Don’t Freak Out! Stop Feeling Powerless When He Disappears

Article I wrote for


He wooed and pursued you, and now he’s drifting away. But it’s not your fault and it’s not too late!
Do you feel completely turned upside down, perplexed as to how the relationship you’re in went south? Was he once all about you, telling you that he could see himself with you forever, that you were everything he was always looking for in a woman, and now, he’s avoiding you? When he disappears or pulls back, treating you like the thing that ate his life — isolating himself, acting grumpy and cold — I know exactly how awful and baffled it can feel. I’ve experienced the exact same thing more than once in my life. If you want to stop stressing out over him and the relationship; if you want to stop feeling powerless to this man who you once probably didn’t even like all that much, you need to change your vibe and take back your power.


Yes, The Feeling Of Being Bonded To A Man Is A Powerful Force


First, let me say that I know how deep your feelings go right now. I know how connected you feel to him and how much you have come to rely on him as a safe and nurturing place where you can explore your worth as a woman. After all, he presented himself to be a safe harbor for you. He made himself available to you from the get-go, so that you felt appreciated and adored in a way that you may never have before.
It felt like he was some king who had come in on his gallant steed to save you from life. That kind of link is very hard to break — it almost feels like you let him in so deeply, you no longer know where you end and he begins. He has become a real part of you, and now, you are panicking about the fact that you might (literally) lose yourself when he disappears completely.


When He Disappears, You Can Still Take Your Power Back & Change The Relationship


Though this bond is a very intense force, pulling you to him and making you feel desperate and crazy to get him back, you really are stronger than this force, and you really can take your life back. You can also turn the whole relationship around so that the dynamic shifts, and you become the one calling the shots and feeling grounded and powerful, like you did in the beginning.


Taking Your Life Back…


I’m going to be very honest right now as I talk to you about this relationship. I’m going to be very candid about why you’re stuck so deep in the trenches. If you think back on it now, really think, you might see how this man fell in love with a fantasy of who you were and not with you. I say that because he didn’t really know you all that well when he was professing his love and making bold statements, such as “You’re the woman I always wanted!” He probably said those things on the third, fourth, fifth date, right?


It was as if you had the right pieces that made you a good fit for his idea of the perfect woman (pretty, smart, fun, charming), but he hadn’t seen all of your pieces yet to really know the woman you are… the things about you that make you beautifully imperfect… the things that would make an emotionally available man want to take care of you and bond further with you.


I’m not saying you aren’t good enough for this man. The truth is that no woman is good enough for a guy who comes on too strong in the beginning. That guy isn’t interested in dating a real human — he’s interested in keeping his fantasy woman alive in his head. As long as he can say that a woman isn’t fitting the mold, he can stay unavailable and not have to experience intimacy. (I’m not saying that your man is without-a-doubt emotionally unavailable. The point is that the relationship has shifted, and you are now suffering, when you once felt empowered by him.)


Why You Bought His “Act”


It’s easy to want to believe a man’s professions of love and desire. What woman doesn’t want that kind of attention? However, there’s still a deeper reason for why you were so easily persuaded — you were hungry, starved and ravished for emotional connection and a better sense of self. Think back to where you were at in your life when you met this man. You probably fell for his act because you were in a vulnerable place that made you susceptible.


Perhaps you had just gotten out of a painful break-up, or maybe you’d been single for years, feeling like men don’t find you attractive. Maybe a parent had recently died, or you felt lost in your professional life. Something was going on that assisted in your need to believe his smooth lines. When you don’t feel good about your life and you don’t know how to get back to feeling better, you need so badly for a man to tell you the words that will give you life-force. This sets you up to fall for emotionally unavailable guys who come on strong and then, vanish, and it sets you up to splatter into a well of deep heartache and panic when he disappears.


Let’s Start Building You Up!


Most women have a weaker sense of self — it’s part of our biology. We’re designed this way to help us connect with our mates and our children so that we can procreate and stick around to raise our kids. We tend to get our sense of self from the man in our lives (I’m not talking about who women are as professionals — I’m talking about who we are in our personal lives.) But genetics don’t have to keep us stuck in the well when he disappears. In fact, it’s been proven that we can rewire our brains so that we can have different attachment styles so that we can feel secure with or without a man. It’s called neuroplasticity.


Be His Queen Bee!


The best way to rewire your brain so that you can feel powerful no matter what a man does or says, is to make a shift in how you relate with men. It’s time to stop working to be near him and start letting him come closer to you. A profound change has occurred in your relationship — you were once being pursued and showered with attention, and now, you are the one doing the work. You went from being the center to being the idolizer; you went from being the sun (which doesn’t move) to being the earth (circling around him). In order for you to take back your power, you need to get back to being the sun.


The sun stands in one place, blazing with light, which nourishes the earth. The sun is the focal point and the heart of the solar system; it’s called a “solar” system because the sun is the core of everything. You have to start thinking of yourself as the core of your relationship. You have to start thinking that you are the focal point — the one who’s light nourishes the relationship.


To do this, you first have to stop acting like the earth — you have to stop “moving.” You have to fight your need to go toward him — call him, text him, invite him places, start conversations about the relationship, ask him what’s wrong all the time — all the behavior that signifies that you are trying to be closer to him physically and emotionally. When you “move” in the relationship, you lose your power. You become the worker bee — slaving for the relationship. You are no longer the queen bee; he becomes the queen bee.


He becomes the one who sits back, chillin’, doing minimal effort to keep the relationship intact. But he doesn’t want to be the queen bee. As a woman, you feel good in a relationship when you’re being given to, but men feel good when they provide to women they love. When he’s the center of the relationship, it makes him bored. It makes him feel worthless as a man. He starts to blame you — lowing your pricetag and thinking of you as too desperate or too easy.


How To Inspire Him To Work For Your Love


Right now, you carry the masculine energy, and he has the feminine energy. This dynamic leaves you both dissatisfied. To get back to being the feminine energy and him back in his masculine energy, you have to stop moving and start receiving! Do you appreciate male attention? Do you relish in it? Do the words “thank you” and “you’re welcome” roll off your tongue without thought? A goddess is a master at receiving a man’s attention and affection — she knows how to allow a man to touch her; she feels comfortable with letting a man buy her expensive gifts and shower her with acts of thoughtfulness. She ‘melts’ into a man’s advances like candle wax — her body is fluid, and her face is tension-free.


Goddess energy is welcoming and inviting; it makes him feel like you’re at home with him and that you can be yourself with him. A goddess knows, in her bones, that she deserves the things she receives from a man and she easily expresses her gratitude and appreciation for his gifts. I want you to start being available to receive. Try this — take a deep breath, and look around you. What do you see? A table? A countertop? A tree? A computer screen?


I want you to look at all the things around you, breathe deep, and allow yourself to be grateful for their presence in your life. Say, aloud: “Thank you, countertop, for always being there for me to cook food upon you”; “Thank you, computer, for giving me a window into the world outside these doors.” Speak from a place of centeredness — where you are the sun and these objects are revolving around you.


You may feel really silly doing this exercise, but you’ll also feel more grounded. You’ll feel more like a queen. Every one of your subjects (the computer, the countertop, etc.) is honoring you with their presence and their services, and you are extending your gratitude. A queen knows the importance of saying “thank you” to her loyal subjects. It’s not about entitlement; it’s not about vanity. It’s about honoring people, places and things around you by seeing them and acknowledging the positive effects they’ve had on your life.


Let Your Soul Keep You Grounded When He Disappears


To stop yourself from “moving,” you have to face your fears of rejection and abandonment. You have to cut the tie that binds you to your man in the unhealthy way — in the way that keeps you reliant on him for self worth and stuck down the well when you don’t get it.


In my previous articles, I’ve discussed the tree-energy exercise, where you grab nourishment from the earth to self-soothe and feel emotionally “fed.” It’s my favorite way to feel grounded and cut the unhealthy tie to him. You can also grab nourishment from what I call “soul wants.” When you feel a need to reach for him in any way — call him, talk with him about his attitude — I want you to instead take a deep breath, slow down your thinking and go inward. Ask yourself this question:


“What does my soul really desire right now?”


It could be a walk in the park. It could be a call to an old friend to catch up and laugh. It could be a hot bubble bath with rose petals floating on the foamy surface. It can be anything that takes you away from the problem — that cuts the tie. Therefore, it can’t be about him. If the answer to your question becomes “To call him!!” that’s not your soul speaking to you; that’s your fear. Keep breathing and get in tune with your soul’s voice.


“Soul wants” really help because they keep you still when you break away from yourself for a moment. When the urge to be near him comes on, a fear is provoked so deep in you, and you break away from your spirit. You break away from your connection to the ground, to your soul and to your center. You are then more susceptible to your impulses. When you seek out a “soul want,” you bring yourself back to your core self.


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Enchant Him With My eBook Red Rose Woman!

My ebook is selling like crazy and here’s part of the reason so many women love it…


Men get bored easily.  Most are always looking for a ‘better’ woman.  It’s actually kind of sad.  But this reality doesn’t have to be your reality.  My popular ebook Red Rose Woman shows women how to make an undeniable impression with a man– so much so that even the thought of leaving you will scare him.


How do you turn a lusty love affair into a long-term commitment?  How do you enchant him to the point where you’ve got him saying to himself: “Sure there might be more attractive, successful, smarter, funnier women out there, but I still want HER!”?


The way to do this is to make your presence cherished by him.  You have to make him miss you so much when you aren’t around that the empty space left in your absence is unbearable.


Does He Feel Relaxed And Happy In Your Presence?


The fastest way to a second date is to make him feel comfortable on the first date.  — The quickest way to get your husband to come home every night is to make home a place where he can unwind and feel at ease.  To do this YOU have to feel at ease.  Do you?  Does the relationship make you feel relaxed, satiated and safe to be yourself?  If not, how can you expect him to feel this way?


If you want to cultivate a relationship with him where you and he both feel safe, you need to start communicating with him.  You need to start telling him that you don’t feel safe.  This takes the tension right out of the room and brings both of you into the same emotional space.  In this space you avoid secrets, awkwardness and yucky vibes, and instead you create understanding and open the pathway for direct communication.


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dating help for women


How do you communicate your negative feelings with a man without seeming needy and insecure?


You ARE needy and insecure right now.  You need him more than he’s letting you have him, and you don’t feel confident because of it.  So?  Is that the worst thing in the world?  That the guy you’re dating actually has the power to make you feel bad?  Oh no!


We make way too much of this whole NEEDY thing.  We are a society of terrified people who all feel too much and give too little.  We all want our feelings dealt with but can hardly tolerate others’ feelings.  And some of these sensitive/insensitive people I’m speaking of are men.  You might be dating one.  Better you find out now.


Chances are he really does care about your feelings. The best way to get him listening and caring about you is to make him see that you aren’t uncomfortable with your feelings.  Don’t be scared of yourself.  And don’t be afraid of him and his feelings either.    Having a fearless attitude about your emotions completely changes your vibe.  This attitude allows you to ‘own’ your feelings and not push him away; it allows him to come forward and share his own feelings, once you’ve laid your vulnerability out on the table.


Red Rose Woman will show you how to ‘own’ your neediness and give you the confidence to tell him anything!  This will enchant him beyond measure!


My ebook has helped countless women.  In it, I share tips and exercises to help you become a master at talking with men.  You’ll get so good at it, you’ll see CHATS about commitment, monogamy and relationship status as fun, happy and exciting challenges.  You’ll start to trust men and realize that all they really want to do is make you happy.


If you use the right words a man will melt into putty.  He won’t be able to put up walls, pushing you away with anger or silence.  He’ll feel compelled to help you and he may even deeply desire to hold you.  But this will never happen if you’re afraid of your feelings.  If you think your feelings are too much, then I guarantee your vibe will make him feel the same way!  If you seems terrified of your own emotions, then what’s he supposed to think?


Let my ebook hand you over the power to enchant him in such a way that he’ll be addicted to your company and your companionship.  An enchantress doesn’t pussyfoot around her feelings or pretend to be someone she isn’t.  Her whole aura screams “Here I am!  Aren’t I fabulous?  I think so.”   This isn’t a diva attitude, it’s a healthy human attitude.  A healthy human has different emotional states and relationship preferences.  A woman who knows her preferences (how much space she wants; how much touching she enjoys; the type of touching; the type of humor she enjoys in a man… the list goes on) and who isn’t afraid of her darker feelings, is the type of woman that men want to be around.  These are the women who keep men excited but also make them feel relaxed to share their own “stuff”.


Let Red Rose Woman show you how to enchant him into feeling comfortable around you– even when you’re feeling needy and insecure!



The Prism Effect

get a man to love you, relationship adviceThe Prism Effect:  How To Get A Man To Love You


Men love their freedom.  They’re autonomous before anything else.  If a man feels like a woman will swoop in and take his male freedoms away, he won’t commit.  We all have heard this, right?  But what you might not have heard is that men are also DYING inside to be part of a couple.  They CRAVE partnership.  In fact, I’d argue that they need it more than women do.  Think about it– How often do you hear about the widower who is lost when his beloved wife dies, or the divorced man who seems so much more crushed by the breakup than the wife does?


Men need women.  They need emotional support.  They need to feel emotionally safe.  They deeply desire family and the feeling of coming home to a place at the end of the day where they will be welcomed (flaws and all) and taken care of.  This feeling is what drives a man to want to give up his male freedoms and settle down with a woman.


My eBook shows you the trick to being a modern goddess!


Prism Effect Prism

The type of woman a man chooses the marry is the type of woman who is tender, loving, accepting and sweet.  But she also has strong boundaries.  She’ll never let a man feel like he can treat her however he wants to. The key to being the goddess he commits to is: learning how to walk the earth gently, lovingly, calmly (even meekly at times), but never with the fear of being alone.  If you aren’t afraid to be by yourself or on your own; if you aren’t afraid to say ‘adios’ to a jerk who triggers tons of lust and love in your heart; if you aren’t afraid to put your happiness above ANY man… men will flock to you!


Men want to feel unsafe as much as they want to feel safe!  To do this takes Goddess POWER!

Men want to know that they can take off their manly armor at the end of a hard day at the office, put on some sweats, burp and fart a little while they drink a whiskey and chat about your and their day.  They love that feeling.  It’s safety for them.  But as much as they love that feeling they also NEED another feeling– they need to know that you value yourself.


Men are attracted to danger.  They love excitement.  They all secretly crave a dirty girl in a naughty situation.  Of course most men are decent people and don’t go around ruining their family lives to have that sort of thing, but many think about it.  The way to create this heat and excitement with him isn’t to simply throw on some pumps and a mini skirt(though that helps); you have to make him think you’re EXPENSIVE!  Make him think you’re the kind of woman other men crave and want.


The best way to be an EXPENSIVE woman is to never sell yourself short.


how to act with men, relatioinship habits, dating advice for womenIn my ebook Prism Effect:  How To Get A Man To Love You I talk about being a woman of self-worth.  I talk about loving yourself and your boundaries enough to do the right thing in the long run for yourself (even if that means temporary discipline and heartache)!  A goddess is long-term oriented.  She doesn’t wait by her cell phone to hear from a guy she knows is a jerk, just because she’s hurting in her heart for him.


Being an expensive woman is about getting grounded and getting real with yourself.  It’s about showing a man, using a polite and loving tone (an open heart), that you are caring, sensitive, empathetic and devoted BUT also that you are simply no fool.  You can’t tell a man you ain’t no fool.  Those are wasted words.  You can only SHOW him through your actions and more importantly YOUR VIBE.  You show him by SILENTLY demanding only his very best… and by INSPIRING him to want to give you his very best.


The Prism Effect: How To Get A Man To Love You will show you how to inspire a man’s love


A man will jump through hoops for you if he loves you.  He wants more than anything to make the woman of his dreams happier than she could ever imagine.  An alpha male prides himself in keeping a smile on his girl’s face.  It’s your job to make him want to make you his girl– to have him bestow the girlfriend crown on your head.


Read Prism Effect today and learn how and when to get the girlfriend crown in the relationship.  Learn how to keep your husband come at night, craving only you.

Let My New Ebook Help You Get His Love Back!

The secret to getting his love back forever…


There is nothing worse than waiting my the phone for a man to call.  It makes you crazy.  It drains you, making it impossible to be happy in any other area of your life.  It feels like you’re an airplane pilot, waiting for air traffic control to give you permission to land back into your life.  And then when he finally does call after days or even weeks off being MIA, you’re terrified to say the wrong thing and end up losing him forever.


The wrong path to his love…


If you think that I’m going to advise you to act like you don’t care and to sidestep all your fear, sadness and anger when he calls, you are mistaken.  I will never tell a woman to play games with a man to get him to respond.  I will never tell a woman to pretend to be easy-breezey when she is dying inside to get his love back!


The NUMBER ONE trait in a woman that makes a man back off is PASSIVITY.  Contrary to everything you’ve been told about men, they don’t want a passive woman who doesn’t know how to speak up and share her true self with men.  If fact, the fastest way to push him away is to break away from your true self– the larger the gap between your behavior and your true feelings, the larger the gap between you and his love for you.


The right way to get his love back…


To be the kind of woman a man never leaves, you have to have a Goddess Backbone. You have to be in touch with your emotions, know yourself enough to interpret the meaning of your feelings and to share with a man all that you feel.  A woman who can communicate effectively and tenderly, is the kind of woman who keeps men on their toes.  The goal is to stop tiptoeing and to put HIM on his toes.  That’s the right dynamic for a healthy heterosexual relationship– men think difficult women who aren’t dramatic or unreasonable (but who demand the very best of him) are very sexy!


Don’t be his test subject!


Men test women.  They want to know if a woman has the emotional strength to stick around if things get tough.  Alpha men takes risks in their professional lives, they deal with bullcrap at work everyday.  He wants to know that he can come home, be vulnerable and that you will be strong enough to “hold” his feelings.  Men want to know that a woman can put her man in his place if he acts up or gets too involved in work or the stressors of life.  If a woman can’t even say “I’m unhappy in this dating relationship and I don’t want to feel like this”, then that’s a red flag to man that a woman might be too weak to deal with him and his world.


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My new ebook The Prism Effect:  How To Get A Man To Love You can get his love back and empower your voice!


My ebook will show you how to stop being passive with men.  It will show you how to speak up and assertive your right to say “No”.  Masculine women who are controlling and try to tell men what to do are not attractive and push men away (just like how passive women who can’t share their anger are annoying).  But a feminine woman who isn’t afraid to stick up for her boundaries and say “No thank you” in a classy and graceful way, can make a man sit up and take notice.  Remember– you can’t make a man do something but you can reject the things you don’t want to deal with.


My ebook will help give you the strength to say “No”.  It will show you how to trust in yourself and in your feelings.  It will show you how to be sexy-strong and not a demanding diva. It will help you be the Love Guide in your relationship and show him how to share his more authentic self with you too.


The more authentic you get, the more attractive you become!


What a concept for a woman to hear!  What a ground breaking idea, right?  That you can be raw, honest, vulnerable, dark and flawed and that a man can actually love you for it.  Wow!  And not only is that freeing to believe, it’s TRUE!  The more you expose your soul to a man, the more he falls in love.  The only TRICK is that you have to be MINDFUL about it.  You have to share everything with him without putting a bad taste in his mouth.


The Prism Effect:  How To Get A Man To Love You shows you exactly how to do this.  It will empower you while stripping away your false strength (the crutches you’ve relied on to get his love back that simply don’t work).  Download it now and you can be reading it within minutes (Money-back guarantee if you aren’t happy with my secrets to get his love back!!)

Don’t Lie To Yourself About That Emotionally Unavailable Man!

Article I wrote for YourTango:


That unavailable man is only after one thing: a power struggle.


Pulling your hair out, perplexed and frustrated as to why the unavailable man you love doesn’t seem to reciprocate love? After all, you know that no other woman will ever be as caring and loving as you are with him. Your friends have given up trying to convince you that you’re too good for him. He may have even told you that you deserve better. But despite his lackluster feelings for you, why can’t you stop trying to change him? Why are you holding onto the idea of “I’m the best thing that will ever happen to him?”


Let me guess — in the beginning, he was magical. He treated you better than any man ever has. He seemingly worshiped you and acted pleasantly surprised that such a super woman as yourself gave him the time of day. And this was all happening when you weren’t so nice, so attentive and loving — when you were feeling unsure about him and guarded.


Then you started to care about him. Your heart began to warm over and you started to feel safer in his presence. Soon you were cooking for him, listening to all his problems, working out harder in the gym for him, maybe even buying him things. You were his mother, psychologist, trophy girl and sex kitten all in one. Maybe you were feeling a bit off your center. You weren’t living for your choices anymore; instead, you were influenced by his behavior. You burned bucket-loads of energy on thoughts about him, you became sensitive to his moods, and you planned your week around his schedule.


Then something happened. It was as if he slowly turned around and walked the other way, away from you. He stopped calling as often and metamorphosed into a moody, snippy and cold jerk, as if your love annoyed him.


goddess, love advice for women, relationship issues


This isn’t an article about how you lost this unavailable man because you started to focus on him — that he lost interest because you cared too much or smothered him. Chances are you did nothing unhealthy in the dating relationship. You just started to fall in love, and that’s normal. It’s normal to feel off your center in the beginning of a love affair. It’s normal to think about him and worry about what his actions and words really mean. You cared about him and those feelings made you vulnerable to him. It’s normal that you felt insecure and clingy when he suddenly pulled away without transparent communication — a person with poor conflict resolution skills can bring out your own. Any dating or love advice calling you needy or smothering is only designed to keep you pursuing the wrong type of men.


But here is the real truth: this guy is the wrong guy for you. It’s that simple. You have a lot of love to give. You’re convinced “I’m the best thing that will ever happen to him” because you probably are, and one day he may see that, but it doesn’t matter. Even if he comes crawling back, chances are he will drift away again. He will become ungrateful and feel smothered again. Why? He probably can’t handle closeness in a relationship in the manner that you want, need and deserve. He could be the kind of guy who likes a little more room in his relationships — to feel off his center, to question his own lovability and to have the space to yearn. A guy like this doesn’t care for a woman who is the best thing that ever happened to him; he wants the best power struggle that ever hooked him in. He will never experience intimacy in the safe, loving and joyous way you crave. He won’t know how to express his emotional needs and his feelings, because they confuse and terrify him. Every solid relationship for him, even a marriage, will feel hollow, lonely and boring.


Do you want to know how to cool off “I’m the best things that will ever happen to him” fever? It’s time to recognize your patterns and reclaim your life. First, you need to emotionally and mentally detangle from this unavailable man. The best way to do this is to better understand your emotional needs. What are the positive aspects of this guy that feed your soul? How can you feed that part of you without him? What are the toxic aspects of this guy that keep you like a worm on a hook? What are your deeper insecurities and existential pain that his drama helps you avoid? What is it about being a martyr that’s familiar to you? Did you feel like you had to be the good girl growing up to feel loved? Do you get a twisted power from being the victim of this situation, even if you also feel powerless in it? What about that power feels familiar?

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Get my new ebook The Prism Effect:  How To Get A Man To Love You for 37% off!  All you have to do is sign up for my goddess newsletter!  The book is currently only available to goddesses in my inner circle so hurry and don’t miss out on the discount!