Goddess Love Help: Getting Grounded When He Pulls Back!
Goddess Love Help gets you feeling secure with yourself and your circumstances no matter what he’s doing!
So you’re dating a great guy and all of the sudden he needs space. Maybe his distancing feels out-of-the-blue, or maybe you’ve been sensing that he’s been slowly pulling back. What do you do? What do you say? The best goddess love help I can offer you is to stop worrying about what to do and what to say.
The more you chase him, strategize, stress and worry about his actions and his response, the more you are pushing him away.
Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work
First let me clarify that goddess love help NEVER involves playing games. Games don’t work. Games are useless because they don’t address the underlying issues that force you to play games in the first place.
When you play games (silent treatment, feigning indifference, going hot then cold, etc.) you gain a man’s attention; however, the reconnection is short lived. Usually he will just take space again after a few weeks or months, and you will be forced to play games again.
Playing games puts you on a disheartening hamster wheel; games don’t bring you and him closer (playing games actually does the opposite because games play off of a man’s abandonment issues); games destroy your self-esteem.
Your participating in games sends a direct message to the areas of your brain that manage your self-worth: “I have to pretend not to care about this man and manipulate his feelings because I am not loveable just as I am, when I am just being myself.”
And you are loveable just as you are! You become someone you aren’t when you try too hard with games and that’s not attractive.
Goddess Love Help Is All About Being One With The Universe
Buddhists believe in The Oneness: the theology that all living things are of the same thread of God—that the loving energy that has created you is the same that has created me and so on. We are all connected and that connection (that endless energy, like a thread) is God.
My goddess love help makes use of The Oneness.
Right now he is pulling back from you and you are panicking. You love him and don’t want to lose this amazing man. You’re playing every scenario over in your head, wondering where you went wrong—what you said or did to push him away.
But you will never know what you did wrong… or even if his distancing had anything to do with you at all. In fact, in many cases, a man’s emotional distancing has to do with his emotional unavailability more than it has to do with a woman’s behavior in the dating relationship.
So it’s best to stop analyzing and worrying about what you did wrong or what you can do to change things. It’s best to stop worrying about him as much as possible.
But how do you take the focus off him? You do it by embracing The Oneness and gathering strength, peace of mind and loving energy from the world around you.
Next time you feel compelled to reach out to him and fix the issues between you both, take a deep breath instead and allow the strength of The Oneness to soothe and replenish you:
Go fro a walk and take a look at the natural world around you: the rustling trees that have spread their roots over this earth for decades before you were born; the tiny roses that seduce bees, butterflies and hummingbirds with their potent fragrance; the little weeds that struggle to sprout between the wedges in the sidewalk…
Take energy from each of these things. Feel your heart expanding with love, life and perseverance. Feel your connection to these life systems and allow yourself to ‘just be’ as they are ‘just being’ in that moment:
The tiny roses don’t try and seduce the insects, they just do. They exist and naturally function as they were meant to function. You were meant to just be in the moment and live in that awareness without stress about the future or past. This is your way of seducing a man.
Getting Grounded—Avoiding Pulling Energy
The more you feel the power of The Oneness and the more you can ‘just be’ among the loving energy that is all around you, the less you will pull your man toward you.
See, he can feel your pulling energy. He can sense it even without being in your physical presence. It lingers in every text, email and phone call.
He has pulled away to get relief from this energy. It’s very smothering and he doesn’t have to the tools (a lot of men don’t) to help ease your distress that is causing your pulling energy.
This doesn’t mean that you have pushed him away—he could be so sensitive to a woman’s emotional needs that the slightest pulling energy on a woman’s part scares him. This kind of man is called emotionally unavailable and there is nothing you can do to change him from being this way.
Some men are not emotionally unavailable, they just don’t know how to process and deal with a woman’s pulling energy. They run away (temporarily or permanently) instead of communicating what they think and need.
Nourish Your Heart With The Universe Instead Of Through Him
Finding your grounding and feeding off the energy of the universe takes the burden off him. He stops feeling like you are dragging him down (pulling him under) with needs and demands.
When you can BOUNCE BACK from a fight… when you can stop sweating the small stuff… when you can remove yourself from the drama of the relationship and find your way back to a loving, peaceful heart… when you can surrender and not try and control his thoughts and feelings… that’s when you will find true love.
That’s when the question becomes—Is HE mature enough for MY emotional maturity and newfound ability to love and share intimacy? And if the answer is ‘no’, you will let him go as easily as you would a leaf into a river.
Check out my Love Advice Newsletter and transform your life and the way you think about love. It’ll show you the significance of SURRENDER and ‘going with the flow’. It will also give you the self-esteem to NATURALLY seek out great men.
When He Needs Space, Here’s What You Do…
Has your man come to you and told you that he need space from your relationship to think about things? Here’s what you do…
The words “I need space” are dreaded by lovers and partners everywhere and can leave you feeling confused, panicked, and rejected, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can actually be an opportunity to bring you both closer together.
Most of us already know that men are from Mars and that translates to them needing time by themselves to investigate and figure out their feelings and thoughts. However, when he says he needs his alone time, there are still things you can do that will help sway his decision in your favor.
Here’s the deal. When a man takes space, there are two things usually happening inside him:
- There are aspects of the relationship and/or his life that are making him doubt whether he wants to stay involved with you.
- There are aspects about you that he loves enough to make him say he needs space instead of “Goodbye.”
Number two is what you need to bank on when he says he needs space, while practicing the following technique. It’s called the Love Him, Letter Him, Let Him Go technique.
See, there are things you can do to leave an impression in his head that he won’t quickly forget.
Step One of the Technique: Get a handle on your feelings.
When you are used to spending a lot of time with a man and feel extremely emotionally connected to him, and then he tells you he wants distance, myriad uncontrollable emotions can UNLEASH inside you. You can feel panic and extreme anxiety. You can feel deep sadness and strong anger. All these feelings are valid and healthy reactions to a loved one pulling back.
However, YOU MUST love him and honor his need for space, too. And this is really hard to do when your feelings are so strong that you don’t know how to get them in check.
Read More From This Log Advice Blog: How To Connect With An Emotionally Unavailable Man
You want to beg him, question him, continue to call him. You want to maybe scream at him or cry fat tears of desperation and confusion while asking him, “Why?” over the phone. If you’re like me, you’ll want to drive to his house in the middle of the night in a state of sheer panic. Basically, you might feel tempted to act in ways that you are not proud of.
This is normal for a woman who is in touch with her feelings and in love with a man. It is normal to feel like you are fighting for your life and being ripped from someone very important to your existence. So, don’t judge yourself for your feelings, thoughts, and actions when a man pulls back.
But let’s talk about how to get these feelings and thoughts and actions in check, so that you can make a man feel like you care about HIS NEEDS and HIS WISHES and are not just in survival mode, ready to fight tooth and nail for the love you want, regardless of how HE FEELS.
To get a handle on your feelings, you first have to give yourself permission to release your feelings. You have to let yourself cry and scream as much as you need to. You have to have a space in your house where you go and just allow yourself to feel everything. For me, it’s my bathtub. Know yours and go there!
Once your negative fear-based feelings are out in the open, I ask that you informally meditate.
Light candles, take a shower beforehand, and put a soothing CD on the stereo.
Take deep breaths and go inside yourself, taking inventory of your body.
Try to stretch and loosen up tense areas. Once you feel like your body is responding to your attention and movements to ease it, I want you to concentrate on your heart.
Read More From This Relationship Advice Blog: If He Feels Smothered, Showing Him Affection Won’t Bring Him Back
Imagine your heart glowing with a bright, powerful EMERALD GREEN LIGHT.
Imagine this light expanding to envelop your whole body, encasing your whole being in a bubble of all-loving, all-trusting, healing, positive emerald love light.
Let this powerful, sparkling, dense light soothe you and hold you. Imagine you are being held by God or by your mother in this green light.
Allow it to comfort you and caress you. Allow it to SOOTHE your thoughts and feelings.
Once you feel calmer and more at peace, you can do step two of the technique.
Step Two of the Technique: Begin thinking lovingly and positively about your man.
Think about his face, his smell, his house, his car, his laugh, etc. Think about all the things that define him and make you love him.
Feel your heart warm over with love for him and deep CARE for him as a person.
Then open your eyes.
Go get a piece of paper, and with loving feelings flowing through your heart, make two lists:
1. A list of all the things you love about him.
2. Another list of all the things you think he loves about you.
Take a look at those lists and circle three things on each list that you feel are the most important things you two love about each other.
Now, you are going to do the third step in the technique.
Step Three of the Technique: Send him an email or write him a letter!
In this email or letter, you are going to mention:
1. The three things you love about him.
2. THREE memories that correlate to the three things you know he loves about you.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women Here: How To Be Confident With Men
In this email or letter, you are also going to do the following:
1. Tell him you respect his need for space and will honor it.
2. Mention your feelings about his request for space.
3. Tell him that you care enough about your relationship to wait for him as long as you can wait.
4. Tell him you will honor and respect any decision he makes.
5. Reassure him that you will be okay no matter what.
You aren’t going to have any PULLING energy in the email.
What does this mean?
You aren’t going to tell him anything that makes him feel smothered, controlled, guilty, or fearful of losing you. DON’T WRITE ANYTHING THAT’S ABOUT PULLING HIM BACK TO YOU INSTEAD OF SURRENDERING TO HIS NEED FOR SPACE.
- You aren’t going to threaten to not be there when he gets back.
- You aren’t going to tell him how you are not eating and how you cry on the floor of the shower for hours.
- You aren’t going to tell him you want to spend the rest of your life with him and have his babies and you KNOW he is the one you’ll be buried next to for eternity.
- You aren’t going to beg or plead.
Your letter is A GIFT of love to him, not a manipulation to leave him feeling like he has to be with you or else he is a total jerk.
Here’s an example of one such email:
I respect your need for space and want you to know I will honor your request for as long as you need.
I also want you to know that I am angry and hurt and confused right now, but those feelings will pass and I won’t allow them to cloud my love for you.
I really do love and care for you deeply. Your smile brightens my day. The way you bring me medicine when I am sick lifts my spirits faster than Airborne works on my congestion, and your kind texts every morning when I wake up are like a tiny bird singing to me to join the day.
I too will think about us during this break. Mostly, though, I will think about the good memories you have left me with: the time we spontaneously went to the movies in our PJs and laughed the whole time in the empty theater; the time you cried at how good my spaghetti was; the night our sex was so amazing, we named it.
Love, I want you to take your time, and whatever you decide, I want you to not worry about me, because I will be okay in the end.
I respect you enough to be patient and to honor your decision about our love.
All my heart,
If you write this letter, you will leave him with a good taste and will show him that you care ABOUT HIS WISHES.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women: What Do Men Want In A Woman?!
You will be reminding him of the goodness in your relationship, and you will be reassuring him that he makes a difference in your life. Men need this to feel like a relationship is working for them.
You will also be FREEING him up not to feel guilty and worried about you. Guilt actually makes a man want to run, because it creates pressure and makes him think that if he stays and it doesn’t work out in the future, he will destroy your life.
DON’T go on and on in your letter and squeeze in every moment of every memory, or go into detail about all your feelings about him and his need for space. Too many words will feel draining and overwhelming for him.
Now, once he does take the space, have a friend on hand. Have a friend you can call when you are jonesing to contact him, and make sure this friend is POSITIVE and CALMING. Tell them that you only need their strength and patience, not their fears and opinions. A good friend will understand what you mean and will be available to you during this hard time.
Resist the need to rehash everything with family and friends and question his love a thousand times. Meditate, focus on things you love, don’t do things you don’t love to do, and give yourself permission to feel your feelings without marinating in them too long.
In the end, if he comes back, let him guide the pace of things, because you love him and are willing to surrender control of the unknown and control over the relationship.
In love, we invite, we surrender, we risk.
And, remember, just because a man needs space, doesn’t mean he is gone. Have faith because sometimes it takes space to close a gap.
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Don’t Freak Out! Stop Feeling Powerless When He Disappears
He wooed and pursued you, and now he’s drifting away. But it’s not your fault and it’s not too late!
Do you feel completely turned upside down, perplexed as to how the relationship you’re in went south? Was he once all about you, telling you that he could see himself with you forever, that you were everything he was always looking for in a woman, and now, he’s avoiding you? When he disappears or pulls back, treating you like the thing that ate his life — isolating himself, acting grumpy and cold — I know exactly how awful and baffled it can feel. I’ve experienced the exact same thing more than once in my life. If you want to stop stressing out over him and the relationship; if you want to stop feeling powerless to this man who you once probably didn’t even like all that much, you need to change your vibe and take back your power.
Yes, The Feeling Of Being Bonded To A Man Is A Powerful Force
First, let me say that I know how deep your feelings go right now. I know how connected you feel to him and how much you have come to rely on him as a safe and nurturing place where you can explore your worth as a woman. After all, he presented himself to be a safe harbor for you. He made himself available to you from the get-go, so that you felt appreciated and adored in a way that you may never have before.
It felt like he was some king who had come in on his gallant steed to save you from life. That kind of link is very hard to break — it almost feels like you let him in so deeply, you no longer know where you end and he begins. He has become a real part of you, and now, you are panicking about the fact that you might (literally) lose yourself when he disappears completely.
When He Disappears, You Can Still Take Your Power Back & Change The Relationship
Though this bond is a very intense force, pulling you to him and making you feel desperate and crazy to get him back, you really are stronger than this force, and you really can take your life back. You can also turn the whole relationship around so that the dynamic shifts, and you become the one calling the shots and feeling grounded and powerful, like you did in the beginning.
Taking Your Life Back…
I’m going to be very honest right now as I talk to you about this relationship. I’m going to be very candid about why you’re stuck so deep in the trenches. If you think back on it now, really think, you might see how this man fell in love with a fantasy of who you were and not with you. I say that because he didn’t really know you all that well when he was professing his love and making bold statements, such as “You’re the woman I always wanted!” He probably said those things on the third, fourth, fifth date, right?
It was as if you had the right pieces that made you a good fit for his idea of the perfect woman (pretty, smart, fun, charming), but he hadn’t seen all of your pieces yet to really know the woman you are… the things about you that make you beautifully imperfect… the things that would make an emotionally available man want to take care of you and bond further with you.
I’m not saying you aren’t good enough for this man. The truth is that no woman is good enough for a guy who comes on too strong in the beginning. That guy isn’t interested in dating a real human — he’s interested in keeping his fantasy woman alive in his head. As long as he can say that a woman isn’t fitting the mold, he can stay unavailable and not have to experience intimacy. (I’m not saying that your man is without-a-doubt emotionally unavailable. The point is that the relationship has shifted, and you are now suffering, when you once felt empowered by him.)
Why You Bought His “Act”
It’s easy to want to believe a man’s professions of love and desire. What woman doesn’t want that kind of attention? However, there’s still a deeper reason for why you were so easily persuaded — you were hungry, starved and ravished for emotional connection and a better sense of self. Think back to where you were at in your life when you met this man. You probably fell for his act because you were in a vulnerable place that made you susceptible.
Perhaps you had just gotten out of a painful break-up, or maybe you’d been single for years, feeling like men don’t find you attractive. Maybe a parent had recently died, or you felt lost in your professional life. Something was going on that assisted in your need to believe his smooth lines. When you don’t feel good about your life and you don’t know how to get back to feeling better, you need so badly for a man to tell you the words that will give you life-force. This sets you up to fall for emotionally unavailable guys who come on strong and then, vanish, and it sets you up to splatter into a well of deep heartache and panic when he disappears.
Let’s Start Building You Up!
Most women have a weaker sense of self — it’s part of our biology. We’re designed this way to help us connect with our mates and our children so that we can procreate and stick around to raise our kids. We tend to get our sense of self from the man in our lives (I’m not talking about who women are as professionals — I’m talking about who we are in our personal lives.) But genetics don’t have to keep us stuck in the well when he disappears. In fact, it’s been proven that we can rewire our brains so that we can have different attachment styles so that we can feel secure with or without a man. It’s called neuroplasticity.
Be His Queen Bee!
The best way to rewire your brain so that you can feel powerful no matter what a man does or says, is to make a shift in how you relate with men. It’s time to stop working to be near him and start letting him come closer to you. A profound change has occurred in your relationship — you were once being pursued and showered with attention, and now, you are the one doing the work. You went from being the center to being the idolizer; you went from being the sun (which doesn’t move) to being the earth (circling around him). In order for you to take back your power, you need to get back to being the sun.
The sun stands in one place, blazing with light, which nourishes the earth. The sun is the focal point and the heart of the solar system; it’s called a “solar” system because the sun is the core of everything. You have to start thinking of yourself as the core of your relationship. You have to start thinking that you are the focal point — the one who’s light nourishes the relationship.
To do this, you first have to stop acting like the earth — you have to stop “moving.” You have to fight your need to go toward him — call him, text him, invite him places, start conversations about the relationship, ask him what’s wrong all the time — all the behavior that signifies that you are trying to be closer to him physically and emotionally. When you “move” in the relationship, you lose your power. You become the worker bee — slaving for the relationship. You are no longer the queen bee; he becomes the queen bee.
He becomes the one who sits back, chillin’, doing minimal effort to keep the relationship intact. But he doesn’t want to be the queen bee. As a woman, you feel good in a relationship when you’re being given to, but men feel good when they provide to women they love. When he’s the center of the relationship, it makes him bored. It makes him feel worthless as a man. He starts to blame you — lowing your pricetag and thinking of you as too desperate or too easy.
How To Inspire Him To Work For Your Love
Right now, you carry the masculine energy, and he has the feminine energy. This dynamic leaves you both dissatisfied. To get back to being the feminine energy and him back in his masculine energy, you have to stop moving and start receiving! Do you appreciate male attention? Do you relish in it? Do the words “thank you” and “you’re welcome” roll off your tongue without thought? A goddess is a master at receiving a man’s attention and affection — she knows how to allow a man to touch her; she feels comfortable with letting a man buy her expensive gifts and shower her with acts of thoughtfulness. She ‘melts’ into a man’s advances like candle wax — her body is fluid, and her face is tension-free.
Goddess energy is welcoming and inviting; it makes him feel like you’re at home with him and that you can be yourself with him. A goddess knows, in her bones, that she deserves the things she receives from a man and she easily expresses her gratitude and appreciation for his gifts. I want you to start being available to receive. Try this — take a deep breath, and look around you. What do you see? A table? A countertop? A tree? A computer screen?
I want you to look at all the things around you, breathe deep, and allow yourself to be grateful for their presence in your life. Say, aloud: “Thank you, countertop, for always being there for me to cook food upon you”; “Thank you, computer, for giving me a window into the world outside these doors.” Speak from a place of centeredness — where you are the sun and these objects are revolving around you.
You may feel really silly doing this exercise, but you’ll also feel more grounded. You’ll feel more like a queen. Every one of your subjects (the computer, the countertop, etc.) is honoring you with their presence and their services, and you are extending your gratitude. A queen knows the importance of saying “thank you” to her loyal subjects. It’s not about entitlement; it’s not about vanity. It’s about honoring people, places and things around you by seeing them and acknowledging the positive effects they’ve had on your life.
Let Your Soul Keep You Grounded When He Disappears
To stop yourself from “moving,” you have to face your fears of rejection and abandonment. You have to cut the tie that binds you to your man in the unhealthy way — in the way that keeps you reliant on him for self worth and stuck down the well when you don’t get it.
In my previous articles, I’ve discussed the tree-energy exercise, where you grab nourishment from the earth to self-soothe and feel emotionally “fed.” It’s my favorite way to feel grounded and cut the unhealthy tie to him. You can also grab nourishment from what I call “soul wants.” When you feel a need to reach for him in any way — call him, talk with him about his attitude — I want you to instead take a deep breath, slow down your thinking and go inward. Ask yourself this question:
“What does my soul really desire right now?”
It could be a walk in the park. It could be a call to an old friend to catch up and laugh. It could be a hot bubble bath with rose petals floating on the foamy surface. It can be anything that takes you away from the problem — that cuts the tie. Therefore, it can’t be about him. If the answer to your question becomes “To call him!!” that’s not your soul speaking to you; that’s your fear. Keep breathing and get in tune with your soul’s voice.
“Soul wants” really help because they keep you still when you break away from yourself for a moment. When the urge to be near him comes on, a fear is provoked so deep in you, and you break away from your spirit. You break away from your connection to the ground, to your soul and to your center. You are then more susceptible to your impulses. When you seek out a “soul want,” you bring yourself back to your core self.
Don’t Lie To Yourself About That Emotionally Unavailable Man!
Pulling your hair out, perplexed and frustrated as to why the unavailable man you love doesn’t seem to reciprocate love? After all, you know that no other woman will ever be as caring and loving as you are with him. Your friends have given up trying to convince you that you’re too good for him. He may have even told you that you deserve better. But despite his lackluster feelings for you, why can’t you stop trying to change him? Why are you holding onto the idea of “I’m the best thing that will ever happen to him?”
Let me guess — in the beginning, he was magical. He treated you better than any man ever has. He seemingly worshiped you and acted pleasantly surprised that such a super woman as yourself gave him the time of day. And this was all happening when you weren’t so nice, so attentive and loving — when you were feeling unsure about him and guarded.
Then you started to care about him. Your heart began to warm over and you started to feel safer in his presence. Soon you were cooking for him, listening to all his problems, working out harder in the gym for him, maybe even buying him things. You were his mother, psychologist, trophy girl and sex kitten all in one. Maybe you were feeling a bit off your center. You weren’t living for your choices anymore; instead, you were influenced by his behavior. You burned bucket-loads of energy on thoughts about him, you became sensitive to his moods, and you planned your week around his schedule.
Then something happened. It was as if he slowly turned around and walked the other way, away from you. He stopped calling as often and metamorphosed into a moody, snippy and cold jerk, as if your love annoyed him.
This isn’t an article about how you lost this unavailable man because you started to focus on him — that he lost interest because you cared too much or smothered him. Chances are you did nothing unhealthy in the dating relationship. You just started to fall in love, and that’s normal. It’s normal to feel off your center in the beginning of a love affair. It’s normal to think about him and worry about what his actions and words really mean. You cared about him and those feelings made you vulnerable to him. It’s normal that you felt insecure and clingy when he suddenly pulled away without transparent communication — a person with poor conflict resolution skills can bring out your own. Any dating or love advice calling you needy or smothering is only designed to keep you pursuing the wrong type of men.
But here is the real truth: this guy is the wrong guy for you. It’s that simple. You have a lot of love to give. You’re convinced “I’m the best thing that will ever happen to him” because you probably are, and one day he may see that, but it doesn’t matter. Even if he comes crawling back, chances are he will drift away again. He will become ungrateful and feel smothered again. Why? He probably can’t handle closeness in a relationship in the manner that you want, need and deserve. He could be the kind of guy who likes a little more room in his relationships — to feel off his center, to question his own lovability and to have the space to yearn. A guy like this doesn’t care for a woman who is the best thing that ever happened to him; he wants the best power struggle that ever hooked him in. He will never experience intimacy in the safe, loving and joyous way you crave. He won’t know how to express his emotional needs and his feelings, because they confuse and terrify him. Every solid relationship for him, even a marriage, will feel hollow, lonely and boring.
Do you want to know how to cool off “I’m the best things that will ever happen to him” fever? It’s time to recognize your patterns and reclaim your life. First, you need to emotionally and mentally detangle from this unavailable man. The best way to do this is to better understand your emotional needs. What are the positive aspects of this guy that feed your soul? How can you feed that part of you without him? What are the toxic aspects of this guy that keep you like a worm on a hook? What are your deeper insecurities and existential pain that his drama helps you avoid? What is it about being a martyr that’s familiar to you? Did you feel like you had to be the good girl growing up to feel loved? Do you get a twisted power from being the victim of this situation, even if you also feel powerless in it? What about that power feels familiar?
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He Lost Interest. Now What?
Article I wrote for BlackLoveAdvice.com:
If your relationship has done a 180 and you are now pursuing the man you love instead of being adamantly pursued by him, I know exactly how you feel. I dated a few guys who went from in love to missing in action. If he lost interest in you, it’s still not too late—it wasn’t too late for me.
If you follow me online, you know that the man I’m with now was once a drifter. He called me his miracle in the beginning of the relationship and then he didn’t call me at all. I was able to save this relationship, unlike those few before him who also lost interest in me, because I learned a few things about men and love.
Here’s a powerful tip to help you gain back his interest now that he has lost interest in you:
If He Lost Interest, Sit On Your Hands To Regain His Love
In my past, when a man lost interest in me, I would start to panic. I would do whatever I could to pull him toward me. I would give him gifts, text him invites, offer to clean his house and help him sort out his emotional problems. I become a mom, a buddy and a psychologist all wrapped up in one. But what I didn’t become was his girlfriend again.
When you chase a man by becoming a shape-shifter for him (“I’ll shift into any role you need of me!”) you end up pushing him further away. Shape-shifting has a waft of neediness and desperation and a man will sense that all your polite gestures aren’t free. He will begin to feel manipulated and obliged to you and that’s smothering.
On the other hand, you can’t push him away either. In my past, while I was pulling a man toward me by chasing him, I was also, at the same time, pushing him away with rejecting behavior. I was so wrapped up in him and worried that he’d abandon me, any gesture he would make to come close and get to know me would be met with hesitation and a heap of nerves.
Instead of pull/push a man in the attempt to make him regain interest, it’s best to do what I call sitting on your hands. Do nothing to chase him and focus instead on remaining still and calm and having welcoming energy oozing from an open heart.
Don’t call him or invite him places or give him gifts or cute “friendly” text messages, etc. Just live your life, breathe, feel your feelings and when he contacts you, be welcoming and inviting. Listen to him, laugh with him and let him set the pace of the conversation. Treat him like a casual friend who always brings a smile to your face when she calls you.
Goddess Love Help: He Wants Space? Now What?
He Wants Space & You Want Him! Time To Breathe & Tell Him How You Feel Before He Takes His Time Away!
If a man has recently told you that he wants space from you and the relationship, I know how you feel. I’ve been in a few dating relationships with men who have taken space. Sometimes it seems like a man is 100% devoted to dating you and then, all of a sudden, out of the blue (without any real relationship problems), he wants space. I was heartbroken and shocked each time this happened to me.
Now it’s time for you to follow my love help advice and soothe your heartache and worries. It’s time for you to reclaim your life and find your grounding so that you don’t reach out to him and you don’t fall into a well of darkness and low self-esteem like I did countless times before in my past.
What To Tell Him When He Wants Space
When he wants space, you have to give him space. You have to respect his wishes and his needs. It doesn’t mean you have to like that he wants space.
So, how do you respect his desire for distance while still being honest about your feelings? It’s simple. You tell him how you feel.
Do you feel worried that he’ll never come back? Tell him. Do you feel angry that he “slapped” you with this from what seems like left field? Tell him. Do you doubt whether you want to stay with him if he does come back? Tell him. Are you worried that you did something wrong that caused him to claim he wants space? Tell him.
Tell him everything you feel—all of it is safe to say; he won’t run further away. The key is in the DELIVERY. It’s all about the VIBE you have when you speak with him and in the SPECIFIC WORDS you choose when speaking to him.
My Love Help To You: Focus On Your Vibe
When you talk to him after he wants space, you have to have grounded energy. You have to resist the urge to pull him toward you. Practice planting your feet in the ground and imagining that there are roots coming out of the earth, climbing up your legs.
Imagine that these roots are filled with loving, soothing, calming and comforting “soul food” that nurture you as if you are part of the plant. So every time you feel the inclination to beg him, plead to him, cry to him, or even to shut down and wall off—I want you to use this dating advice for women VISUAL to help you stay openhearted and still in one place. Make it so that he can come and go and you aren’t going to interfere by chasing him or pushing him away.
It’s like raising a child. When you sit back and let the child come to you and tell the child that you are there for him when and if he needs you, he will come closer and closer. When you are an overbearing caretaker (or a neglecting one), the child develops an insecure attachment with you. He also can feel unsafe with you—that you are a burden to him emotionally because you are so overbearing.
Be the kind of mother who is available and “at peace” in her heart when you are talking with your man. Feel secure in your attachment to the earth so that you don’t fall victim to panicking about losing him.
The Specific Words You Use When Talking To Him
When you speak with him you have to not only stay grounded and unwavering in your ability to let him come and go without your interference, you also have to use words that he can hear—words that are effective at communicating your TRUTH.
Stick to talking about your feelings. You can talk about your feelings for him and your feelings surrounding the fact that he wants space. You should avoid blame and any words that negate his need for space.
Do say things like:
I love you and I’m sorry if I hurt you.
I appreciate our relationship and I do care about your feelings.
I will miss you during this time but I want to respect your wishes.
Right now I am angry, confused, sad, pissed, going crazy inside, etc.
I don’t know if I can wait for you but I think I’ll try.
I am scared that you are going to leave for good but I will be okay no matter what.
Don’t say things like:
You can’t do this to me!
Fine! Well then, I don’t want to be with you anymore! (when you do)
You are an a**hole, a commitment phobic jerk, an emotionally unavailable piece of ****, etc.
I won’t be okay if you leave me.
Once He’s Taken Space, You Have To Back Off
When he wants space, it’s time for you to refocus your energy on the parts of your life that have been neglected because of this dating relationship. What are you passions outside of him? Who are your friends and family members whom you haven’t seen in a while?
Dust off all the part of you that have been set aside because of the relationship.
Take Gentle Care Of Number #1– YOU
Do the very best to take care of yourself at this time. Take one day at a time and be very tender, loving, easy and forgiving with yourself.
Try to see his space as a time to self-reflect. What are the issues that you bring to a relationship that need some altering:
Are you too needy?
Do you commit yourself to guys too soon?
Do you pick the wrong guys?
Are you susceptible to being treated like a doormat?
Do you struggle with sticking up for yourself with men?
Do you have issues with knowing your personal boundaries?
Are you unable to be receptive and available when a man is emotionally available?
Are you brimming with uncontained, hostile emotion that is scary for a man?
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Like I said—be gentle with yourself when he wants space. However, take the focus off wondering and worrying about him and about how he reacted to you and how he might need something else than what you offer, and instead ask yourself if you are happy with the way you’ve acted in the relationship.
So when asking yourself if you are too needy or too nice, don’t think about it from his point of view and what you think are his preferences. Think about it from your perspective. Think about whether you would date you.
Don’t Allow Yourself To Be A Victim When He Wants Space
If you feel like his need for space is triggering some abandonment issues inside you, it’s time to face those issues. Telling yourself things like; “I can’t live without him” and “I feel like I’m worthless now that he’s left” are somewhat normal feelings but too much of that thinking is very unhealthy!
Sometimes when he wants space, we start to romanticize the relationship and our feelings for him grow and grow the more he hurts us and ignores us. Be sure not to start marinating in the pain of his unavailability. Make sure not to be giving him more love and attention (even if it’s just in your mind) when he is distant than when he is available.
Some women have issues with this. They actually only get really “hooked” on the guy when he is pulling back. If you notice that you are giving far more attention to a man when he is drifting away from you than when he is available and eager to show you love and affection, you have to face the fact that you may have issues with intimacy.
Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You to read about my Enchantress Secrets. These secrets are like “goddess love help” rules to follow with men that will not only keep you feeling empowered, grounded and armed with the right words to affect him, they will also get you the kind of guy who deserves you, faces the music with solid communication and doesn’t just say he wants space when it’s probably not warranted.
Signs You Are Working Too Hard To Attract Men
If you’re out on the dating scene, seriously looking for love and commitment, you have to be very cautious about not having too much masculine energy in your dating relationships with men. To attract men, you must receive the attention and affection instead of give it.
When you have too much masculine energy, you are the pursuer, the hunter, the chaser—you carry the weight in the dating relationship. Men don’t like this—it feels smothering, needy and controlling for many of them.
My dating advice for women with too much masculine energy is to SLOW DOWN and SOFTEN UP!
When you have feminine energy, you automatically allow a man to have the masculine energy. You can step back and actually enjoy being pursued and chased instead of feeling resentful and exhausted from tailing him.
STELLAR Dative Advice For Women: EMBODY Feminine Energy & You Will Attract Men
To be successful at having the feminine energy in the dating relationship with a man, you have to find your center. You have to feel grounded, no matter what a man is doing or not doing— no matter how frequently he’s calling or not calling. When you can authentically feel at peace regardless of a man’s behavior and words, you will attract men effortlessly.
Many women think they’re standing in their feminine energy with men, but aren’t. They confuse assertiveness and strength with feeling grounded. Being grounded is about being calm and still and allowing the man closer without needing him to come closer. Being too assertive, you start pulling him toward you, impatient and wanting results. Here are some signs you are in your masculine energy:
Sign #1: You’re Pulling On The Motor Cord To Attract Men
Know how you have to pull a cord to start a motorboat engine? It’s hard work—I know, I used to live in Miami on the ocean and went on boats all the time. Well, when you are in your masculine energy, you are the one pulling the cord to get the relationship going. If you are calling him, texting him, frequenting places he goes, emailing him friendly forwards, planning the dates, chatting up his friends to see what he feels for you—you are pulling the cord.
This is also about offering extras, as I call it. When you call him to make sure he knows how to get to your house, or to see if he would like you to pick him up a few things on the way to his house, or to know if he has any questions or requests of you—that’s giving him extras. Let him decide when he needs more information from you or when to ask for a favor. Follow my goddess love help and make the decision to TRUST that the man will follow through– have PATIENCE that the right man, who WILL follow through, is out there!
Sign #2: You’re Carrying His Feelings & Thoughts
This includes wondering all the time what he’s thinking; asking him if he’s okay; asking your friends what everything means. Masculine energy is the more “heady” energy and feminine energy is more about being in the moment and “just being”. When you are focused on figured him out and controlling and managing his feelings, you are not able to “just be” and thus you can’t attract men.
Don’t expend energy on worrying about him, especially because you’ll never know what he’s thinking and feeling. Leave it up to him to tell you what you need to know. Let go of needing to pry into his mind—let it all go like a balloon into the sky.
If you really are concerned about some strange behavior on his part, tell him that you feel concerned and scared, instead of telling him that you think he’s this or that. Keep it about YOU and YOUR feelings concerning relationship problems—that’s the feminine approach and it will feel much less invasive for him.
Sign #3: You’re Throwing Your Body At Him
Don’t be the sexual pursuer to attract men. All men are flattered when women want their sex, but it can also feel desperate and demanding to them. It can make a man feel uninspired to hunt you and it can make him feel lost as to how to be the wooer and the charmer in the relationship—the role that caliber, confident men pride themselves in embodying.
If you are a sexual assertive woman, wait until he has made the first move to unleash your inner bossy babe; your vixen side can come out in the bedroom once he takes the initiative to seduce you and shows interest first. Otherwise the man starts feeling like you’re shoving a pill of physical intimacy down his throat and that’s not going to attract men.
Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You to learn more goddess love help on how to treat men, so that you can feel confident, feminine and empowered as a woman who men desire. The book’s 27 enchantress secrets will show you how to make feminine energy-based choices with men, which will allow you to effortlessly attract men like moths to a flame.
Are You Emotionally Needy? Time To Channel A New Vibe & Feel Like His Goddess
Do you feel like everything you do and say to bring him closer is pushing him further away? Does he seem to almost have apathy toward you, rolling his eyes or shutting down and getting rude and grouchy when you try to talk about the relationship? Do you feel like his behavior is making you more emotionally needy and you just wish he’d warm up to you again so you can stop feeling insecure?
If you answered, “yes” to these questions, it’s time to change your vibe.
First, let me say that it’s not your fault. Stop letting his cold shoulder and insensitive words get you feeling like a freak or a weak woman. Everyone gets insecure at times and there’s probably a good chance that his behavior has contributed to your insecurities. It’s really hard even for me to stop myself from falling down into a dark, emotionally needy place when my man pulls back.
The key for me and for YOU is to understand that your insecurities in your relationship don’t affect your worth as a woman. Knowing (and LIVING) this is huge and will help you slip out of the dark, spiraling, anxious place and feel confident and free—no matter what he is doing.
Separate Your Sense Of Self From Your Relationship’s Issues
It’s human nature to lean on your partner or other loved ones for a sense of self. As babies, it’s key to healthy development that our parents instill in us a strong, independent, loving and kind sense of self– we are born extremely impressionable and for the most part, we stay that way.
As women, we are extra sensitive to our environments and have a hard time not letting our environments and the people around us mold our sense of self. Women are very adaptable, which is a beautiful quality that makes us able to gets through all sorts of situations; however, it can make us feel insecure quickly when things don’t go right in our relationships.
When YOU decide not to let him puppet your sense of self, everything becomes easier in your relationship. You not only are able to break free of emotionally neediness, you also seek out men who are more confident and understanding our your needs and insecurities.
How To Change Your Vibe From Emotionally Needy To Goddess!
When you change your vibe and stop being emotionally needy, you are filled with FEMALE POWER. You take the power back in your relationship and you instantly feel grounded, like a tree rooted to the earth, even in moments where your man is acting strange and distant.
Tree Energy Exercise:
One way to ground yourself is to use a visual—the tree I mentioned above is a good one. Imagine there are roots coming straight up out of Mother Earth’s belly, shooting into the bottom of your feet. Imagine that inside the roots thrives a powerful energy force that makes you feel comforted, nurtured and emotionally “fed”. Close your eyes now and imagine the roots tangling up inside your body—wrapping around organs, blood vessels, nerves and muscles. Imagine that your body is lite up with this amazing energy. Feel yourself glowing with sparkly green, pink, yellow particles of light that are radiating off the roots.
How To Act Like His Goddess
Once you start taking emotional nourishment from the earth and cut the “umbilical cord” that you have attached into your man’s heart, you will feel stronger. This umbilical cord is not a heart connection, but it’s a drainage system that has depleted him of life force. Right now he can’t handle your need for connection and that has made you latch onto him in this way.
It’s time to sever this cord by not “pulling at him” when he is already acting grumpy. Here’s what I want you to do next time you are with him and feeling like you want to talk about his behavior and his feelings about you:
Take a deep breath and take the focus off him. Do the tree-energy exercise and when you feel grounded, look at him while continuing to feel rooted in place and say, “I feel sad. I feel disconnected from you and I don’t want to feel this way in a relationship. What do you think I should do?”
Then I want you to listen to what he has to say. If he comforts you, let him. If he gets upset, just breathe and stay grounded. Say, “I don’t want to upset you but this is how I feel and it’s important to me that I voice my feelings.” Then I want you to get up and go do something that makes you happy.
Changing Your Vibe Is About Taking Your Focus Off Him And Placing It Onto Your Feelings!
When you speak up about your feelings and take control of your happiness, you change your vibe. He’s expecting you to focus on him because that’s what you’ve been doing—analyzing what he feels and what he’s thinking. When you starts to see that you have taken the attention off of trying to change him and put it back on yourself, then he will come closer. Until then, he’ll feel smothered and even controlled.
Being a goddess is about selfishness. When I use that word, I simply mean that you detach from his life force and you prioritize your emotional needs. You stop worrying about what he thinks, feels and needs and you start taking care of YOU. It doesn’t matter what he feels or what he is thinking, if what YOU feel is YUCKY. If you feel yucky, it’s about finding a way out of that place that doesn’t include trying to change him. You can share your feelings, ask for change and express your needs, but if he isn’t willing to hear you or offer you reassurance of his love, you have to ground yourself and take nourishment from another source– like the earth.
A goddess is communicative, always speaking the simple truth about how she feels. She owns her feelings and can say, “I feel sad, angry and weak today” in the same unashamed tone as “I feel happy, soft inside and confident today!”
What can you do to ground yourself and cut the cord? Thoughts?
How To Prevent Him From Losing Interest
Was he “all about you” in the beginning of the relationship and now acts like you’re the thing that ate his life? Has he stopped calling? Does he seems irritated when he does spend time when you?
If you are going through a role-reversal, where you have become the pursuer and the one who fights for the relationship, I know how hard that can be and I’m so sorry!
I dated a couple of guys that came onto me like gangbusters in the early stages of knowing me. They chased me, wooed me and practically begged me to give them the exclusivity and commitment. However, things changed once I let my guard down and fell in love with these men.
Soon I was treated like a pariah. They would take hours to return my calls and I always felt like they took me out on a date (or came over for a booty call) when there wasn’t anything else to do. That’s how I felt—like being with me with something to do to blow the time.
Instead of leaving these guys and getting back out there on the dating scene, I stuck around. I tried to work hard to impress these guys and show them that I was worth their hearts.
Read More Relationship Advice From Connect With His Heart: How To Be Confident With Guys!
Maybe you can relate to my history with these men? Do you feel like you have a pattern of turning guys off of you? If so, first let me say that it’s probably as much the type of guy you pick, as it is your behavior in a relationship. In fact, it may be just the guys you pick. However, to help you feel better about getting close to a new guy, here are some tips to prevent him from losing interesting in you:
Don’t Push Him Away Or Pull Him Closer
When you getting to know a guy, it’s best to let him come toward you. Think of him as the one who “moves.” He may move toward you or away from you at times, and I’m asking that you stay still. I call it “sitting on your hands.” When you can be still and remain open-hearted with welcoming energy, you appear confident.
As you get closer to a man, there are going to be times where he will pull back for a bit. Maybe he needs to recoup or make decisions about the relationship. This is natural. It’s important that you don’t punish him for this behavior. Instead of pulling back too, just remain on your hands. When he comes back to you, don’t make him pay for taking space. Be honest about how it made you feel, but stay grounded and let him come toward you again.
Just like it’s important not to push a man away as you get close to him, it’s important not to pull him toward you either. Don’t chase men and don’t try to transform yourself into the type of woman he wants you to be. If you feel the urge to impress him, please him, cater to him, stop yourself and breath. Don’t let you fear of being rejected by him take away your power. Stay sitting on your hands.
Read More Relationship Advice From Connect With His Heart: What Exactly Are Personal Boundaries In A Relationship?
Prevent Him From Losing Interest By Owning Your Emotions
Too many women think that that owning their emotions means shoving them down and not letting a man see the anger, sadness and fear. They try to be perfectly happy and practical girlfriends. So many women buy that lie that love gurus are telling women to follow that preaches that men like rational, practical women who think and act like men.
Men don’t want women who happen to have vaginas. They want that feminine energy to balance their masculine energy. Feminine energy isn’t about pretending to be practical and emotionless. It’s about expressing emotion.
When you “own” your emotions, you express them in a healthy way. Healthy emotional expression in a relationship is all about being honest and open without being overbearing and overwhelming.
When you can admit that you are sad, angry, worried, etc. with the same openness and confidence as you would have when expressing your happiness, you own your feelings. Men are attracted to this quality in a mate. It makes you interesting, fascinating and exciting to be with. It also makes you SAFE to be with, because you are an open book and that creates emotional security for a man.
Step Into Your Sensuality
It’s hard to feel sexy when you don’t believe you are; however, any woman, regardless of her self-image, can feel sensual. Sensuality is all about living in your senses and feeling alive in your body.
Read More Relationship Advice From Connect With His Heart: Are You A Pleaser To Men?
Men respond to sensuality because it makes them feel their own aliveness. This equals hot! for a guy. Ever hear about men leaving their sweet, polite wives because they’ve lost attraction? A lot of the time, this is related to him not feeling his own aliveness through the relationship.
A man will quickly slip away from a woman who is a walking head. You have to be alive in your body: exercise and indulge your senses with good music, healthy food and soft touches. Take long, hot baths or pay for a massage now and then. Find a way to melt stress and feel less tense in your body through meditation and a manageable workload. This will help him feel “soft and melty” when he’s with you and will prevent him from losing interest in you. He will never put you in the “friend zone” if you can “tenderize” him this way.
For tips on how to enchant men with confidence, calm and sensuality, check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You. In its pages, I offer 27 enchantress secrets to magnetizing men and empowering your Female Fire for life in the process!
When A Man Pulls Back In A Relationship, It Can Be Good Or Bad
Women usually process things by getting on the phone with friends and family and talking out their feelings. Men usually process things by pulling back. When a man pulls back in a relationship, it could be a good thing or it could mean that he is a commitment-phobe.
In his book Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venus, Dr. John Gray goes into detail about how men are like rubberbands. They pull back and then snap forward. He explains how it’s important to respect a man’s need to pull back and that men usually pull back when they feel emotionally closer to you.
The problem with all of this is that some men DON’T snap back. Some men pull back and the stay back, or some pull back and snap forward too often and too severely. This sometimes has to do with how you handle them while they pull back, but it also can be about his ability to tolerate intimacy.
Some men who pull back and then stay back (or pull back and come close constantly—i.e. hot then cold), are commitment-phobes. If he is a commitment-phobe, I suggest that you stop respecting his need to pull back and start listening to and respecting your own need for a constant and close emotional connection.
Too many women use the excuse of the “rubberband thingy men do” to stick around with a limited man. They bottle their insecure feelings about his behavior and slap on their best plastic smiles, while hoping that he will come back and offer up a long-term commitment.
And lots of times a commitment-phobe does come back. But not for long. In fact, once they pull back the first time, their periods of staying close become shorter and shorter. Why? Because the level of closeness is too intolerable and they have to constantly break free to recoup.
Where It Leaves You As The Woman When A Man Pulls Back
If you think that your “hot then cold then hot then freezing” guy is just going to stop this behavior without any outside, professional help to guide him toward healthy relationship patterns, you’d be fooling yourself. Most times, this is impossible—a commitment-phobe’s need to get away from feeling trapped is too powerful. (There’s a great book called Men Who Can’t Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol that will help you understand the severity of commitment-phobia and what to look for.)
If he is capable of intimacy and togetherness but has pulled back because the relationship seems to be getting very close to a long-term commitment, then that’s one thing. That is normal and is a strong sign of his serious feelings for you.
In this case, it’s important to handle things a certain way and I’ll get into that in my next article. However, if you have that gut feeling that this guy isn’t safe (you’ve never felt truly safe and secure in the relationship), then it’s time for you to do YOUR rubberband thing and pull back for good.
Hot Then Cold Then Hot Then Cold… Can Ruin Your Self-Esteem
When a man treats you like a filling station, coming by only to refuel on love, attention and affection, it can make you doubt yourself. It can make you question your lovability. It can make you work really hard to keep him around, feeling like you are only worth something when he actually decides to stay put.
It can also leave you with really unhealthy relationship patterns. When a person whom you rely on for support and emotional security constantly vanishes, anxiety builds inside you. You feel like the rug can be ripped from under your feet at any moment, and soon you start to live on edge, waiting for a man to temporarily abandon you. Then, once that precarious relationship is over, you are still left with those anxious feelings.
The next guy who comes around gets the brunt of things. You become anxious with him, expecting him to pull back. You even push him away before he has a chance to pull back by being too demanding or stand-offish. Then, when HE leaves, having felt you were just too much to take, your self-esteem and hope for love plummet!
Don’t let a man ruin your self-esteem or throw you into a pit of anxiety and fears of abandonment. Find a guy who can be there for you. Find a guy who, even when he pulls back, can communicate his feelings and still be there to help you through your feelings. A good man will always care about how he affects you and won’t just do as he pleases without an ounce of concern for how it makes you feel.
Check out my Love Advice Newsletter to learn more about the unhealthy rubber band thing that happens when a man pulls back too often. I call it the anti-love dance, where one person moves forward and the other pulls back. I go into detail about how this dance can deplete your energy, optimism and ability to love in a proper way. In my FREE newsletters, I also talk about how stop pushing healthy men away (maybe you are the rubberband and you don’t even know it) and how to keep a man coming closer and closer.