Too many women confuse feeling empowered with acting like a ball buster. Partaking in Empowered Dating is all about embracing and exposing more uncomfortable, vulnerable, tender feelings instead of smearing on globs of strong ‘n sassy (men find this challenging more than inviting). Empowered Dating is about being brave enough to sit in the anxious, yucky, totally-out-of-your-comfort-zone feelings associated with letting down your guard.

The key is to allow yourself to feel and share your “emotional nakedness” with men while having a sense of ownership. Owning your feelings and not allowing them to pour over and overwhelm you and your date will enable you share more of yourself and will help him feel safer coming closer and “holding” some of those feelings for you.  It will also make you feel more confident, which is the goal of Empowered Dating!

1. Smart women are vulnerable but never susceptible. The difference between being a soft, sensitive, lush and emotionally florid creature a man would want to snatch up and love forever and being a needy, over-emotional, dramatic woman who makes men run away, has everything to do with susceptibility.

Are you susceptible to losing yourself in a man? Are you susceptible to feeling overwhlemed with neediness and other insecurities? Do you allow your feelings for a man to make you so weak for him that you compromise your self-respect and dignity just to connect with him? My dating advice for women always includes finding YOUR CENTER (your base, your core, your spiritual and emotional HOME) and not FLOOD a man with too many emotional needs!

2. Smart women are grounded but not guarded. If you feel you are susceptible to your more needy side, it’s time you find your grounding. I call it making a conscious effort to “sit on your hands” and not reach out to men. Sharing and exposing your true feelings, needs, wants, dislikes, etc. should be done from a grounded place — from a place of feeling like you aren’t uncontained, needy and out of control emotionally.

A lot of women, unfortunately, confuse being grounded with being guarded. Being grounded actually allows you to not be guarded, but instead to be vulnerable and open. Once you feel yourself walling up, shutting down, getting brittle, putting on a friendly, sexy, fun “act” for a man to hide your true self, you are losing your grounding and becoming guarded as a result.  Empowered dating is all about feeling as open as one of those saloon doors in the Old West– swinging open without ever locking! When you follow this dating advice for women, you immediately appear more attractive to men– more fluid in your body, tension-free in your face and shoulders, and playful in your way of being!

Keep reading this article about dating advice for women …

Or…  Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You for more delicious advice on men!

The post Empowered Dating Tips For A Smart Woman appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

During the budding stages of a new relationship, it’s absolutely normal to feel insecure in love.  Love brings up vulnerable feelings and it puts you in a vulnerable place, so it makes sense that one would be insecure in love when things are fresh.  However, you have to make sure that your insecure feelings aren’t a sign of a toxic man or a bad relationship problems.

You also have to make sure that you don’t allow your insecurities to poison a good relationship.

When You Are Insecure In Love, You Feel Emotionally Naked

I remember when I met my boyfriend. I didn’t know how to process all the vulnerable feelings that that fresh relationship brought up in me. I had spent years playing games with men, even with my ex-husband, and I had made a conscious decision to turn a new leaf and try to be more emotionally available in my dating relationships with men.

Unable to dig into my old bag of dating tricks, I didn’t know how to be open and vulnerable in a dating relationship. I didn’t know any valuable dating advice for women.  I had always resorted to playing hard to get or sending a man on an emotional roller coaster to “hook” him– making a man addicted to you through relationship problems happens all the time.

I felt naked, like my soul was rubbed raw and I was so exposed.  Everything made me think twice and I was constantly stopping myself from analyzing his behavior.  I had to force myself not to “jump the gun” and act out when I didn’t hear back from him for a couple hours, or when I thought a date didn’t go that great.

One Breath At A Time Or You’ll Be Too Insecure In Love & Will Sabotage Things

I had to go moment to moment with my boyfriend in the beginning of our dating relationship or I found myself so insecure in love, I couldn’t relax and allow him closer to me.  There were a few moments where my mind rushed and I couldn’t stay with the moment; I partook in the ol’ “one foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes” routine. 

This is one of the BIGGEST dating and relationship problems out there.  It’s where you pull him toward you because you panic (calling and texting with him too often and too soon and not letting things slowly progress).  Or…  you have one foot on the brakes and push him away (punishing him by ignoring him, avoiding him or “freezing him out emotionally”)

It’s important that you stay in the NOW and don’t end up with one foot on the gas and/or brakes.  It’s important that you don’t rush to play games or act needy out of sheer panic.

He May Also Be Insecure In Love & That’s OKAY!

He may also have issues with getting close to a woman and some of his history could play out with you from time to time.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or that he is even conscious of his behavior.  It just means that, just like you, he’s not a perfect dater or an expert at intimacy and building relationships.

He may, for a short time, participate in a hard to get game or come on way too strong.  That doesn’t mean you have to ditch him, it just means you have to communicate how you feel in a drama-free, honest and direct way and/or let the issue go entirely (a free pass for him to play a silly game or two is not the end of the world.)

Make Sure That Insecure In Love Doesn’t Equal Toxic Love!

Sometimes we feel insecure in love because a man or a relationship makes us feel bad about ourselves.  There’s a big difference between feeling emotionally naked and feeling yucky.

If there’s something about a guy’s behavior or the way he speaks to you that makes you feel less than the best version of yourself, you’re probably in a toxic situation.  If you feel pangs of jealousy– or too conscious about your sex appeal, intelligence, humor, etc.– with a certain guy, you probably need to re-evaluate your reasons for being in that relationship.

Love may make you feel vulnerable but it should also make you feel good.  It should make you feel comfortable on some level too.  If you can’t “let your hair down” with a guy and be yourself with him on dates, then you might be picking up on some judgmental thoughts on his part.

Don’t Let Love Become A Conquest

Sometimes we stay with a guy who makes us feel insecure about ourselves because we think that if we can change something about the way he treats us, then we can redefine our self-worth and self-image according to his new perspective of us.

This is NOT love.  This actually has nothing to do with intimacy and emotional closeness and unconditional support (all the good stuff of love) and is all about validation.  This is a version of “the chase” where you are chasing a certain treatment from him.

Too may women get wrapped up in this conquest/validation thing I’m talkin’ about here.  Most people do, actually, and they end up spending their lives devoid of true love and happy, healthy relationships.

You know those guys that only want hot chicks as a kind of trophy to show off on their arm?  A woman who just wants to work hard to earn Mr. Unavailable’s love is a version of this guy.  She is looking for a way to boost her self-image—to redefine herself as the “savior/hero/martyr”, “the girl who finally got him to commit”, etc.

If you are feeling insecure in love and want some tips and tools to help you handle yourself in a mature, loving, open and honest way so that the man you are dating feels inspired to come closer, check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You.  It’s all about being an enchantress.  See, an enchantress can tolerate and handle feeling “emotional nakedness” and does so with grace and dignity.  She doesn’t play games because she doesn’t have to!

The post Insecure In Love: If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

If a man has recently told you that he wants space from you and the relationship, I know how you feel.  I’ve been in a few dating relationships with men who have taken space.  Sometimes it seems like a man is 100% devoted to dating you and then, all of a sudden, out of the blue (without any real relationship problems),  he wants space.  I was heartbroken and shocked each time this happened to me.

Now it’s time for you to follow my love help advice and soothe your heartache and worries.  It’s time for you to reclaim your life and find your grounding so that you don’t reach out to him and you don’t fall into a well of darkness and low self-esteem like I did countless times before in my past.

What To Tell Him When He Wants Space

When he wants space, you have to give him space.  You have to respect his wishes and his needs.  It doesn’t mean you have to like that he wants space.

So, how do you respect his desire for distance while still being honest about your feelings?  It’s simple.  You tell him how you feel.

Do you feel worried that he’ll never come back?  Tell him.  Do you feel angry that he “slapped” you with this from what seems like left field?  Tell him.  Do you doubt whether you want to stay with him if he does come back?  Tell him.  Are you worried that you did something wrong that caused him to claim he wants space?  Tell him.

Tell him everything you feel—all of it is safe to say; he won’t run further away.  The key is in the DELIVERY.  It’s all about the VIBE you have when you speak with him and in the SPECIFIC WORDS you choose when speaking to him.

My Love Help To You:  Focus On Your Vibe

When you talk to him after he wants space, you have to have grounded energy.  You have to resist the urge to pull him toward you.  Practice planting your feet in the ground and imagining that there are roots coming out of the earth, climbing up your legs.

Imagine that these roots are filled with loving, soothing, calming and comforting “soul food” that nurture you as if you are part of the plant.  So every time you feel the inclination to beg him, plead to him, cry to him, or even to shut down and wall off—I want you to use this dating advice for women VISUAL to help you stay openhearted and still in one place.  Make it so that he can come and go and you aren’t going to interfere by chasing him or pushing him away.

It’s like raising a child.  When you sit back and let the child come to you and tell the child that you are there for him when and if he needs you, he will come closer and closer.  When you are an overbearing caretaker (or a neglecting one), the child develops an insecure attachment with you.  He also can feel unsafe with you—that you are a burden to him emotionally because you are so overbearing.

Be the kind of mother who is available and “at peace” in her heart when you are talking with your man.  Feel secure in your attachment to the earth so that you don’t fall victim to panicking about losing him.

The Specific Words You Use When Talking To Him

When you speak with him you have to not only stay grounded and unwavering in your ability to let him come and go without your interference, you also have to use words that he can hear—words that are effective at communicating your TRUTH.

Stick to talking about your feelings.  You can talk about your feelings for him and your feelings surrounding the fact that he wants space.  You should avoid blame and any words that negate his need for space.

So…

Do say things like:

I love you and I’m sorry if I hurt you.

I appreciate our relationship and I do care about your feelings.

I will miss you during this time but I want to respect your wishes.

Right now I am angry, confused, sad, pissed, going crazy inside, etc.

I don’t know if I can wait for you but I think I’ll try.

I am scared that you are going to leave for good but I will be okay no matter what.

Don’t say things like:

You can’t do this to me!

Please stay!

Fine!  Well then, I don’t want to be with you anymore! (when you do)

You are an a**hole, a commitment phobic jerk, an emotionally unavailable piece of ****, etc.

I won’t be okay if you leave me.

Once He’s Taken Space, You Have To Back Off

When he wants space, it’s time for you to refocus your energy on the parts of your life that have been neglected because of this dating relationship.  What are you passions outside of him?  Who are your friends and family members whom you haven’t seen in a while?

Dust off all the part of you that have been set aside because of the relationship.

Take Gentle Care Of Number #1– YOU

Do the very best to take care of yourself at this time.  Take one day at a time and be very tender, loving, easy and forgiving with yourself.

Try to see his space as a time to self-reflect.  What are the issues that you bring to a relationship that need some altering:

Are you too needy?

Do you commit yourself to guys too soon?

Do you pick the wrong guys?

Are you susceptible to being treated like a doormat?

Do you struggle with sticking up for yourself with men?

Do you have issues with knowing your personal boundaries?

Are you unable to be receptive and available when a man is emotionally available?

Are you brimming with uncontained, hostile emotion that is scary for a man?

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Like I said—be gentle with yourself when he wants space.  However, take the focus off wondering and worrying about him and about how he reacted to you and how he might need something else than what you offer, and instead ask yourself if you are happy with the way you’ve acted in the relationship.

So when asking yourself if you are too needy or too nice, don’t think about it from his point of view and what you think are his preferences.  Think about it from your perspective. Think about whether you would date you.

Don’t Allow Yourself To Be A Victim When He Wants Space

If you feel like his need for space is triggering some abandonment issues inside you, it’s time to face those issues.  Telling yourself things like; “I can’t live without him” and “I feel like I’m worthless now that he’s left” are somewhat normal feelings but too much of that thinking is very unhealthy!

Sometimes when he wants space, we start to romanticize the relationship and our feelings for him grow and grow the more he hurts us and ignores us.  Be sure not to start marinating in the pain of his unavailability.  Make sure not to be giving him more love and attention (even if it’s just in your mind) when he is distant than when he is available.

Some women have issues with this.  They actually only get really “hooked” on the guy when he is pulling back.  If you notice that you are giving far more attention to a man when he is drifting away from you than when he is available and eager to show you love and affection, you have to face the fact that you may have issues with intimacy.

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You to read about my Enchantress Secrets. These secrets are like “goddess love help” rules to follow with men that will not only keep you feeling empowered, grounded and armed with the right words to affect him, they will also get you the kind of guy who deserves you, faces the music with solid communication and doesn’t just say he wants space when it’s probably not warranted.

The post Goddess Love Help: He Wants Space? Now What? appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

What Do You Want Out Of The Relationship?

First, let me ask you; Have you been clear with him about what you want?  Do you even know?  Sometimes we get upset at the idea that a man is just hanging with us until he meets someone who provokes more serious feelings, while we are doing the same thing with him.  So it’s important that you are clear with men and with yourself about whether or not you can see a given relationship lasting for the long haul.

Dating Advice For Women:  How To Talk With Him To Know If He Is Stringing You Along

If you know that he is the love of your life (or you at least know you want more from the relationship), you have to speak with him.  It doesn’t have to be, nor should it be, a heavy and long speech; all you have to do is OPEN UP to him about how you feel.  Simply say something like, “I like you very much and I want you to know that it’s my hope that, up the road, our relationship continues to deepen in love and commitment.”

Then don’t say anything else.  Don’t pry him to see if he thinks there are relationship problems.  Don’t ask him if he agrees with you, or if he doesn’t.  Don’t do anything to “pull” him to you.  Just speak your feelings and allow yourself to remain in the silence.  It’s going to be tough; it’s going to feel awkward and vulnerable.  I always say that the moment after you’ve spoken and while you wait for him to respond is the bravest thing you can do in a relationship.  Are you brave enough to be vulnerable when finding out if he cares or if he is stringing you along?

The Awkward & Vulnerable Silence

That awkward and vulnerable moment of silence is exactly what you want to experience with a man when talking with him about delicate subjects and/or relationship problems.  Once you trample and mask that awkwardness and vulnerability with words that provide relief for the vulnerability, you have lost the chance to deepen the connection.  You have lost the tender realness that you are exposing to him—which is exactly what makes a man fall in love.

His Reaction To Your Words

When he responds to your profession, listen to him with an open heart and with a positive attitude. He may shut down and get quiet; he may be relieved to hear such news.  He may profess his own desire to get closer.  He may also tell you the painful truth that he doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere.  If he tells you this, you have to assume that he is stringing you along.

** Some of the best dating advice for women I can offer is to BELIEVE a man when he tells you that the relationship is nonexistent!**

Please Believe What He Tells You

If he admits to stringing you along and not sharing the same feelings for you as you hold for him, you have to believe him.  Even if you know in your heart that he does love you and he’s just scared and/or wounded, you have to still take his words as truth and tell yourself that he is stringing you along.

Why should you believe him?  Because a man who tells you that the relationship doesn’t hold “forever” for him will never respect you or the relationship in the way you’d need and want him to—even if it does last forever.

Don’t you want a man who would climb to the top of the Empire State Building and profess his love for you?  Don’t you want to know where you stand with a man?  A man who tells you that he doesn’t see himself with you for very long can just meet someone else that does spark those feelings tomorrow and he won’t have anything holding him to you; “I told you it wasn’t for forever.”  In fact, once he’s admitted his lack of love for you, he doesn’t even consider himself stringing you along… and you really don’t have any right to get angry if he leaves.

You will live with a constant feeling of uncertainty and insecurity that will slowly eat away at your self-esteem.

If You Feel Like He’s Stringing You Along, You May Always Feel That Way

Usually when a man makes you feel like he is stringing you along, he’s emotionally unavailable (either to you or in general).  He may not be stringing you along—he may see himself marrying you—but if you don’t feel safe and comfy in the relationship, it may just be that he isn’t sharing enough of himself with you to make you feel a distinct partnership unfolding.  If this is the case, he may just be too emotionally hidden for you.  Some people don’t make their emotions available and they live life more insular.  This can be a problem for their lovers and family members who need to feel security within the relationship.

If your man is emotionally unavailable (I’m not talking sociopath or even jerk—I’m just saying that he isn’t sharing his feelings and thoughts enough), I can tell you that he will always be that way.  He may open up a little over time, sharing tiny fractions of himself more and more, but a person doesn’t go from emotionally unavailable to an open book without serious therapy and self-growth.

If He’s Stringing You Along—DATE

If you feel like the man you love is stringing you along—whether he really is or not—it’s not only time to share your feelings, but it may also be time for you open your heart to new possibilities.  If your talk with him doesn’t improve things, let him know that you want to start seeing other people; “I’m not ready to invest myself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to have the same vision for the relationship that I do.”

Then get out there and date.  You don’t have to sleep with other men (in fact you shouldn’t).  You just have to start taking the focus off this man who is making you feel like he’s stringing you along; start showing yourself that this man isn’t the only guy out there.  You may not have strong feelings for any of the men you meet, but date every guy you do meet who seems like a good guy 3 times.  This is important because a lot of the time it takes 3 or 4 dates to let go of comparing a man to an ex and actually getting to know and like the real him.

If you want to know for sure if he is stringing you along, check out my eProgram, Inspire His Love For You.  It’s serious, AMAZINGLY effective LOVE HELP:  a relationship guide that shows you how to inspire a man’s love and devotion without ever losing your self-respect.  Sometimes we need to refocus our attention in other areas to start feeling secure in the relationship and thus start allowing him to come closer.  Many women blame men for the dissolution of a relationship when in fact they are pushing the man away.  Inspire His Love For You will help make you into the vulnerable and sensual partner that a man needs in his life so that he feels SAFE ENOUGH to open up and fall in love.

A good question to ask yourself to know if Inspire His Love For You is what you need:  How easy is it for you to expose your vulnerability to men?

The post Goddess Love Help: Is He Stringing You Along? What To Do… appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

It’s amazing to me how many smart, professionally successful, sexy, soulful, sensual and sweet women get wrapped up in emotionally unavailable men. And guess what? I don’t blame them, because to a big extent, I blame society.

Society promotes unhealthy, unrequited, dysfunctional love like it’s a fantasy about to come true. While there are so many campaigns to get children and teens eating healthier and learning better in school, there are only dysfunctional relationship movies like Twilight that are teaching young people about love, or rather, I should say, codependency.

Goddess Love Help:  Looking For Love Should Be A Self-Loving Experience Like Changing To A Healthy Diet Or Investing Money In Higher Education

Most women who get tangled up in emotionally unavailable men would never let themselves be unhealthy in other ways. These women care deeply about their physical health. They work out; they are disciplined about eating well. They take time for leisurely activities like meditation and trips to the beach with friends.

These women are also proactive about their careers and aren’t afraid to reach for their career dreams. They don’t get caught up in negative thought patterns at work or within their own families; however…

With men, these women are messes in dresses!

I know because I was one!

Are you one too?

What I Learned About The Relationship Between Love & Discipline When It Comes To Emotionally Unavailable Men

If you want a great body, you have to do the work and make the sacrifices. No more cake, and “hello there” apples and green beans! Well, what I learned about love and emotionally unavailable men is that love is like dieting and emotionally unavailable men are potato chips, deep fried brownies and pizza with the works!

Sure emotionally unavailable men are fun to chase. Many of them have perfected what I call “the first act” because they never have relationships that last long enough to get to even the intermission, no less get through the whole play. These men are addictive and their intermittent rewards (they lovingly respond to our advances only some of the time) are so delicious it can feel like you are riding high on heroin while in their arms.

But when it comes down to it, they are destroying your mind, heart and self-esteem just like a drug.

But Women Always Tell Me; “I Love Him! I Have To Have Him!”

I know how it feels to love someone who you know isn’t good for you. I know how hard it is to break away or how easy it is to make excuses for emotionally unavailable men.

However, just like I could say, “But I love the idea of earning money by not doing anything or getting a great, high-paying job without going to school or building my resume slowly”, I could also say, “But I love emotionally unavailable men and I want this one man to love me! Why can’t I just fight for him instead of go out and find a nice man who doesn’t make me as crazy with love?”

If you want to be happy and healthy you have to do the work! It’s that simple.

Ultimately, It’s About What Matters Most To YOU

Is love addiction (that’s what is happening when you love emotionally unavailable men) really an addiction? Is sex addiction? Is gambling or any other addiction that isn’t literally a chemical addiction? I think so. But I also think that even with an addiction that’s out of your control, you have to want to be sober more than be “high”.

If you don’t have a dream relationship in your head, if you don’t see yourself desperately wanting a loving home with a good husband, children and lots of laughter and family moments together, you may spend forever chasing emotionally unavailable men.

Maybe you don’t have a dream relationship but you are just in so much pain from emotionally unavailable men that you know your patterns have to stop. It’s like obese women who don’t have a dream body in mind but know that if they don’t lose weight, they will end up with serious problems up the road. And just like it takes their general practitioner to scare them into changing their diet, I’m here to force women to look at their love lives from a mature and responsible perspective.

So it’s up to you to know what’s important. But just remember that the choices you make today concerning men really do have a lasting impact. Every emotionally unavailable man you chase ends up scaring your heart and self-worth in a way that’s hard to fix up the road.

So How Do I Know Which Are The Emotionally Unavailable Men?

Do you really need a checklist? Deep down, women always know.

If he doesn’t feel for you what you feel for him and if he isn’t showing signs of wanting and striving for a commitment with you, he’s one of the many emotionally unavailable men out there.

Even if he was coming on strong in the beginning and especially if he was coming on too strong in the beginning, he can still be emotionally unavailable. The hardest thing about breaking free from a man like this is that you get addicted to the beginning of the relationship and trying to get it back. But it’s not coming back because the whole thing with emotionally unavailable men is that the closer you get emotionally, the more they have to break away.

Yes, they come back. Yes, they come back fully invested and ready for a commitment. But nothing about the level of commitment in their heart deepens. And… it’s only a matter of time before they get emotionally distant aand pull back again.

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You and learn all about my enchantress secrets that, when followed like”goddess love help” rules, will build your self-confidence and put you on a healthy man diet!  Dating advice for women is all about spotting “binge dating” before it destroys you!

The post Dating Is Like Dieting! Time To Think Smart About Emotionally Unavailable Men appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

When you have too much masculine energy, you are the pursuer, the hunter, the chaser—you carry the weight in the dating relationship.  Men don’t like this—it feels smothering, needy and controlling for many of them.

My dating advice for women with too much masculine energy is to SLOW DOWN and SOFTEN UP!

When you have feminine energy, you automatically allow a man to have the masculine energy.  You can step back and actually enjoy being pursued and chased instead of feeling resentful and exhausted from tailing him.

STELLAR Dative Advice For Women:  EMBODY Feminine Energy & You Will Attract Men

To be successful at having the feminine energy in the dating relationship with a man, you have to find your center.  You have to feel grounded, no matter what a man is doing or not doing— no matter how frequently he’s calling or not calling.  When you can authentically feel at peace regardless of a man’s behavior and words, you will attract men effortlessly.

Many women think they’re standing in their feminine energy with men, but aren’t.  They confuse assertiveness and strength with feeling grounded.  Being grounded is about being calm and still and allowing the man closer without needing him to come closer.  Being too assertive, you start pulling him toward you, impatient and wanting results.  Here are some signs you are in your masculine energy:

Sign #1: You’re Pulling On The Motor Cord To Attract Men

Know how you have to pull a cord to start a motorboat engine?  It’s hard work—I know, I used to live in Miami on the ocean and went on boats all the time.  Well, when you are in your masculine energy, you are the one pulling the cord to get the relationship going.  If you are calling him, texting him, frequenting places he goes, emailing him friendly forwards, planning the dates, chatting up his friends to see what he feels for you—you are pulling the cord.

This is also about offering extras, as I call it.  When you call him to make sure he knows how to get to your house, or to see if he would like you to pick him up a few things on the way to his house, or to know if he has any questions or requests of you—that’s giving him extras.  Let him decide when he needs more information from you or when to ask for a favor. Follow my goddess love help and make the decision to TRUST that the man will follow through– have PATIENCE that the right man, who WILL follow through, is out there!

Sign #2:  You’re Carrying His Feelings & Thoughts

This includes wondering all the time what he’s thinking; asking him if he’s okay; asking your friends what everything means.  Masculine energy is the more “heady” energy and feminine energy is more about being in the moment and “just being”.  When you are focused on figured him out and controlling and managing his feelings, you are not able to “just be” and thus you can’t attract men.

Don’t expend energy on worrying about him, especially because you’ll never know what he’s thinking and feeling.  Leave it up to him to tell you what you need to know.  Let go of needing to pry into his mind—let it all go like a balloon into the sky.

If you really are concerned about some strange behavior on his part, tell him that you feel concerned and scared, instead of telling him that you think he’s this or that.  Keep it about YOU and YOUR feelings concerning relationship problems—that’s the feminine approach and it will feel much less invasive for him.

Sign #3:  You’re Throwing Your Body At Him

Don’t be the sexual pursuer to attract men.  All men are flattered when women want their sex, but it can also feel desperate and demanding to them.  It can make a man feel uninspired to hunt you and it can make him feel lost as to how to be the wooer and the charmer in the relationship—the role that caliber, confident men pride themselves in embodying.

If you are a sexual assertive woman, wait until he has made the first move to unleash your inner bossy babe; your vixen side can come out in the bedroom once he takes the initiative to seduce you and shows interest first.  Otherwise the man starts feeling like you’re shoving a pill of physical intimacy down his throat and that’s not going to attract men.

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You to learn more goddess love help on how to treat men, so that you can feel confident, feminine and empowered as a woman who men desire.  The book’s 27 enchantress secrets will show you how to make feminine energy-based choices with men, which will allow you to effortlessly attract men like moths to a flame.

The post Signs You Are Working Too Hard To Attract Men appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

If you want to win a man’s heart you have to understand what I call your “cherish quotient”– how cherishable you are!  A man can care about you, like you, desire you or even love you, but to make him fall in love with you, you have to make him cherish you like an angel.  He also has to cherish you like a hot sexy mama that he doesn’t ever want to stop sleeping with.

To make a man feel both safe coming closer to you emotionally while also inspiring him want to ravish you senseless is the KILLAH COMBO that will win a man’s heart.  When you accomplish both of these things, you have a high cherish quotient!

Love Help On Making Him Feel Safe Coming Closer Emotionally

A HUGE mistake a lot of women make is thinking that care taking will make a man feel emotionally safe coming closer.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  You aren’t going to win a man’s heart with caregiving!

If you think that a man is going to have a heart-to-heart emotional connection with you because you do things for him like cook for him, clean for him, buy him things, excuse his poor behavior because he is an addict or just plain immature– you are mistaken.

Love Help: Being the “Good Woman” Doesn’t Necessarily Add To Your Cherish Quotient

A man may appreciate these acts of service and kindness.  He may call you a “good woman” and brag about how good you are to him to his friends and family.  He may talk about how he SHOULD marry you because you’re good—heck he may have married you because you’re a good woman.  But being a good woman isn’t going to win a man’s heart—it may make him fall further in love, but it’s not going to do anything if he isn’t already madly in love.

Being a good woman is possibly going to maybe make him think twice before leaving you or cheating on you, depending on his conscience.  However, it may also make him think he can treat you like a doormat—depending on whether he’s compassionate and if you treat him better than you treat yourself.

It’s All About The Feelings You Can Prick & Provoke With Your Emotional Life

A heart-to-heart connection starts and ends with you’re ability to use your emotions to provoke feelings in him for you and for life, in general.  You’ll often hear me talking about making a man feel alive inside.  If you want to win a man’s heart, you have to make him feel like his moments with you are the moments in which he feels the most connected to his own existence.

Romantic love really isn’t about feeling something for another person as much as it’s a coveting and loving of the way another person makes you feel inside.  It can be about selfless acts and unconditional commitment if you both are mature and capable partners, but the foundation is selfish and based on stirred-up feelings.

Why Drama Queens Grab Men’s Attention

I used to be a drama queen and boy, was I a headache.  I didn’t mean to be dramatic—no drama queen wants to be; however, I was such a whirlwind of spewed, uncontained emotion, it was probably exhausting to be around me.  However, I used to attract a lot of men—not for long, of course, because they would get tired of my antics.  I never won their hearts, but I certainly captured their interest and intrigue, and a lot of that was because I was dramatic.

Now—I’m NOT telling you to be a drama queen to win a man’s heart.  And if you are, keep reading my dating advice for women because these ways of relating that I’m going to talk about are far more effective than dramatics.   However, I first want to say that I mention drama queens because I want to explain why they attract men.

Drama queens make men feel alive inside.  Because they are so impulsive, sensitive and uncontained, it’s as if they are turning up the volume on his emotional states so high that he is able to feel himself through her drama.  Drama is infectious; the more you are around it, the more it stirs things up inside you and the next thing you know, you are taking a roller coaster ride with the dramatic person—experiencing their highs and lows.

Highs and lows are addictive.  I’m sure you’ve met a bad boy or two that set you off on an emotional roller coaster.  Getting away from toxic relationship problems is hard—we plug into the pain.

Make Him Feel Alive In A Safe Way To Win A Man’s Heart

You don’t have to take a man on a roller coaster ride to love you.  In fact, only the men who are damaged and terrified of commitment and love will stick around for the roller coaster.  You can win a man’s heart by helping him explore his depth through your vulnerability.

When you can be vulnerable with a man and show him a secret peek deep inside your heart, you open doors in his.  We learn about ourselves through our relationships and the more you can show a man that you are in touch with your feelings, can easily share your feelings and can deal with your feelings maturely and in a healthy way, the more you can show him how to process his own.

Men Have A Hard Time Processing Feelings

Men have been told since they were small to “man up”.  They don’t know how to tackle all their feelings.  Most of them lead with anger or self-loathing feelings because they don’t know how to process sad, or even tender, happy feelings.   When you can help him feel his own inner life, he won’t be able to forget you or be away from you.  You will be like a roadmap for him to get to his own heart.  That is when a connection happens– that’s when you win a man’s heart and stamp it with your name!

A simple talk about your feelings and your fears can lead to a major conversation about his own repressed feelings and emotional needs.  When you share your inner goddess world with him, a door inside him opens that can’t be closed again—it may terrify him, anger him, make him try to push you away…  But ultimately, it will magnetize him to you.

It will also make him want to ravish you senseless.

There Is Something About Our Vulnerability That Drives Men Crazy With Desire

A recent study revealed that men are aroused by women who appear vulnerable.  Now, I don’t want you to be or appear weak or susceptible—that’s different.  When a woman is weak or susceptible, it makes her needy.

Most men think that vulnerable women are trouble. This study also revealed that these same men, who were attracted to photos of women in vulnerable poses, also said that they would never date these women.  The reason probably has to do with how draining a vulnerable woman can be when she doesn’t have a strong, malleable center that grounds her to the earth.

When you are an enchantress/goddess/siren you are vulnerable but you are NOT susceptible.  You are able to share you softer, tender loving feelings, but you aren’t a train wreck.  You aren’t a doormat or a needy wet blanket.  An enchantress is supple and soft hearted AND she knows when she is simply not going to tolerate bad treatment.  She also knows how to take care of her emotions and self-soothe and not claw at a man to make him take care of her uncontainable feelings.

MAKING HIM WANT TO RAVISH YOU

To accomplish the other half of having a high cherish quotient, you have to make him want to ravish you senseless.  Though physical chemistry is thought to only be an inexplicable and natural thing, it can actually be cultivated.

To increase a man’s attraction for you and to win his heart , you should walk around on this earth like a goddess from another world who owns her sensuality.  When you can feel fluid, luscious, doughy, fluffy, and warm in your body– with heightened senses and a quiet mind that allows you to live in the moment– you can seduce a man.

A sensual woman who brings a man into the moment makes a man feel his own aliveness.  This makes him feel his own body and takes him out of his mind.  When this happens he is in the relaxed state for attraction to build.  His body feel alive, he is lost in you and the moment and arousal builds.

You don’t have to be beautiful with a dynamo body.  You just have to own the body and looks you do have.  You have to walk in your curves and not have abusive thoughts about your self-image.  You have to take care of your looks by indulging yourself with luxurious and yummy-smelling perfume oils, body lotions and body washes.

You don’t have to wear a lot of makeup or get tarted-up.  You just have to do what you can to feel good about yourself.  Forget about obsessing over what he will think; wear what makes you feel sexy inside.  When you feel good about what you are wearing—he feels good around you because you have more confidence and freedom to let loose in the moment.

If you want to know more about how to win a man’s heart– how to make a man come closer emotionally and attracting men with your sensuality, check out my eProgram, Inspire His Love For You.  It’s jammed packed full of very helpful, effective tips, insight and tools to bring that special man close!

The post Dating Advice For Women: How To Win A Man’s Heart appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

Interview File

The post Dating Advice: My AUDIO Interview For RelationshipAdviceCafe.com appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

Jealousy is a completely normal human emotion that many of us encounter from time to time. In a strong and healthy relationship, it’s a feeling that can be overcome through open and clear communication. But if left unchecked, jealousy can have a poisonous effect on any relationship.

With this in mind, here is a look at some of the best strategies available to avoid and deal with feelings of jealousy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/anathea/2760017514/

Why do partners become jealous?

People feel jealousy and envy about any number of things – after all it’s a highly personal emotion and its causes vary between individuals. In relationships however, there are some common events and behaviours that act as triggers.

One of the most common causes for jealousy is when one partner has lots of friends of the opposite sex. For both men and women it can be tough seeing their partner socialize with close friends, particularly if they shared a romantic history.

Other things that can spark a feeling of jealousy or mistrust is when long periods of time lapse between speaking. Social media is another common cause for tension, and many couples experience feelings of jealousy thanks to suggestive pictures or comments on their partner’s page.

Strategies for avoiding jealousy

The first step towards avoiding feelings of jealousy in a relationship is to make an effort to understand them. Jealousy generally stems from a combination of anger, fear and sense of the unknown. It’s usually motivated by the fear of losing someone, or possibly fed by bad experiences in past relationships.

Jealousy rarely appears as a one-off in relationships and rather it usually presents as a pattern of feelings linked to habits or behaviours. Once you’ve identified the common triggers for jealousy, you need to ask yourself, is it a justified feeling?

In a healthy relationship this is something you should be able to discuss with your partner. Try talking to your partner about your feelings, but do so without blaming them.

If their friendships with people of the opposite sex make you feel envious, perhaps you could ask them to include you when they spend time together. For instance for any couples on the Toronto dating scene, why not organize a group social event, like a trip to the ice hockey?

This is a great way to get to know their friends better and to come to terms with their purely platonic friendship.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/78428166@N00/6450184981/

The best ways to deal with jealousy & other relationship problems

If your feelings of jealousy and envy are irrational and unfounded, chances are they will have a poisonous effect on your relationship. Severe jealousy can also have detrimental effects for your health, with symptoms similar to conditions like anxiety, including raised heart rate, exhaustion and in some cases it can lead to depression.

It’s important to take proactive steps towards combating these emotions, and different strategies work for different people. Sometimes distracting yourself can be a good method, particularly during time spent on your own.

If your partner makes plans with friends, don’t sit at home alone. Instead go and see a movie with your own friends, and agree on a time that you’ll get in contact so you don’t spend the day constantly checking your phone and feeling insecure about brewing relationship problems.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion, but trust shared between two people should always prove stronger. If you’re still looking for a special relationship that’s built on feelings of trust, online dating sites such as www.eharmony.ca are a great place to find people who share your core values.

To find out more why not visit the eHarmony.ca Facebook page today?

The post Relationship Problems: How To Overcome Jealousy appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.

If you’re single or in a relationship and want to tie the knot, my friend and fellow dating coach Rachel Russo can help you find Mr. Right and inspire him to take the plunge!

Rachel, a NYC-based Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach for marriage-minded singles and couples, is sassy, smart and very knowledgable.  With a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy, Rachel offers her Status Makeover coaching sessions to help women buff and polish their goddess energy.  She’ll give you confidence, happiness and a li’l sexy in your step to go out into the world and rope in the most fabulous man, effortlessly!

Rachel took some time out from her busy schedule to answer a few questions for my readers.  Read on to discover some amazing online dating tips, advice how on to approach the “talk” about commitment, and more…

You refer to your single and couples coaching sessions as status makeover courses? I love the idea of a status makeover—going for “It’s complicated” or “Is single” to “in a relationship”! Without giving too much away, what would you tell women to expect from a coaching session with you?

The philosophy of Status Makeover is that we should love our love lives—no matter what our status. In an initial coaching session, I’d take an assessment of a woman’s love life. I’d learn the details of her relationship history and her beliefs about dating, relationships, love, and marriage. I’d listen closely to her story to pinpoint patterns and trends. Together, we’d determine her strengths, weakness, opportunities, and threats for achieving her goals for the future. Whether a female client wants to end, find, or keep love, my job in an initial session is to provide her with a solid, fun, efficient, and effective plan for how to do it.

You say that your coaching programs for singles are designed for those people who have it all and just want a great love life. Why do you think there are so many fabulous people who are single? Is it just that they haven’t had time for love, had bad luck in the past or is there some other personality factor that keeps a smart, sexy, got-it-all gal from finding the relationship she deserves?

There are a lot of fabulous people who are single because they have spent most of their life focused on making themselves fabulous. Women today are socialized to develop their career first and then find a man. Many focus too much on work, and before they know it they are never married forty-year olds competing with twenty-five years olds for the few good relationship-oriented men that are still standing. Other women simply spent too many of their best years in love with the wrong guys.

On your site, StatusMakeover.com, you claim that you can show a woman how to look at a man’s online dating profile and see if he’s worth her time. It’s really interesting. What’s one thing you would advise women to look for when scrolling through profiles?

Of course you can’t always judge a book by its cover, but when it comes to online dating profiles; it is in a woman’s best interest to avoid men with red flags. If a woman is looking for a man who is serious about getting married, a short and crappy profile is a red flag. Marriage-minded men get professional headshots and create well-written, detailed profiles. They take the time to make a good first impression because they are genuinely looking for love.

You also offer relationship counseling. What can a woman do to help spice up her sex life with her man? What can she do to build emotional intimacy? Do you think sex and emotional intimacy go hand-in-hand in a long-term relationship?

There are plenty of things a woman can do to keep things hot in the bedroom from roleplaying, sex toys, sensual massages, and sexy outfits, to just reading each other sex scenes in romance novels. Emotional intimacy can be built through open and honest conversations—sans the judgments. A woman needs to share her feelings and show vulnerability with her man so he feels safe doing the same. I think sex is better when there is emotional intimacy, but some couples can still have satisfying sex lives without the intimacy.

Having the “talk” about commitment is really scary for women because it can easily push a man away. What do you advise a woman should say or not say to help get her man to open up and talk honestly and lovingly about where he is at in the relationship?

Call me old school, but I believe a man should lead in terms of relationship progression. I don’t advise women to initiate conversation about where the relationship stands. I believe that if a man wants a serious commitment, a woman will know it. All she can do is be open and honest about how she feels and hope he will be on the same page. With men, actions speak louder than words. If a woman doesn’t see that a guy wants to be serious, she should assume he isn’t ready or willing to commit and keep her options open.

Confidence is so important when dating. It makes a woman or man attractive and easy to be with. However, if a woman doesn’t have much confidence, what do you advise that she can do to feel better about herself and appear more radiantly confident?

If a woman is lacking confidence, I suggest that she give herself and her living space a makeover. When we look beautiful and are surrounded by beauty, we feel beautiful. Sometimes just cleaning out your closet and creating new outfits out of what you already have can make you feel incredibly powerful. Once a woman starts feeling empowered-and not a victim of her circumstances-she naturally radiates confidence.

How can a woman who wants to have a status makeover get in touch with you?

If she’s just flirting with the idea, she can tweet me @RachelTRusso

If she’s pretty much ready to get started, she can email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com

If she wants to start making over her love life today, she can call me at 973 223 6406.

Rachel Russo, MS, MFT

The post Need A Status Makeover? Interview With Rachel Russo Of StatusMakeover.com appeared first on CONNECT WITH HIS HEART -- Relationship Problems, Dating Advice For Women, Love Help.