Are you afraid that you are a clingy girlfriend who gives off a stench with men that screams: “I need you, I need you, I NEED you”?
There are some women who can do and say ANYTHING when with a man and not push him away. These women have a certain confidence about them that always puts a man at ease and never makes him feel “weird” or “off-put” in the relationship. How do they have this confident, do-and-say-anything vibe?
They are not wrapped up in a man. See, you can love a man, care DEEPLY for him and really need him in your life, but if you feel like you wouldn’t be OKAY without a certain man (that he would take your whole happiness away with him if he left), then you are going to have a “scary” vibe about you that is not going to sit well with a man.
This vibe is going to make you question everything you say. It’s going to make you worry about the meanings behind everything he does. It’s going to make his efforts NEVER enough for you: a person is never going to permanently fill a void in your life and your heart knows this, so it makes you pull and pull more and more from him. Your needs become a bottomless pit.
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I get emails all the time from women who are upset that a man didn’t invite them to a certain dinner or didn’t ask for more quality time, or were silent too long on the phone concerning a question asked. These women stress out over the “why” of every little thing. They stress out so much; they have to write me page-long emails.
A clingy girlfriend feels she can’t just express herself freely in her relationship.
They feel “frozen and scared” to speak up to their man (a man THEY ARE GIVING THEIR SACRED, GORGEOUS BODIES TO FOR SEX), and this scared and frozen feeling makes all the anxiety WORSE.
This scared and frozen feeling makes them believe they are “too much” for the man. They feel that the feelings of desperate need and deep fear of losing the man, which are whirling around inside them like a chaotic storm, would scare any man off. And all this fear and anxiety, all this shutting up and keeping feelings hidden, shatters these women’s’ self-esteem!
The best way to change a needy vibe around a man is to stop thinking that only a certain person (or relationship… or ONE relationship) can offer you a happy life. You have to start living fully for TODAY. You have to find the miracles and joys present in everyday life and celebrate them NOW.
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Go take a stroll… literally walk away from your clingy-girlfriend obsession over him:
Look at the trees and think about all the storms they’ve weathered. Smell the flowers planted in the park by your house and listen to the rustling breezes. Open your senses to the world around you. Even thank the plants around you for the air they provide you or the flowers for their beauty.
Get more IN TOUCH with the world around you and with your feelings. If the walk makes you sad, cry. Feel your feelings and don’t be afraid of the negative ones. Step into your emotions. Sometimes we start obsessing over a man as a way of running away from our deep feelings. In fact, it’s been proven that women with depression have more tendencies toward dramatic, unstable, adrenaline-producing relationships that keep their dopamine and serotonin levels up.
Don’t be afraid of your dark feelings and learn to just “be” with yourself. Ask yourself this question: What can I do for myself, free of a man, to feel happier with my life? What am I missing that I think only this man can provide?
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Listen to your inner voice’s answer. Usually we feel so lonely inside, so disconnected from our bodies, our feelings, our families, our neighbors and friends, that we think that only a man’s love can makes us feel whole again. We feel like hollow vessels and we don’t want to slow down and feel ourselves, so we do and do for a man, think and worry about him and our relationship, all to avoid “the silence”.
Don’t Burden Him With Your Insecurities
It’s UNFAIR to a man to be a clingy girlfriend and burden him with guilt and responsibility to fill your bottomless pit of despair. It’s unfair to him to make him feel smothered and drained by your overwhelming need for attention.
He wants to be with a woman who can enjoy life with him, not who will look to him as the solution to her life pain. He wants a woman who doesn’t read into everything and has enough confidence and independence to not “freak out” if he decides he wants a night off, for example.
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A clingy vibe is like a rock tied to a man’s ankle, pulling him under water: You can say and do all the “right” things, but if your vibe SCREAMS with need, he will feel heavy around you, like he’s drowning in your presence.
In my Love Advice Newsletter, I write about this vibe and how it affects a man’s feelings for you. In it, I give you exercises and tools to help you stay PRESENT when with a man and teach you how to heal the dark parts of yourself that SHATTER your confidence when a man starts acting “funny”. See, a confident woman can talk with a man about his issues within a relationship or see that a man is missing certain tools to be in a committed relationship. She doesn’t put it on herself if he takes space, she just looks for solutions or goes out and finds a man who appreciates her more. A lack of confidence stops us from being PROACTIVE. It stops us from sharing ourselves. It makes us feel everything is OUR fault and it makes us make poor decisions that further affect our self-esteem!