Building Emotional Intimacy: Be His Safe Place (Part 2 of 2)
Being a safe place for your man to rest his “man armor” and relax comfortably is so important. He needs to feel like he can ‘just be’ around you and can share his underbelly with you.
In Part 1 of this article, I discussed how important it is to open up to a man and expose your true vulnerability to him in order to get him opening up too.
Here I want to give you two more ways to build emotional intimacy and get him to open up to you:
Third Way to Build Emotional Intimacy: Touch Him and Adore, Crave, Soak in HIS Touch
Some women are naturally (or have learned to be) open with their physical affection. They touch and caress their man (or everyone they know) lovingly, tenderly, warmly. These women are goddesses.
Sarah Jeanette, my friend and writing partner, is one of these women. She draws you in with her soft, sweet sensuousness, and she does this mostly by touching you as she speaks with you.
If you are not a sensual goddess like Sarah, you CAN BE easily. It just takes practice. It’s all about LOVING touches that SOOTHE the man and INVITE him into the connection.
Please DON’T be one of those women whose touches are PULLING in nature. Touches that are not caresses but are more TAKING in their energy are not mindful touches and push men away!
Examples of TAKING TOUCHES:
You PULL on your husband when you hug him, instead of SLOWLY SINKING INTO deep physical closeness with him.
You pet your man, but your petting is tense and moves TOWARD YOU, like you are trying to make him touch you back. (Your petting should move toward his direction.)
NOW, listen up: Even more important than touching him is RECEIVING his touch. Anytime your man touches you, relax into it, like he’s a hot knife and you’re butter on its blade. Melt into his warmth. Let your muscles relax and invite his touch.
Sometimes this is easy to do, like during great sex, and sometimes it is hard.
If you are mad at your man, you DON’T have to force yourself to melt into his touch, but you shouldn’t jerk away like he is RADIATION, either. It feels so horrible to him.
If you are really mad and hurt, just say that you don’t want to be touched, give him a reason why, and LET HIM back off. If he doesn’t back off immediately, you need to be firm and tell him more forcefully. But let him be the one to back off.
Fourth Way to Build Emotional Intimacy: Be Playful!
Being genuinely playful requires you to feel happy in your life; therefore, you need to start having a positive, loving relationship with yourself.
You should dote on yourself. Take any opportunity to laugh, to have fun, and to relax.
You should make room to feel your negative feelings and be less hard on yourself when you are feeling down. You should take time for you and take care of your mind, body, and soul.
You should find a way to love your job and hobbies and find the joyousness in them.
Indulge your senses to enhance your sensuality.
Once you love yourself in a gentle, playful, forgiving way, and you feel inside like you authentically have a positive, playful, feminine, sweet, soft, silly, giggly energy, you can bring that into your relationship.
Take any moment you can to ENJOY your man and the moments you share together. Refuse to take anything he does or says too seriously.
Find ways to make him warm and smiley and tender and silly inside. I call this “tenderizing him”—you’re trying to make his heart tender and juicy, like a filet in the oven.
Happy moments together create emotional intimacy, because laughter makes your hearts happy, and happy hearts are full of LOVE to give!
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