Inspire His Love For You
“Keep Reading To Learn About The SECRET RELATIONSHIP GUIDE BOOKS For Women That Will Make Him Addicted To You Forever… Even If He’s Currently Showing Little To No Interest!”
From the Desks of: Relationship Experts Sarah Jeanette & Kristina Marchant
Hello. We are Kristina & Sarah and we’ve spent our lives helping women just like you heal and save their love lives.
You are on this site searching for answers. That means you are proactive– the kind of positive and determined woman any man would be LUCKY to have in his life.
“Right Now You Aren’t Being Loved The Way You Deserve!”
If you are being ignored…
Or if his behavior is making you feel jealous & insecure…
Or if you’re analyzing everything he does…
Then this may be the most important letter you could read right now!
Unfortunately, love issues are TIME-SENSITIVE. Once a man goes from hot to cold, your window of opportunity is small.
So let’s get right to it:
- Does he only want a sexual relationship with you?
- Do you get used for your kind heart?
- Has he already asked for space?
- Does he “forget” to get back to you?
- Is he threatening to leave you?
- Is he cheating?
- Has his desire for sex with you all but DIMINISHED?
- Is he DEVOID of tenderness and passion?
- Do you feel like you walk on egg shells around him?
- Has he stopped complimenting you?
Don’t worry if these scenarios sound familiar; there is GOOD NEWS. We can help you today. We’ve been doing this awhile and we assure you that whatever your situation, we’ve helped a relationship come back from worse.
Even if he’s already left you for another woman there is still hope.
“We’ve Been In Your Shoes & Turned Our Love Lives Completely Around!”
Before we became highly sought-out experts on men and love, we were “messes in dresses”! We had psych degrees from impressive colleges but knew nothing when it came having and sustaining real life relationships.
If you answered “yes” to questions above, we both know exactly how you feel. Kristina’s husband just up and left one day. He filed for divorce weeks later. Then, she was left again by a great man who, at first, called her “his miracle”.
And Sarah had dead-end relationships with men for years– relationships that all once seemed so promising.
We were always so shocked at how FAST things seemed to fall apart. We went from being pampered, praised and adored to being emotionally dropped. We went from being the man’s top priority to his “afterthought”: something he thought about after his children, his job, his parents, his hobbies, etc.
“It Was The Same Heartbreaking Outcome Each Time We Liked A Guy”
- When things were good in our relationships, we felt strong and supported. We felt confident.
- When things were bad, we would act impulsively from a terrified, weak place inside us. We felt out of control; we pushed men further and further away by spiraling into a black hole of insecurity.
We’d be obsessed with a man’s behavior (what it all really meant) and we would over-think everything we said and did.
Not to mention, we would CATER to our distant and distracted men: more sex, more smiles, more jumping through hoops to plan the perfect date or the perfect text message.
But no matter what we tried, men remained distant and seemingly uninspired to love us and honor the relationship.
“Don’t Make The Fatal Mistakes Most Women Make When A Mall Pulls Back”
Mistake #1: Fill In the Spaces Where He Has Gone Lax
Most smart and successful professional women know what it takes to get ahead in business, but putting in sweat, blood and tears won’t win you back a man like it will a job promotion.
- Convincing him of why he should be with you
- Planning elaborate dates in hopes he will want to go
- Helping him do things that he should be doing for himself (paying his bills, etc.)
- Catering to him with massages or “performance sex”
- Making/buying him li’l gifts and sweet lovey cards
- Fighting for his love while he sits back
…you are not helping yourself.
You are actually rewarding him for bad behavior. You are indirectly saying, “Treat me poorly and I’ll give you more attention and fight harder for you.” You have to reward a man only for good behavior, and right now, that may be hard to come by.
Now I’m not saying he won’t appreciate your efforts. He may truly be grateful for your help and attention, but your efforts won’t make you more attractive. They may even push him further away.
“Thank you for writing this guide to love. I feel like books I read about men tell you an end-result of the kind of woman a man loves but these books detail how to get there.” -Greta, 63
Mistake #2: Keep Silent, Remain Closed Off & Stay Afraid
It’s a natural response when a man pulls back to want to shut up and not do anything that would further ruffle his feathers. But when you stop speaking your mind to please a man, you look weak and FEEL weak inside, which makes you act like a DOORMAT.
When a man can sense that you aren’t comfortable opening up to him about your feelings, he feels like he isn’t doing a good job at making you feel safe.
Even if your man doesn’t make you feel safe, he still would rather hear you speak up and express your concerns over watch you suffer silently out of fear.
Thinking that you are afraid to speak up will make him feel like the bad guy and he will pull back.
Plus, your lack of honesty will further disconnect the relationship.
- Inspire passion in his heart
- Have a more satisfying relationship, where he “shows up” fully.
- Feel like a new woman inside.
Mistake #3: Victimize Yourself By Whining, Crying & Screaming
Men want to please women. It allows them to feel their “power to provide”. However…
Once he starts to wall you off, you can’t harp on him about how much you hurt inside and how much you need him to work harder for your love. Once he starts laying emotional bricks between you, it’s just a matter of time before he loses attraction and even starts feeling APATHY toward you.
Look, it’s human nature to get LOUDER and more DESPERATE the longer you go unheard. However, turning up the volume makes him TURN THE CHANNEL. You end up totally tuned out.
Even though you have EVERY RIGHT to feel upset about not being heard, love isn’t about who is right. It’s about doing what works: crying, screaming, pouting or any other form of emotional reacting doesn’t work. It makes you feel like A WET BLANKET to him, dragging him down and closing him off.
“I was inspired by your two’s honesty about yourselves and decided to be courageous and speak about my fears to my boyfriend. He was quiet but attentive. I felt like I was naked or like my skin was “unzipping to him”… It was like an experience I had once at church… Well, when we went to sleep later after everything, he thought I was sleeping but I heard him cry. He touched me exactly how you two taught me to touch him and how I did earlier in the night. It was a miracle. I called his sister and told her. Bless you both.”- Nicole, 32
Mistake #4: Play Games With Him
Once you start playing hard-to-get, doing things such as ignoring his calls on purpose, you are setting yourself up to lose him in the long-run. Games only work for a while and they totally undermine trust in a relationship. If he comes back, it won’t be for long and you will have to continue playing games with him to keep him. Games get you a limited man for a limited amount of time.
When you play games, the only thing left in the relationship is POWER. The love is gone, the trust is gone and the two of you are left fighting for attention and control. It’s a lose-lose situation.
“Getting Him Back & Making Him Fall In Love Is Easier Than You Think.”
We make love so complicated and it doesn’t have to be. You already have everything it takes to inspire him. There is a goddess inside you who is dying to break free of the web in which you’ve entangled her so that she can help you save your relationship.
What your inner goddess understands is that you get more from men by doing less.
By doing less, I don’t mean putting a void between you and him to force him to bridge the gap. By doing less I just mean stop doing all the garbage that doesn’t work.
Your mind, your girlfriends, your mom… they are all lying to you. The words we tell ourselves and the advice we gather from loved ones only add more confusion, pain and insecurity. The key is to stop listening!
Start listening to your inner goddess.
“But where is she?,” you ask.
Our program will show you how to reach her. We’ll transform you into your highest self to be the fun, confident, sexy and carefree beauty he wants and needs in his life.
“So What’s The Answer To Bringing Him Closer?”
What your inner goddess innately “gets” is that there’s a secret to making him fall in love:
In love, you have to be TOUGH and TENDER at the same time.
You have to know how to RISK VULNERABILITY and be soft and sensitive yet still able to STAND UP for yourself.
Society has made us all very successful at putting up walls, even when we have no idea we are doing so. It’s important that you don’t have any emotional walls and can be vulnerable around a man. As women, we shutdown, harden and become brittle and too fragile. Too many of us are, unfortunately, like PORCELAIN– hard on the surface yet shattering to pieces at the slightest provocation.
Instead you need to be both MALLEABLE and UNBREAKABLE! You must be like a PALM TREE that bends with the storm to survive the winds.
- Are you currently too hurt and too INSECURE to feel comfortable around him?
- Have you EVER had the kind of relationship in which the man does the work and you just relax into his efforts?
- Do you let HIM be the MAN? Or are you too busy pushing him out of the driver’s seat so you can take the wheel?
“I was so very surprised at how your exercises helped crumble my walls in my relationship with my boyfriend and how well he responded to it. I really love the [Always Planted in Love Exercise].” -Kelly, 28
“You Already Have Everything It Takes & We Can Unleash Your Inner Goddess In An Hour!”
Even if he’s got one foot out the door…
Even if he’s told you he’s not in love with you…
We will take you by the hand and show you how to make him fall in love practically OVERNIGHT.
We will show you how to expose yourself to him fully, without chasing, without pretending, without forcing or getting anxious.
Then and only then, his heart will open.
“Men Don’t Even Know What We Understand About Men!”
Guys are CLUELESS as to how attraction forms. Look what one man wrote to us about other men:
“Your advice is so insightful. Men don’t get it. We don’t understand what makes us fall for a woman. We think sex appeal is about looks or sexual performance. Or we think that a woman is sexy when she keeps you chasing her. We don’t see how a vulnerable and sensual woman melts our hearts and makes us feel comfortable and turned on in their presence. Thank you for helping women understand us better ’cause we don’t have a freakin’ clue what makes us tick!”- Bill, 33
Men think they understand love and what makes them fall for a woman. They don’t. They have no idea.
They talk about wanting a woman who doesn’t bust their balls and gives them heaps of space. But what they don’t know is that they crave a woman who demands trust, honesty, respect and closeness in her relationship.
It’s always the nice, passive and complacent women who remain unmarried. Notice how the demanding women always have a husband?
We DON’T want you to become a bitch or parade around with false confidence. But we do want you to STOP listening to that advice out there telling you to worship a man’s need for space.
Stop trying to be easygoing. Just forget you heard it. It’s all junk that will get you nowhere with a man.
With a man you have to be the LOVE GUIDE and show him with your actions what it means to have a deeply intimate, close and loving partnership with someone. The LOVE GUIDE takes a man from thinking like a single person to thinking like one half of a devoted couple!
This program makes you an effective and cherished LOVE GUIDE!
“These books have been the savior of my self-esteem. I never before understood how to truly connect and share with a man…Kristina and Sarah are loving and non-judgmental teachers who have shown me the way to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Thank you for giving me the tools I need to discover the relationship I’ve always longed for.” – Ginina, 33
Here’s the answer you’ve been looking for:
“Inspire His Love For You Is The Relationship Saver! It’s The Bible On Men And The Mirror Into Which You Can See Your Inner Goddess!”
- Rebuild Intimacy in your relationship and have him touching and kissing again you.
- Breeze through TOUGH TALKS like those about commitment and use those TENSE MOMENTS to bring him closer.
- Feel and act like a proud, dignified and sexy goddess!
- Have the tools at your fingertips that will keep him devoted, happy & UNDER YOUR LOVE SPELL for the rest of your lives!
Here’s What You’ll Get:
- A 2-volume relationship guide book of over 200 pages on inspiring a man to love and adore you. Direct Download (PDF format /adobe)
- A TRACK OF MEDITATIONS to help guide you.
- A MIND MAP to carry with you when you want to study up on how our insight and techniques interrelate, so that you can master the art of what we call “emotion seduction.”
- A GLOSSARY of all our unique, custom-created love terminology, which will help you scroll through our pages when you are in a hurry and need to find a specific exercise fast.
- Tons of famous, inspirational QUOTES to help encourage you on your journey and make you feel less alone in the process.
Inspire His Love For You VOLUME ONE
- We will teach you how to take all your confusing, hostile, scary, dark emotions and feelings of panic and turn them into peaceful, charming, engaging, trusting, lighthearted feelings that will make a man drawn to you.
- We will give you the number one reason why your fantasy relationship is still a goal and not a reality.
- We will help render your insecurities powerless, while ALSO showing you how to use them to CAPTURE HIS HEART.
- We’ll explain why your energy around a man is more important than what you say or do and simple exercises to instantly feel this vivacious, all-loving, all-trusting energy vibrating through your whole body.
- We’ll explain how to be more accurately AWARE of how your words and behavior are being received by him, in order to know if you are on the right track toward inspiring his love.
- We will help make you much less sensitive to his every movement and sentence, in order to raise your confidence about the relationship and not have you worried all the time about what everything means.
- You’ll get a wonderful exercises to help you quickly SELF-SOOTHE in moments of desperation, when you feel compelled to act compulsively and impulsively with him.
- We’ll explain at length about our concept of Love-Based Giving, and get you giving the best of yourself, from the best place inside you.
- We will teach you HOW to be interesting and dynamic in the eyes of highly intelligent men, even if you feel insecure about your level of intelligence.
- You’ll read about case studies of Friends With Benefits, Wives in Failing Marriages, Girlfriends With Evaporating Boyfriends, and other women in unsatisfying relationships and exactly how we helped all of them win-over the hearts of their men.
- We’ll restore your faith in men and in your man.
- We’ll teach you how to express your needs to him in a manner that will make him jump to serve instead think you are clingy.
- We will give you a secret tool that actresses like Jennifer Aniston, Emma Stone, and Julia Ormond use when acting in romantic comedies, in order to make you feel and act just as adorable, silly, quirky, and lovable as they are.
- You’ll get EXERCISES and TOOLS to give yourself permission to be happy, no matter WHAT a man is doing or saying to you.
- We’ll give you specific reasons why your man withdraws from loving you and warning signs and signals of his growing disinterest.
- You’ll learn how to cast your Feminine Light over a man and make him feel blessed to have your luminous glow in his life.
- You’ll learn meditations and Mantras to lift your self-esteem, soothe your anxieties about him, and get you excited about connecting with him.
- You’ll get a very PROACTIVE way of thinking about the word “love” that will help you turn feelings into dynamic behavior!
- You’ll learn all about our Signature Concept: having a little-girl heart with men! You’ll learn what it is, why it will magnetize men and exercises to help you have one with men.
- We will put you on the path to craving and seeking out only the kind of men you SHOULD be seeking out.
- We will OPEN YOUR EYES to the amount of ANGER you hold inside right now because of your relationship and how to defuse it, in order to stop subconsciously pushing him away and start to consciously bring him closer to you.
- We will help you heal your heart from past heartbreak and get you using these experiences to make you a better lover, partner, friend to your man.
- We will teach you about The Pact that every mindful and successful lover makes with herself in relating to men. It’s not what you think.
- We will guide you on HOW to journal your feelings in a way that will get you knowing yourself better, in order to STOP subconscious, self-sabotaging behavior.
- We will give you a Third Eye to Spot Toxic Men Within Minutes.
- AND many more exercises, tools, concepts and visuals to change your VIBE around him and get you seeing yourself in a clearer light, in order to ELECTRIFY his every SENSE!
Inspire His Love For You VOLUME TWO
- You’ll get insight into HOW to touch a man to create a safe place for him to express his vulnerabilities and WHEN to touch him this way.
- We will teach you HOW to take better care of your body, heart and mind and make your man find you irresistibly beautiful and confident!
- You will be loving your life enough to create strong personal boundaries and STICK to them.
- With our help, you will be easily communicating with all men in a way that will instantly bring down their guard and make them feel honored to be your shoulder to lean on.
- We will give you mindful step-by-step guide to follow when communicating with your man about the relationship, in order to inspire him to want to commit and/or be a better man for you.
- You’ll learn exactly how to express your feelings for him to him and get him WANTING to talk about the love between you both. Hint: Men are different than women. For him it’s all about his status in your eyes over the depth of feeling in your heart.
- We will transform you into Madame Receiver, knowing how to receive from a man and surrender control, in order to inspire his desire to serve and service you ALL THE TIME.
- We’ll give you a powerful tool which will make him ENJOY your texts, calls, emails, instead of wince at the sight of them.
- You’ll become more sexual overnight– desiring sex more often and awakening irrepressible and wild attraction in men everywhere.
- We will have you feeling sexually confident with men, like a vixen, a bedroom diva, a sensual playmate who is soft, sweet and knows how give sexual pleasure and how to deepen emotional intimacy through physical intimacy.
- You’ll learn our If You Only Knew You Sexy Man, You exercise will have men drooling on their ties and they won’t know WHY they are sooo attracted to you.
- We will help you feel safe, relaxed and confident enough to marinate in male attention and have him deeply desiring more of your sassy banter and your cat-that-ate-the-canary smiles.
- We will get you AUTHENTICALLY, EFFORTLESSLY smiling and giggling with your man today and in a way that will spark his own humor and desire to entertain you and make you laugh.
- You’ll learn how to exude a certain vivacious energy that grabs male attention from the moment you walk in a room.
- You’ll learn the number one thing most men look for when deciding to commit to a woman forever and how to master having that quality. Hint: It has NOTHING to do with your looks, your ability to perform in the bedroom or your cooking skills.
- We will help you be an oyster shucker and get your man talking often and at length about his vulnerable feelings within and outside the relationship.
- We’ll help turn your body language and body posture into that of a goddess who can draw out the tenderness and affection of ANY MAN, and make him want to honor you as his Love Empress forever. And this has everything to do with feeling safe and free in your personal space when around him.
- You’ll learn HOW to risk vulnerability with a man and let him see your soft, delicate, female tenderness that’s currently buried under heaps of confusion and heartache.
- You’ll learn WHY you must show him your underbelly vulnerability and see HOW it can change everything about his gentlemanly behavior INSTANTLY.
- We will teach you how to handle your anxiety as you get close to him and help you to DRAW HIM TO YOU faster and more intensely than he ever thought possible with a woman.
- You’ll get TONS more to help you to change everything around for yourself and get you triggering extreme feelings of lust and love in his heart for you, today!
- Inspire passion in his heart
- Have a more satisfying relationship, where he “shows up” fully.
- Feel like a new woman inside.
You’ll Also Get… A Meditation MP3
An audio recording of all our Meditative Exercises found in the manuals.
Plus, ones not in the manuals.
That’s almost an hour-long MP3 of our voices taking you through our techniques.
You can practice them in your car or while your soak in a bubble bath.
They are meditations to build your self-belief, soothe your fear centers and your anxiety, help you compel men to want to trust you and love you, and help you build a long-term romance with your man.
“And Guess What Else You’ll Receive? How Would You Like FREE VIP ACCESS To Ask Us Anything You Want?”
We are currently offering ongoing, 24-hour e-mail support, and it’s INCLUDED if you order Inspire His Love For You today.
That means that one of us will PERSONALLY:
- DISSECT, DIAGNOSE and explain EXACTLY where the problems are in your relationship, and what you can do to solve them.
- GUIDE you through the program and help you understand how to it all works to help you.
- Translate “MAN SPEAK” so that you can understand what he’s really saying.
- Help you PUT TOGETHER a PLAN to GET HIM to fall in love.
- Reveal exercises and tools we ONLY use with private clients.
- And much, MUCH MORE…
Not only that, WE WILL PERSONALLY RESPOND TO YOU WITHIN 48 HOURS OF RECEIVING YOUR E-MAIL!
But act now, because our careers as relationship and dating coaches are really taking off and we aren’t available to accept many more clients.
“Inspire His Love For You Offers You A 60-Day Full Money Back Guarantee!”
“We’ll Show You How To Make Him Lust After You, Listen To Your Needs & Care About Your Feelings!”
This program is so powerful. It will make shifts happen in your brain and give you the confidence you’ll need to upsurge his attraction for you and deepen his love.
The program isn’t about feeding you pop psychology theories. It’s not about showing you how to be someone you aren’t to fool him or hook him with intermittent rewards.
It’s about giving you the tools, exercises and scripts you need to help you get out of your own way.
When he starts to feel a NEW ENERGY pouring off you, his primal urge to both protect you and ravish you at the same time will resurface. This is what we call your “cherish quotient”. If you want a man to love you and romance you, you have to have a high cherish quotient!
Love is raw and primal for a man. He can’t convince himself he loves you or talk with you about commitment like it’s a business deal. He has to have passion and unbridled attraction for you or he’s not invested.
“Inspire His Love For You Works. It’s NOT Like That Fluff Out There!”
Inspire His Love For You isn’t like all those other books and coaching programs out there which capitalize off your fears and insecurities by selling your more fear and encouraging more insecurities.
So much love advice out there gives you a list of laws you MUST follow with men and paints some cookie-cutter image you HAVE TO BECOME in order to have him love you.
We work with your personality and give you tools to help you be the best YOU with a man.
We want your inner goddess to awaken so you can LIVE the part and inspire his deep feelings, not ACT the part and make him think you’re too insecure to be yourself around him.
Our results can be Drastic, Lasting, and Immediate!
Do it for yourself. Do it for him.
He wants the kind of loving, honest, sexy, and deeply-connected relationship you want, as badly as you want it!
All Our Inspiration,
- Inspire passion in his heart
- Have a more satisfying relationship, where he “shows up” fully.
- Feel like a new woman inside.
Inspire His Love For You makes no warranties of any kind (either expressed or implied) concerning the materials on the site. Further, it does not warrant that transmission of the materials will not be interrupted nor does it warrant that the materials will contain no errors nor that they will be accurate. All products from www.inspirehisloveforyou.com are provided “as-is” without any warranties of any kind whatsoever (either expressed or implied) and you alone assume any and all risk associated with use of these products. By purchase and/or use of this product you waive any claim whatsoever against and hold harmless www.inspirehisloveforyou.com and any of its officers, staff, advisors, representatives, or designees that may arise from such use. Our products are not substitutes for professional help and we recommend women who feel unsafe in their relationships with men or feel that they are a harm to themselves or others should seek professional help immediately. Bless you.
Red Rose Woman
What is that thing that certain women possess that make them enchantresses?
She innately gets that her job in a relationship is to make her man feel like the best man that he can be. She knows that her love is like water and his pride like a cork, rising higher and higher with her adoration and support.
The original enchantresses of the Round Table knew how to make alpha males into chivalrous, gallant knights. They knew how to use their Female Fire to make them better warriors and better humans, at the same time.
An enchantress puts a love spell on her man, making him surrender his male freedoms to be with her and be loved by her. But she never takes his weakness for her love for granted. She is 100% appreciative and humble. She knows that her good grace will keep him happy and hungry for more of her love potion!
This woman is inside you and she is waiting for you to unleash her into the world of eager men– men who restlessly long for your love spell!
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You will show you how to offer him the kind of love that will never bore him, the kind of love that will make him grow up, face his responsibilities and love you the way you deserve.
Ready to make that special man into your brilliant knight? HowToBeAManMagnet.com
Goddess Love Help: Getting Grounded When He Pulls Back!
Goddess Love Help gets you feeling secure with yourself and your circumstances no matter what he’s doing!
So you’re dating a great guy and all of the sudden he needs space. Maybe his distancing feels out-of-the-blue, or maybe you’ve been sensing that he’s been slowly pulling back. What do you do? What do you say? The best goddess love help I can offer you is to stop worrying about what to do and what to say.
The more you chase him, strategize, stress and worry about his actions and his response, the more you are pushing him away.
Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work
First let me clarify that goddess love help NEVER involves playing games. Games don’t work. Games are useless because they don’t address the underlying issues that force you to play games in the first place.
When you play games (silent treatment, feigning indifference, going hot then cold, etc.) you gain a man’s attention; however, the reconnection is short lived. Usually he will just take space again after a few weeks or months, and you will be forced to play games again.
Playing games puts you on a disheartening hamster wheel; games don’t bring you and him closer (playing games actually does the opposite because games play off of a man’s abandonment issues); games destroy your self-esteem.
Your participating in games sends a direct message to the areas of your brain that manage your self-worth: “I have to pretend not to care about this man and manipulate his feelings because I am not loveable just as I am, when I am just being myself.”
And you are loveable just as you are! You become someone you aren’t when you try too hard with games and that’s not attractive.
Goddess Love Help Is All About Being One With The Universe
Buddhists believe in The Oneness: the theology that all living things are of the same thread of God—that the loving energy that has created you is the same that has created me and so on. We are all connected and that connection (that endless energy, like a thread) is God.
My goddess love help makes use of The Oneness.
Right now he is pulling back from you and you are panicking. You love him and don’t want to lose this amazing man. You’re playing every scenario over in your head, wondering where you went wrong—what you said or did to push him away.
But you will never know what you did wrong… or even if his distancing had anything to do with you at all. In fact, in many cases, a man’s emotional distancing has to do with his emotional unavailability more than it has to do with a woman’s behavior in the dating relationship.
So it’s best to stop analyzing and worrying about what you did wrong or what you can do to change things. It’s best to stop worrying about him as much as possible.
But how do you take the focus off him? You do it by embracing The Oneness and gathering strength, peace of mind and loving energy from the world around you.
Next time you feel compelled to reach out to him and fix the issues between you both, take a deep breath instead and allow the strength of The Oneness to soothe and replenish you:
Go fro a walk and take a look at the natural world around you: the rustling trees that have spread their roots over this earth for decades before you were born; the tiny roses that seduce bees, butterflies and hummingbirds with their potent fragrance; the little weeds that struggle to sprout between the wedges in the sidewalk…
Take energy from each of these things. Feel your heart expanding with love, life and perseverance. Feel your connection to these life systems and allow yourself to ‘just be’ as they are ‘just being’ in that moment:
The tiny roses don’t try and seduce the insects, they just do. They exist and naturally function as they were meant to function. You were meant to just be in the moment and live in that awareness without stress about the future or past. This is your way of seducing a man.
Getting Grounded—Avoiding Pulling Energy
The more you feel the power of The Oneness and the more you can ‘just be’ among the loving energy that is all around you, the less you will pull your man toward you.
See, he can feel your pulling energy. He can sense it even without being in your physical presence. It lingers in every text, email and phone call.
He has pulled away to get relief from this energy. It’s very smothering and he doesn’t have to the tools (a lot of men don’t) to help ease your distress that is causing your pulling energy.
This doesn’t mean that you have pushed him away—he could be so sensitive to a woman’s emotional needs that the slightest pulling energy on a woman’s part scares him. This kind of man is called emotionally unavailable and there is nothing you can do to change him from being this way.
Some men are not emotionally unavailable, they just don’t know how to process and deal with a woman’s pulling energy. They run away (temporarily or permanently) instead of communicating what they think and need.
Nourish Your Heart With The Universe Instead Of Through Him
Finding your grounding and feeding off the energy of the universe takes the burden off him. He stops feeling like you are dragging him down (pulling him under) with needs and demands.
When you can BOUNCE BACK from a fight… when you can stop sweating the small stuff… when you can remove yourself from the drama of the relationship and find your way back to a loving, peaceful heart… when you can surrender and not try and control his thoughts and feelings… that’s when you will find true love.
That’s when the question becomes—Is HE mature enough for MY emotional maturity and newfound ability to love and share intimacy? And if the answer is ‘no’, you will let him go as easily as you would a leaf into a river.
Check out my Love Advice Newsletter and transform your life and the way you think about love. It’ll show you the significance of SURRENDER and ‘going with the flow’. It will also give you the self-esteem to NATURALLY seek out great men.
Dating Advice For Women: What Do Men Look For In A Wife?
Asking the question, what do men look for in a wife is like asking what do people look for in a family pet. Men have different tastes and different ideas of what defines a partnership. Just like how some families prefer a low-maintenance goldfish over a high-maintenance Daschund —one man’s dream gal could be another man’s nightmare date.
What Do Men Look For In A Wife? Calm.
Regardless of the various tastes in women out there, the two things I do think most men look for in a wife are consistency and serenity. Most men tire quickly of women who are moody and overemotional. Think about your own perferences in relationships? Don’t you enjoy the company of friends who put you at ease and are easy to be with?
So what stops a woman from exhibiting consistently serene emotions and a calm vibe?… Answer– Investing too much time and energy in things you can’t control and things that are negative.
Pacify Your Anxiety, Embrace Goddess Energy & Surrender
You can’t control a man’s behavior and his feelings. You can’t control the fact that you don’t know what he’s really thinking. You can ask him but at a certain point you have to stop prying/assuming and surrender control over managing him and the relationship.
You CAN control your behavior and you can share your feelings and needs. You can communicate honestly and directly with a man and you can make the decision not to pursue a relationship that doesn’t work for you.
Take A Moment NOW To Surrender…
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. When you release your breath, allow your need to control to leave your body with the air. Repeat to yourself that you don’t have power over any one man’s will and feelings and that you have to respect the wishes and needs of every man.
Tell yourself over and over that what a man looks for in a wife is less important that the question, what do I look for in a husband? Remind yourself that you have the power to choose, instead of thinking that a certain man is your only option.
Make a promise to yourself that you will prioritize SELF-LOVE– that you will worry less about a man’s reasons and more about your choices. Tell yourself that you will express your feelings to men instead of waste time and energy asking friends what they think men are thinking. Tell yourself that you will make the decision to believe what men tell you and not have blind faith that they love you when they say they aren’t interested.
Dating Advice For Women: Don’t Listen To Pheromones!
What do men look for in a wife? Someone who knows her personal boundaries and treats men how she wants to treat them instead of how she thinks she has to treat them to keep their interest.
Don’t get caught up in forcing love with some guy you’d rate a 10. A guy is a 10 when he treats you like a 12!
When you aren’t crazy about a guy, it’s easy to be yourself and demand that he honor your inner goddess. That confidence should exist no matter who the guy is and what he looks like. Even if he seems like the man who was put on Earth just for you by God, don’t start wearing the “soulmate crown” before he bestows it on you.
Make a promise to date a few guys at once and to treat the hotties and the “meh”s the same. Focus on believing in your desirability and not on proving yourself to any man. Have faith that you are enough without having to do anything to make a man compelled to want you.
If you feel stressed out because of a man and are wondering to yourself– what do men look for in a wife– check out my eBook Red Rose Woman to help liberate you from your worries! In the book, I will share my 27 Enchantress Secrets with you and help you embrace your inner goddess! The book’s dating advice for women is all about empowerment and self-love. It’s all about acting like the woman in the relationship and allowing men to woo and pursue you. It’s also about knowing when to say; “This men is dwindling my Fire and I deserve more!”
Learn To Let Go Of The Host Voice & Its Power Over You
Those of you who are familiar with my teachings, know that I often talk about the Host Voice. It’s a very powerful li’l bugger– it will destroy your life if you let it. When you can learn to let go of its hold over you, you can manifest the kind of relationship that you truly deserve.
To learn to let go is often thought of as an inactive thing—just let go, like a hand relaxing fisted fingers. However, I’m coming to realize that it is actually an active gesture—but not in the way most people think it is. Let me explain.
Many motivational guidance counselors will tell you to relax the fisted fingers, only to pick up something else: telling you to constantly be filling your head with positive thoughts of self-love and encouragement, so that you can drown out the Host Voice.
I don’t agree. I think that actively forcing a different thought is not going to help. What happens is you are then stuck warding off the bad thoughts and forcing yourself to have good ones. That’s too exhausting and in moments of weakness, you will crack like an egg and life will seem too unbareable.
I think the best thing to do is to allow the Host Voice to blabber on and on and on. Instead of yelling at it to go away or start pushing yourself to have new, improved thoughts, I think it’s best to have no resistance. Because, when you push against something, it only comes back at you will equal force.
Learn To Let Go: Surrender To The Host Voice
Surrendering to the Host Voice is the better option than trying to drown it out with new thoughts. Surrendering to it allows it to rush through you like a tidal wave, preaching its lies as it goes (“You are so stupid for what you did!” “You need that guy to survive so be his doormat if you have to!”). Surrendering is not meeting the wave with any resistance. Just let it flood your thoughts like it usually does, but this time I want you to be a witness to it, instead of a puppet of its lies.
Being a witness to your Host Voice is like being an objective observer. You watch it, you listen and you understand it for what it is: a lying coward! Surrendering and being the witness is a very passive way of rendering the Host Voice powerless, but it is the most effective. If you start getting mad at yourself for having negative, weak thoughts or trying to run from the thoughts, they will end up catching up with you and winning! When you allow them to come and go as they please, but knowing all the time that they are useless thoughts, the Host Voice will slowly disappear.
How Is Passive Surrender Still Active?
I will use the design of the human body to explain:
Our muscles function in a way that can feel misleading. When your leg is relaxed on a chair, it actually isn’t relaxed. There is a group of muscles that are working against the muscles that you use to move your leg. These muscles are actively engaged, even though you feel at rest. These muscles are actually working even when you are asleep.
Well, you can work against your Host Voice the same way that these muscles actively work to keep you at rest. The way you do this is by allowing!
You have to ALLOW the floodgates to stay open and not tighten up. You have to allow the Host Voice to rush through. AND you have to allow your emotional reactions to what the Host Voice preaches. If you have, for example, thoughts of not being enough for a man or fears that you won’t find another man to love you, you have to ALLOW those thoughts and FEEL everything that those thoughts are provoking in your emotion centers. You have to ALLOW yourself to cry, yell, panic, etc.
NOW… you don’t indulge the Host Voice—you STILL have to be the WITNESS. So, you also have to ALLOW the witness to come forward, too. The witness inside you will see the thoughts for what they are and will see the feelings for what they are too: simply energy that needs to be felt and released.
You can’t run from the Host Voice and try to pretend that you aren’t sad if you are, or angry, worried, etc. You have to ALLOW all the feelings to surface and LEAVE YOU. That is the best way to release a load that you do not want to carry.
The Story Of The Two Monks & The Woman
There is a wise ol’ story about two monks who were walking through a town, into the countryside. On the way, there was a woman who was struggling to cross a river with her parcels. One of the monks carried her across the river. The other monk watched with disapproval.
Four hours later, they were still walking together and the disapproving monk turned to the other monk and said; “Why did you carry that woman across the river. We aren’t supposed to hold a woman in such an intimate way.”
The other monk looked at him and said; “I put that woman down hours ago, why are you still carrying her?”
To me, this story is about allowing. The disapproving monk represents the people who tell you to drown out the Host Voice with other voices because it’s wrong to allow yourself to have bad, self-depricating thoughts. The monk who was able to emotionally let the woman go was the monk who allowed himself to feel for the woman. He represents my way of surrendering to your negative thoughts and feelings.
Allowing thoughts and feelings is hard, especially the feelings. Society has taught us to be ashamed of our bad thoughts and to shut down our negative, self-loathing feelings. That is why learning to let go is an active process. You have to strengthen those muscles that are engaged when you are at rest. Even during moments of meditations, these “muscles” that keep you surrendering to the moment are engaged, and these muscles have to be exercised through constant self-awareness.
Building An Emotional Connection With Men: Closeness Through Detachment
If you want to have a healthy and happy emotional connection with men when in a relationship, detach from your negative voices to create a stronger emotional connection to him.
Your inner “host voice” (I call it a host because it’s not you but is a parasite living inside your brain) is like the media. It’s fear-based and fills you with despair, anxiety and even anger. Just like the 5 o’clock news stories about homicide and injustices around the city can make you lose faith in humanity, your host voice will make you lose faith in love.
Stop Trying To Control Your Host Voice
Your host voice is like a cat—it’s gonna do what it wants. If you try and shut it up, you’ll end up expending so much mental energy that you won’t have time to live for the happy moments in life. (Try holding a cork over a geyser while enjoying your day.)
Best to let that voice speak its mind. Just let it ramble on and on and get upset and get pessimistic and rude… Just don’t give it any weight. Know that it is a LIAR and a PARANOID LOSER. Even if there’s some truth to its messages (every good liar sprinkles in some truth to strengthen his deception), you don’t have to let that truth dampen your self-esteem.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women From Connect With His Heart: Ways We Turn Him Commitment Phobic
So what that you are a little needy sometimes or can be controlling when you get emotional? Treat the barks and growls of the host voice as CONSTRUCTIVE criticism (of him or of you) and DON’T ALLOW yourself (or your image of him and the relationship) feel “less than” because its in a mood.
Detaching From Your Host Voice Isn’t Detaching From Your Emotions
Too many people fear their feelings. We are a society of victims who are at the mercy of our powerful emotions. It’s an ironic truth because we do everything in our power to squelch our yucky feelings and yet in doing so we give them power.
Your emotions are going to find a way out of you. They are like those cats that you hear about that are dropped miles away from home and still find their way back. They will find a way out of you whether you want to acknowledge them or not. They are like David Blaine—getting out of a triple-bolted trunk at the bottom of 20-ft deep pool. No stopping them.
However, this cat is going to end up scratching the crap out of your relationship. This is David Blaine escaping the pool only to shoot the gathered crowd of amazed spectators with five rounds from a semi-automatic.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women From Connect With His Heart: Is He A Good Man Or Am I Just A Beoyatch?
I can’t tell you how many women I speak with who HAVE NO IDEA how their subconscious mind in working to push a man away. These women are telling me “Please help! I love him!” yet the way they tell me they behave in the relationships are so distancing. Some of them might as well have a sign on their forehead that says, “Don’t trust me. I’ll tell you I love you and then I’ll scream, cry, blame, freak out, get passive aggressive, send you indirect, subtle hints about how I see things and ultimately disappear.”
Detach By Being An Observer & Having A Mature, Smart Understanding Of Things
It’s best to feel all your feelings fully and to watch them like they are a circus of crackheads. Let your emotions be felt (AND EXPRESSED) but don’t let them be in the driver’s seat in your relationship.
If you start feeling anxious, paranoid, scared, slighted, hurt, angry, etc.—put up the white flag and surrender to those feelings. Let them come and go freely. However, DON’T, do anything about them. Tell your man how you feel (“I feel really hurt by what you said. Even if it wasn’t meant that way and I know you love me, it didn’t feel good”) but don’t start letting your host voice and negative feelings puppet your words and behavior so that you are flying off the handle, assuming things, shutting him out, lashing out and retreating as punishment when you don’t even know (and will never truly know) why he did or didn’t do something.
Emotional Connection Happens When You Can Trust Him
You have to trust him more than you trust the host voice and your negative emotions. That doesn’t mean you trust him like a blind fool. You can still be smart about love and see things from an objective, adult mindset when he has acted badly. But if you are to stay with him, you need to trust him.
Emotional connection with a man happens when you can share your feelings (emotional intimacy) and do so without shaming him. Instead of getting upset or angry about something he did, tell him you’re angry. It’s like a warning to him and also an extended hand asking for help from a trusted source.
Read More Relationship Advice For Women From Connect With His Heart: Win His Heart With “Emotion Seduction”
When you get upset and scream, yell, blame, etc., he’s the problem. But when you express your feelings, he’s not the problem but is the facilitator who can help your negative feelings switch back to being positive ones. He becomes your protector and soother and you are asking him to help you feel better. He doesn’t care that he caused the problem (in every relationship someone is going to piss off someone at some point), he cares that he has the power to make it all better quickly and easily before the sh*t hits the fan.
Spouse Advice: The Divine Union Of Marriage
Check out my article for YourTango.com
What if marriage was seen like a child that two spouses were raising together? Would love prevail?
I recently read an article on marriage that asked spouses to dismiss the idea of equality in partnership. Its author called for couples to stop tallying points, stop having power struggles and just love and honor their significant other as selflessly as possible.
More from YourTango: How To Better Love Your Husband
Well, the majority of the many comments posted about the article were surprisingly hostile—most people didn’t agree, to say the least, with the author. They felt his advice was not pratical and some women readers took it as chauvinist. But I took a lot of good from its words.
Now… first, let me say, as an ex-wife, my respect for an article that preaches selflessness in marriage didn’t blind me to understanding the commenters points of view. I can see how spouses, who are feelings a lot like I did in my marriage (resentful, angry, loneliness, unseen, unheard and unappreciated), wouldn’t find too much to latch onto in an article that tells couples to “surrender to love”, urging them to happily pick up the slack where their partner has gone lax. That probably feels very frustrating– it can make someone feel that their loneliness (which is a horrible experience on its own), is shameful and wrong to have. However, I saw a clear and beautiful message in that article: one about the real definition of love as a verb.
What if we, as a society, could see marriage like a third entity, like a child two spouses were raising together? Would we still be stuck in power struggles? Do we, as parents, say, “I’m going to support and nurture this baby when and only as much as my partner. And if he/she does less than me to help with this kid, I’m going to abandon this baby”? Most mothers and fathers would never dream of saying that.
Love Him Too Much? When Love Betrays You
Do you feel like your connection with the man you love is so deep, you don’t know where he ends and you begin?
Does this same man cause you so much pain and anguish that sometimes you don’t know how to escape the roller coaster of enormous emotions?
Sometimes, we have a poor sense of self and we end up loving him too much. When you love a man too much, you are allowing yourself to get lost in the relationship. You slowly feel more and more like an ice cube melting into the connection you share with a man, until you no longer have a distinct shape and form. You are just a lost soul, dependent on the relationship for the answer to your life’s happiness.
It’s happened to me. Right after my husband left, I got involved with a toxic man. At the time I was feeling so lost, lonely and scared. I had been with my husband for years and I didn’t know how to process the pain of the marriage, the death of the union and the deep fears I had about never finding love again. Instead of feeling my feelings and working everything out at a healthy pace with my therapist, I dove into this distracting, whirlwind love-nightmare with Mr. Unavailable Narcissist.
The combination of who I was walking into the relationship along with the way I felt about myself because of the relationship made me into a shell of a person. I had terrible anxiety that included scary dreams, a constantly shaking foot, the lost of appetite and the inability to calm down. I was on a high one day (he’s paying attention to me) and then I’d crash into lows so bad, my body felt like it was slipping into the earth.
More From Connect With His Heart: When You Can’t Let Go Of Him
I left the relationship (if you could call it that) after a few months but I went through physical withdrawal symptoms as if I had been trying to get of drugs or gambling. It was weird and scary. It frightened me because I didn’t understand how I had lost myself so much—how I could do, say and accept crazy things in the relationship from a guy I didn’t even really like as a person. Sure, I ‘loved’ him (obsessed was more like it), but did I really respect the person he was? No. I thought he was a real danger to himself and other women. When we were together, I felt so anxious I just wanted to leave but when he wasn’t around (which was often), all I wanted to do was be near him.
Is Your Relationship With Yourself Is Suffering? Your Self-Image Is MIA?
The biggest lesson I learned from that wild and dark relationship was that I not only lost myself in the relationship, I didn’t have a sense of myself BEFORE the relationship. If I had, I would have RUN from him.
If you feel like you are like one of those blurry, transparent human images they use in movies to signify a ghost, chances are that you have been struggling for a long time with knowing yourself.
Do you really know who you are? Do you really, truly know happiness? Because happiness isn’t the high you get from the relationship when he is acting nice and attentive. Happiness is consistent, calm and feels safe. It’s more a lazy day in the sun on the back porch than some wild, exciting time at a theme park. It can actually seem boring sometimes, if you don’t surrender to it. Again, I ask you, Do you know happiness?
Do you know your deepest fears? Do you know what stops you from happiness? What relationship patterns have you been living your whole life that have stopped you from sharing in consistent, safe intimacy and commitment?
More From Connect With His Heart: But I Know He Loves Me
When my toxic relationship ended, I was left with so many open wounds. I was a mess but it was all a beautiful blessing. I went on a quest to know myself better and to understand why I had allowed myself to blend into men instead of walk independent, strong and happy along side a wonderful man.
My journey was tough. It was scary. It was humbling and it made me mad. I saw how much I had sabotaged my happiness at every turn. How I ignored the voice inside me that warned me of bad men or of my own bad behavior. And I listened to the ‘host voice’ inside me (that’s what I call it) that spoke from fear instead of love. The voice that gave me permission to wall myself off from love and look down at good guys as boring, frumpy, dorky, wimpy losers. That voice made me think that only damaged bad boys were worth my time.
Once I started to heal my wounds, everything about the way I related with men changed. I started looking for good men and acting like a good woman who was capable of intimacy and love.
Do You Have Too Much Masculine Energy With Men?
Masculine energy screams at a man, “Rough me up, big boy, I dare you. I can take it!” And there is nothing romantic and loving about a man feeling that coming at him from a lady! He may want to bang you, but get close to you emotionally? Nope.
Look, masculine energy isn’t a bad thing in a woman. I have LOADS of it and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my relationship. The key is to balance it with feminine energy when relating with your man. Men don’t want to be with other men who just happen to have vaginas, they want to be with women who feel, smell and sound like women.
What Masculine Energy Does
Men ARE attracted to masculine energy; however, it’s for reasons that don’t equal love. Masculine energy in a woman is sexy to a man; it makes his honey-stick hard as a rock, exciting him in ways that he can’t even understand. (This is why you save this energy for the bedroom!) The problem with masculine energy is that it makes men compete with you, challenge you and play other various power games with you. Sound fun? It can be but so is playing with fire. Both will burn you. Why?
Men don’t fall deeply in love with masculine energy. They may obsess over a chick with it for a while, chasing a challenging dame or having amazing sex with a mistress who has bucket-loads of sass and fire, but love happens for a man in an entirely different place. Love comes from the heart and feminine energy captures a man’s heart.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: How To Mesmerize A Man With Your Femininity [VIDEO]
Masculine energy starts and ends with the crotch! It will make you love to argue, throw your weight around, be demanding, act hot and spicy for him. This is all good and dandy and there certainly is a place for this in a relationship, but masculine energy also walls you up. It makes you defensive, hot inside and protective of your inner child. It gives you an aura of “Don’t mess with me!!”. These things may be qualities you covet in yourself and admire in other women, but they aren’t qualities that are going to make a man feel safe with you. And emotional security in a relationship is where deep love breeds.
Feminine Energy Breeds Love
Even the most macho of men (actually, these guys are the most mushy inside) want to have a place where they can take off their ‘man armor’ and feel safe to open up, be vulnerable and be taken care of. Men can’t feel vulnerable around masculine energy because it’s too challenging for them. When you have masculine energy with a man who is trying to open up, he is going to feel like you are telling him to “buck up, you pussy!”. He doesn’t want to feel like that with you. He’s got male friends to do this with. And he certainly WON’T romance you if he feels you are threatening his sensitive side.
Masculine energy in a woman also makes a man feel mothered instead of taken care of. What’s the difference? Mothers have to be authoritative and controlling to a healthy degree. A child needs some structure and a strong parental figure to look to for guidance. The nurturer in you is actually masculine, believe it or not. It’s the same qualities that make for a great, loved boss that also make for a wonderful mom. Look at those women on Nanny911. They have tons of masculine energy (polite yet forceful, strict but loving). Would you want to jump in the sack with them?
If you have masculine energy with a man, he is going to feel castrated. You know how many husbands feel castrated by their polite yet bossy and passively controlling wives? More than you’d like to know. How do I know? They write me all the time, asking me to help their wives and even trying to woo me out of a desperate loneliness and need for validation. This is actually the reason a lot of immature (and some mature) men cheat– they feel castrated and they don’t have the spine and communication skills to speak up about their feelings and needs.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: 5 Ways To Magnetize Men On The First Date
When you have feminine energy, you don’t dictate, control, manage, belittle a man. You automatically make him feel like he can do anything and the world is his oyster. Feminine energy allows a man to expose himself without fear of being nagged, pressured to change himself, judged, condescended, or manipulated. He will know that he can share his underbelly with you and you will hold his truths in your soul like its a heart-shaped locket around your neck.
Feminine Energy Invites A Man To Be Romantic With You
When you bleed feminine energy from your pores, a man can’t help but feel a sense of duty to protect you and shield you from the big bad world. Yes, okay, you are perfectly capable of shielding yourself, but you are also capable of cooking for yourself and this doesn’t stop you from loving a great dinner at a five star restaurant where someone else serves YOU. Romance is same. If you allow yourself to feel soft, sensitive, silly, goofy, laugh-y, sensuous and even unnerved in the presence of a good man, you will trigger his Prince Charming gene. Every man has this gene, it’s just a question of provoking his.
Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women: Sensuality Seduction Tips From A Ghost Orchid
Feminine energy also makes a man romantic because it makes him want to ravish you. When a man sees the more vulnerable and tender side of you (this is more than just a soft voice and a polite attitude– this is about emotional surrender to the moment and to his advances), he will feel horny and eager to put his maleness inside you. It’s a very primal thing and it’s extremely visceral. It’s NOT about the kind of rough and hot sex that masculine energy ignites in his groin and imagination; this is less about conquering and more about possessing. The difference is everything. A man can want to conquer you sexually (tame the shrew) but if he wants to possess you, that’s about closeness. Wanting to possess a woman will make a man romantic and inspire him to woo her like his cherished angel. It will make him want to ravish you and protect you all at the same time: “I’m gonna keep her safe from all those horny men out there who want to sexually consume her the way I want to!”
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You is my ebook for women who want to own their feminine energy and use their masculine energy to help them succeed in the world outside of men and love.
How to Make Him Addicted By Boosting Your Confidence
Are you addicted to a man and want to turn the tables and make him addicted by boosting your confidence level?
For a long time (during my marriage and while dating afterward) I was like an icepick around men. I felt so insecure and sensitive inside that I hardened myself up as a protection against being hurt. I was stiff, quiet and awkward. I had a chip on my shoulder, and felt very uncomfortable receiving sexual attention.
The worst part was that I didn’t even know I was coming across this way. I felt so soft inside, so vulnerable, that I never thought I came across to men like some uppity ball buster. I just thought that men were jerks and so insecure about their manhood that they couldn’t handle a woman of my caliber. The truth, however, was that I was pushing good men away with insecurities and emotional walls.
You Can Be Confident In Other Areas & Still Be Insecure In Love
What helped me stay blind was the fact that I was successful in other areas of my life. I had great girl friends who always told me I was so kind and funny. I was successful at my job and my co-workers all liked me and marveled at my intelligence. But with men, I was a failure.
I hadn’t yet learned how to feel secure in my skin as a sexy, desirable, lovable woman. I THOUGHT I was. I even threw my weight around and told men how amazing I was, but inside I knew that my “confidence” was just a rouse. I was puffing myself up like a puffer fish but it was all just “air”.
The truth was that I would do anything for a man, and my desperation wasn’t attractive… It was a REPELLENT that didn’t make him addicted, but made men RUN!
Once a man got past my hard exterior, he had me and not in a romantic sense. I ended up being a service girl to men– breaking my back to “fill in the spaces” where they slacked off in the relationship. I was planning all the dates, calling more than them, crying and making scenes about their lack of investment, performing sexually instead of enjoying sex.
Once a man had my heart, I no longer had personal boundaries and self-esteem. I was just working hard to keep him at the expense of my own self-worth. I soon hated myself and who I became, but I couldn’t stop. These men were like drugs– keeping me chasing the high that they made me feel.
And this high made me LIE to myself. I told myself that these men were my soul mates, that they did love me and would come around. I told myself that I was their angel, their savior and they needed me to experience REAL love.
There I was each time, living an illusion of a relationship. Even all of my friends would become tired of hearing about these unavailable men over and over again, but in my head, each and every one, at different times in my life, were my soul mates. I knew that if I just loved them enough, they would surrender to me, like I had them.
This never happened.
Why PRETENDING Confidence Doesn’t Work to Make Him Addicted
Quality men can feel the difference between a brittle woman who has something to prove to men about her worth and a soft, sensual woman who doesn’t have a thing to prove. The first woman gives off a competitive vibe with men that is off-putting and feels “dangerous”, while the other type of woman invites men to fall in love with her by being emotionally available and easy to be with.
Men who fall for the brittle icepick woman, the one I used to be, are men with commitment issues. These are men who like the challenge of a hard-to-open-up woman. They like the attention and power it gives them to “break” these women and make them go from brittle bitches to childlike messes who will do anything for their man’s love, even if it goes against personal boundaries.
So, if you want a good man who enjoys intimacy and who works hard for your love, you can’t be the brittle woman. You can’t be a hard-ass who melts into a low-confidence puddle of mush and lets emotionally unavailable, unaccountable men walk all over her.
How to Be a More Feminine, Confident Woman
The key to being the soft, open and warm woman who invites caliber men into her world and gets treated like a goddess is… to have soul-fulfilling passions outside of men.
I used to be successful, fun to be around, kind and silly with my friends and family, but the truth was that it all was not enough. I still felt hollow inside and alone in a way that only could be healed by a man’s love. I romanticized relationships and dreamed about my fantasy man all the time.
This left me chasing love all the time, instead of realizing that love was as simple, slow, gentle and kind as my lazy Saturday afternoons with my girl friends. I was always looking for that all-passion, all-excitement, all-whirlwind romance “high”. However, that high was an ideal that didn’t last for long in a relationship. I loved the “in love” feeling and not the real deal, and the only way to remain “high” was to find men that never would give me the real deal.
So go out and build your confidence around men by dating a bunch of men (or flirt a lot if you are in a relationship), and also find 2-3 things outside of men that make you happy to be alive. Find ways to soften your exterior, by not making men your world. This will draw him in so much faster than you breaking your back to bring him close. Your low-confidence is a turn off and it’s a bad-man-magnet.
For more information about how to make HIM addicted by boosting your confidence and inspire men to love you the right way, sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter.
My eBook Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You will also help with this. The main focus of the book is to empower women to find their inner Female Fire (Rawwrrr) and never let a man take it away!