Do You Have Too Much Masculine Energy With Men?

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Masculine energy screams at a man, “Rough me up, big boy, I dare you.  I can take it!”  And there is nothing romantic and loving about a man feeling that coming at him from a lady!  He may want to bang you, but get close to you emotionally?  Nope.


Look, masculine energy isn’t a bad thing in a woman.  I have LOADS of it and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my relationship.  The key is to balance it with feminine energy when relating with your man.  Men don’t want to be with other men who just happen to have vaginas, they want to be with women who feel, smell and sound like women.


What Masculine Energy Does


Men ARE attracted to masculine energy; however, it’s for reasons that don’t equal love.  Masculine energy in a woman is sexy to a man; it makes his honey-stick hard as a rock, exciting him in ways that he can’t even understand.  (This is why you save this energy for the bedroom!)  The problem with masculine energy is that it makes men compete with you, challenge you and play other various power games with you.  Sound fun?  It can be but so is playing with fire.  Both will burn you.  Why?


Men don’t fall deeply in love with masculine energy.  They may obsess over a chick with it for a while, chasing a challenging dame or having amazing sex with a mistress who has bucket-loads of sass and fire, but love happens for a man in an entirely different place.  Love comes from the heart and feminine energy captures a man’s heart.


Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women:  How To Mesmerize A Man With Your Femininity [VIDEO]


Masculine energy starts and ends with the crotch!  It will make you love to argue, throw your weight around, be demanding, act hot and spicy for him.  This is all good and dandy and there certainly is a place for this in a relationship, but masculine energy also walls you up.  It makes you defensive, hot inside and protective of your inner child.  It gives you an aura of “Don’t mess with me!!”.  These things may be qualities you covet in yourself and admire in other women, but they aren’t qualities that are going to make a man feel safe with you.  And emotional security in a relationship is where deep love breeds.


Feminine Energy Breeds Love


Even the most macho of men (actually, these guys are the most mushy inside) want to have a place where they can take off their ‘man armor’ and feel safe to open up, be vulnerable and be taken care of.  Men can’t feel vulnerable around masculine energy because it’s too challenging for them.  When you have masculine energy with a man who is trying to open up, he is going to feel like you are telling him to “buck up, you pussy!”.  He doesn’t want to feel like that with you.  He’s got male friends to do this with.  And he certainly WON’T romance you if he feels you are threatening his sensitive side.


Masculine energy in a woman also makes a man feel mothered instead of taken care of.  What’s the difference?  Mothers have to be authoritative and controlling to a healthy degree.  A child needs some structure and a strong parental figure to look to for guidance.  The nurturer in you is actually masculine, believe it or not.  It’s the same qualities that make for a great, loved boss that also make for a wonderful mom.  Look at those women on Nanny911.  They have tons of masculine energy (polite yet forceful, strict but loving).  Would you want to jump in the sack with them?


If you have masculine energy with a man, he is going to feel castrated.  You know how many husbands feel castrated by their polite yet bossy and passively controlling wives?  More than you’d like to know.  How do I know?  They write me all the time, asking me to help their wives and even trying to woo me out of a desperate loneliness and need for validation.  This is actually the reason a lot of immature (and some mature) men cheat– they feel castrated and they don’t have the spine and communication skills to speak up about their feelings and needs.


Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women:  5 Ways To Magnetize Men On The First Date


When you have feminine energy, you don’t dictate, control, manage, belittle a man.  You automatically make him feel like he can do anything and the world is his oyster.  Feminine energy allows a man to expose himself without fear of being nagged, pressured to change himself, judged, condescended, or manipulated.  He will know that he can share his underbelly with you and you will hold his truths in your soul like its a heart-shaped locket around your neck.


Feminine Energy Invites A Man To Be Romantic With You


When you bleed feminine energy from your pores, a man can’t help but feel a sense of duty to protect you and shield you from the big bad world.  Yes, okay, you are perfectly capable of shielding yourself, but you are also capable of cooking for yourself and this doesn’t stop you from loving a great dinner at a five star restaurant where someone else serves YOU.  Romance is same.  If you allow yourself to feel soft, sensitive, silly, goofy, laugh-y, sensuous and even unnerved in the presence of a good man, you will trigger his Prince Charming gene.  Every man has this gene, it’s just a question of provoking his.


Read More Of My Relationship Advice For Women:  Sensuality Seduction Tips From A Ghost Orchid


Feminine energy also makes a man romantic because it makes him want to ravish you.  When a man sees the more vulnerable and tender side of you (this is more than just a soft voice and a polite attitude– this is about emotional surrender to the moment and to his advances), he will feel horny and eager to put his maleness inside you.  It’s a very primal thing and it’s extremely visceral.  It’s NOT about the kind of rough and hot sex that masculine energy ignites in his groin and imagination; this is less about conquering and more about possessing.  The difference is everything.  A man can want to conquer you sexually (tame the shrew) but if he wants to possess you, that’s about closeness.  Wanting to possess a woman will make a man romantic and inspire him to woo her like his cherished angel.  It will make him want to ravish you and protect you all at the same time: “I’m gonna keep her safe from all those horny men out there who want to sexually consume her the way I want to!”




Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You is my ebook for women who want to own their feminine energy and use their masculine energy to help them succeed in the world outside of men and love.

Mesmerize Him This Way


  1. kish says:

    HI Kristina

    I love your articles but being a woman who is feminine in dating has not worked. I do not understand what I am doing wrong.

    I tend to lean back in dating and prefer the man to pursue. I smile, take an interest in men, look and act feminine, warm, appreciate men. Mostly I don’t even let expectations get in the way because I take it as practice.

    However, I have seen that listening to a man, making him feel like a hero and complimenting him just makes him more interested in himself. I have seen guys go on and on about themselves and then automatically conclude that I must be an idiot in comparison to their genius and then given me a lot of unwanted advice as if I were a 3 year old. Somehow, I feel that my value was lowered because of this. I wasn’t flattering or being dumb but it didn’t work. In fact even guys who had complimented me earlier and thought I was high value then seemed to think that if I found them smart, I must not be smart myself and then just started acting like they were ‘above’ me. Many times, giving compliments has led to boasting and being more self-involved even those guys who did not appear to be those types in the first place. Sure, they end up feeling wonderful–but at my cost.
    For me making a guy feel great results in him boasting and showing off more and then acting condescending towards me and giving unwanted advice to “improve” me so that I can be just like him.

    Listening to a man, making him feel great worked great for my likability in general but I found that these men then went ahead and used all that ego boost to go hit on the girls they found really hot. So that didn’t work either. And the only reason they seemed to want to be around me was so that they could get another ego boost like a drug fix. They did not ask me out. Somehow I did not like this feeling of being liked primarily for how I was making them feel. I want to be liked for MY OWN wonderful qualities.
    Giving my feminine energy in dating results in getting a bunch of men-druggies for whom the fix is my femininity and not getting a relationship or a good man who wants me for me. It only increases my likability in a general way.

    Appreciating a man also doesn’t seem to work because even though it makes them feel good, it also makes them feel entitled to favors from me later on.

    So showing appreciation to a man results in him think I owe him.
    Also, not being masculine and not chasing guys gets the guys to pursue. But I am often felt wondering if it is because I present a challenge. What happens once I am won over? This method seems to attract players more than good guys because they love the chase–which I am providing by leaning back. I want to be pursued because they are interested in ME and not what I represent and what it means for them.
    Not chasing in dating for me results getting hit on by players.

    I also find that when I let guy be “the man”, I often find that I have to then go along with whatever the guy wants to do. He may or not may ask for my input and if I offer a suggestion in a feminine indirect way–it is rarely taken. While guys love appreciation, it does not mean they give me what I want or do things for me. Some guys just don’t want to do anything for a girl and no amount of appreciation makes a difference. Not that I appreciate them to *make* them do something but this is what I have observed.

    So letting a man lead for me results in not getting my preference and being stifled.

    The other thing that worries me about letting a man lead is it often attracts very dominant alpha male types whereas I would prefer a toned down alpha male who might be more democratic, not controlling and dominating.

    Being vulnerable has also led to its fair share of problems. Men and women alike think I’m weak and all my softness is just an invitation for people to trample upon me. I get no respect even if I am liked.

    So being vulnerable has led to me being trampled upon. I have to use my assertiveness to back people off and restore balance. My boundaries do protect me but my softness attracts bullies and strong, insensitive people who think they can easily push me around and step on me for their own good. I attract them like bees to honey and they sting! It does NOT attract good people towards me. So “fondueing” myself does not work for me. When I am hard and put up walls, at least it keeps the bullies away. Somehow being liked and being respected become mutually exclusive when you are a soft feminine woman–even with boundaries. Once the bullies see my boundaries, they just walk away to find another victim. The good guys never seem to come. They chase after all the really bitchy girls and then complain about them.

    I really don’t like that a man wants to use me to feel good, masculine and like a hero. That is not my job. He needs to feel good about himself ON HIS OWN. He needs to find his OWN masculine energy and see the HERO in him rather than me. What about men getting their needs met on their own and enjoying a woman for her own sake? Sometimes I feel I should stop doing all these things.

    It is not necessary that feminine mystique will draw someone in and make a man want to make you happy and do things for you. No this is not true–I have seen this repeatedly.

    I do not understand if I’m meeting exceptionally bad men or doing something wrong. Please advise.

  2. kish says:

    Hi Kristina

    I have another question about masculine energy. I do not show off or compete with men or one up them. But THEY act that way towards me WITHOUT me having to do anything. For example, we will be having a simple conversation and let’s say I mention in response to a question that I went to Tanzania for work/vacation. Then, rather than asking me how it went etc., they start talking about ALL of *THEIR* exotic vacations and one up me constantly. Even when I smile and oh and ah over their vacations, they just go on and on as if they are trying to prove that their vacations are better than mine. All this happens even if I mention things in passing–no boasting, belittling them–nothing. I talk normally so it can’t be something condescending in my manner. I don’t look intimidating in any way. I have a rather quiet sober and soft persona although I am enthusiastic as well. But somehow men seem to want to be the “better” party in any interaction. They have to have more money, more vacations, more education and know more than I do. If I happen to equal them in any aspect, they find something “lacking” in me–something I do not know, for example, and start lecturing and advising me on that topic, uninvited, as if to establish their superiority and my need to be “fixed”.

    Sometimes they might hear something good about me through someone else–say we’re in a class together and the teacher praises something I did– then guys will get the compulsion to come up to me and then start this weird competitive one-up man ship game. They “test” my knowledge, skills and no matter how modest I am about my skills and appreciative of theirs, they just go on and on until they have clearly established that they are far ahead of me in one way or another and I am “not all that great” after all as the teacher “mistakenly” said. I just don’t get it. Am I emitting masculine energy without actually doing anything? I am a 5 foot petite babyfaced woman with a soft high pitched voice, bit on the reserved side although I am very confident. I don’t understand how my looks or my personality invites this kind of behavior from men. Somehow I feel that men are more competitive and appear jealous of me compared to women, which is surprising because women can be quite catty and bitchy.

    What can I do to not invite this behavior from men? This has happened consistently since my school days. I really want to be able to enjoy my achievements (not gloat over them) without having to apologize and play it down. I want my light to shine–but in a non-threatening way. No matter what I do, it doesn’t happen. Granted, some men are insecure will do this no matter what. But I lose a lot of male attention this way. All the other women who do not have any achievements seem to get more men. I know men don’t care about achievements but why should it deter them, as long as I am being feminine? Please advise.

    • As a smart women, you will always meet people who are threatened by your intelligence. These boys who competed with you were actually giving you an indirect compliment. They weren’t seeing you as a woman they want to date, they are seeing you as a peer, as someone they can compete with to feel more intelligent. You set the standard for which they want to surpass.
      Continue to be modest and kind but walk away when these types of people start to irritate you. Learn when to gracefully bail out without taking it personally. You don’t take it personally when a mosquito buzzes in your ear– you bat it away. Just politely dip out of the conversation.
      And remember, the right man will be mesmerized by your intelligence and achievements. They will respect you for them.

  3. kish says:

    Hi Kristina

    My third question is regarding what feminine energy does. You mentioned in your article that feminine energy makes men want to protect AND ravish you. This doesn’t happen with me. Men do act protective towards me, usually in a condescending way, but do not want to ravish me as well even if they think I am “pretty” or “cute”. It is mostly like I am their little sister or something.
    How does a feminine woman convey that she is meant for ravishing as well? Am I simply too unsexy? How does a feminine woman exude sexiness without wearing revealing clothes etc. I admit I am not so good at flirting although I love bantering and teasing–what do you suggest I should do?

  4. David Danley says:

    Great article thanks for writing about this. From a guys perspective I think you nailed it. I see so many women that look like a guy in a women’s body. It’s the biggest turn off a guy can imagine. I think women play this role because they see power in it or the road to self esteem due to the way women have been treated and portrayed over the years. Nothing could be further from the truth. Men look at this type of women as someone they want to dominate sexually once. They turn to real feminine acting behaving women as the ones who they will love and have kids with. That’s just a natural response for most guys not all. But we live in a time when traditional roles are changing and so to, family and everything else. I miss the days when things were different. At least from my perspective, when women had the real power to make successful men and even more successful children. They really did rule the planet.

  5. Aurora Michelina-the one and only says:

    This article is extremely negative. Feminine energy comes from the crotch as well. Educate yourself before the next time you have the urge to write such drivel.

  6. Larry says:

    I am married to a woman who in management. We are both at about 75% masculine and 25% feminine. I am a not attracted to her because I want a woman. She makes me feel that we need to pull out our penises and measure them to see who is the “MAN”. I would leave her for a feminine woman in a heartbeat. I understand that she needs the masculine energy at work, but she is unwilling to drop it in our relationship. I am willing to share, to love and have fun with her, but all the fighting over “who’s the man” is just wearing me out and it eliminates my attraction to her.

    • Your relationship with her sounds more like its a power struggle than intimate. Maybe she’s afraid to be vulnerable and soft. Maybe you can lead by example– adding more tenderness and calm to the mix and see if she softens too.

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