.

 

(When women tell me that nervousness or insecurity in a man is extremely unattractive on a first date, I always tell them, “Hello, do you want a man who doesn’t care enough about impressing you to be nervous?”)

 

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Some women say good guys are needy. This is untrue—as long as a man is not giving you a hard time about wanting to see more of you (guilt trips, getting angry, crying, not listening to your needs for space), then he isn’t “needy,” he just likes you! (Remember, too, that a little irritation on his end is normal in love.)

 

Sometimes we confuse a guy who likes us with being needy. This can happen because we like a challenge and seek out men who are not that into us. When you’re attracted to men who could take you or leave you and are more into themselves and their moods than you, you’re going to find a man who actually wants you around and enjoys your company to be “too much,” “too clingy,” “too available,” and “too needy.”

 

See, many women are not comfortable being adored, cherished, and wooed. They may say they are and DEEPLY desire that kind of attention, but that doesn’t mean they are truly okay with it. It can make you anxious and suspicious when a man cares about you and wants to be around you and give you things, and that wariness can may you start thinking he’s annoying, intrusive, and boring.

 

If he calls you often and makes a noticeable effort to impress you, you should indulge him. So what if he isn’t uber-charming or extremely attractive?  The really charming, attractive guys are the ones who are usually hard to hold onto.

 

If you go looking for a nice guy, you won’t have to deal with men who slip through your hands like water.

 

Read More From Connect With His Heart: How To Find Mr. Right!

 

A really attractive man knows from a young age that he can get whatever he wants by using his looks. Many (not all) attractive men are angry inside. They feel like they have been exploited for their looks, and because of this, they have A LOT of issues surrounding attraction and romantic love. Sex and sexuality are skewed for them, and they end up narcissistic or afraid of women. They end up playing the field or having sex addictions. Again, not all attractive men are this way, but you are taking a gamble.

 

And charming guys?  Well, if you are a commitment-phobic man who likes to avoid the “second act” of a relationship where things get deeper and messier, then of course you are going to be very charming—you have perfected “the hunt.” These charming men enjoy a woman—her company, her sex, her soothing touches, her challenges—but when things go to the next level, they are on to the next fun-time, zero-stress gal. George Clooney is a perfect example. If Stacy Keibler ever stops grinning all the time and starts having the deep, emotional needs that are natural in a committed relationship, he’ll probably be on the next train to Smiley Starlet-ville.

 

Now, if you don’t mind having a man in your life who is just a great companion on weekend outings and vacations and you don’t need emotional closeness, then keep looking for a charming Clooney type. But if you are looking for a man who will make you feel emotionally safe through ever-present, unconditional love and a stable relationship that takes work, then you’d better readjust your picker and go looking for a nice guy who makes you feel safe and cozy inside.

 

A nice guy wants companionship, and it’s first on his list. He sees life as more of a partnership than a solo ride. He wants to hold your feelings and reassure you of his love when you are feeling insecure. He sticks around for those months when things are rocky between you and doesn’t run off with some hottie from work. He likes when you share your feelings and needs, and he isn’t afraid to tend to those needs.

 

Read More From Connect With His Heart: Insecure In Love?  Stop Making Him Prove Himself!

 

A nice, good man is a born leader in love. He isn’t afraid of closeness or of stepping up, manning up, and being there for you. He may not ride a motorcycle, look like a movie star, or have the smarts and wits of a powerful executive, but he is knowledgeable about love and women. He isn’t looking to prove something about his manhood by having a trophy wife or a mistress on the side. He is man enough to know the preciousness of a woman and how to cherish the goddess he knows you are. He will give you room to be moody and emotional, but he isn’t a doormat either. He politely and kindly puts you in your place.

 

So, know your priorities in a relationship, and if closeness and stability are top on your list, look for a good man. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can totally change a difficult man. And please don’t wait years and years for Mr. Perfect (a nice guy with bad-boy looks and charm) to come along and want you over all the other women out there. Reach for your dream relationship, not your dream man, or you could end up with only dreams to put you to sleep in a cold bed.

 

Visit my website RelationshipAdviceInspireHisLoveForYou.com, and take a gander at my e-program Inspire His Love for You. It’s designed for women who need to give their man a little push in the devotion and commitment department. On the site, you can also sign up for the FREE Inspire His Love for You newsletter, which is packed with goodies about how to unlock a man’s heart, how to seek out the right men, and how to ease anxiety about getting close to a man!

Looking for a nice guy is something that smart, proactive and successful women know to do!  You want to chase pavement or you want to get as many happy, loving and family-oriented moments out of life as possible?!

 

Also By Kristina: 101 Ways To Seduce Your Man