Finding Mr. Right: From Emotionally Unavailable Men To Nice Guys

affection, appreciate a man, bringing a man emotionally closer to me, creating emotional intimacy with a man, emotional connection, emotionally unavailable man, his affection, how to attract your man, how to be affectionate in a relationship, how to express your feelings to a man, how to get a man to be more affectionate, how to get affection, how to get more emotional intimacy, how to get the affection you crave from him, how to make your husband fall in love, how to make your husband feel loved, how to make your man fall in love with you, how to touch him, husband is cold, keep your man interested, lonely in a relationship, make he crave you, make him want you, need his affection, what do I do

If you’re out there on the dating scene, finding Mr. Right can be an extra-difficult challenge for women with bad pickers.


If you have a propensity to pick emotionally unavailable men, it might be best to stop going for the guys who initially get you hot.  You are going to have to stop listening to your hormones because if you don’t make a conscious, careful effort to change the type of man you like, you probably will continue to pick Mr. Unavailable again and again.


Humans are prone to seek out the familiar; if you have been molded since childhood to deal with emotionally unavailable people (one or both of your caretakers) then you already have the li’l soliders inside you who are prepared for that battle.  Know those people who love extreme sports?  Most people would say, “Why do thrill-seekers want to put their bodies at risk like that?”


Well, adrenaline junkies not only crave the rush, they have been “trained” in that nervous feeling from childhood.  Something about their childhoods lead them to believe large amounts of nerves and excitement were normal, and now, without it, they are more prone to depression.


The Bad Boy Habit Is Ingrained In You—It’s Almost Not A Choice


If you are an adrenaline junkie whose extreme sport is putting up with emotionally unavailable men, it’s time to unwrap yourself from that habit.  This is NOT an easy thing to do.  In fact, it’s a really hard, uncomfortable and nerve-provoking thing to do.


finding Mr. Right, attracted to emotionally unavailable men, emotionally unavailable, dating tips, dating adviceThe reason you probably like bad boys has a lot to do with the amount of intimacy you can tolerate.  If you didn’t have a healthy attachment to anyone growing up—an attachment that made you feel emotionally safe, supported and attended to—you aren’t going to know how to go looking for that in a man.  How could you know what that feels like and looks like if you never had it?


Well, I think you DO know what it looks like and feels like–you were born all-loving, all-trusting…  You were born pure and openhearted.   It’s your job now to go back to that.  (A great book on the subject is Marianne Williamson’s A Return To Love.)


However, it’s very nerve-wracking to take that journey back to your childlike innocence because it requires trust in the unfamiliar.  You’ve been doing you for so long, most the choices you make that you think are conscious are heavily influenced by unconscious feelings.  You look at a guy across a bar and think that you choose him, but your body has chose him long before your mind made a choice.


He’s got that familiar vibe about him.  It’s his looks, his energy, his smell…  you are making choices about him from the moment he’s in your radar.  There was a study done revealing that women choose men who smelled like their fathers.  Other studies have revealed similar finding that we are unconsciously seeking out what’s familiar.  Here’s a doctor’s take on things from the


Dr Le explained: ‘If the parent was not consistently nurturing or there for the child, the child will have expectations that their partner can’t be relied upon.

‘Studies show people will choose dissatisfaction if it’s consistent with their expectations, versus things that make them change the way they see the world.’

Dr Harman added: ‘It may or may not be a healthy dynamic, but it feels comfortable. If people don’t have a lot of self-worth because of early parenting, they enter relationships where that person confirms how they already feel about themselves.’

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


Time For The Nice Guy


If you want to break-free of a bad boy pattern, then you are going to have to go AGAINST what feel good in order to go for what feels right.  Women who like bad boys have their wires crossed.  They move away from safe, secure, loving, tender, trusting relationships.  Those relationships feel yucky—they feel boring and suffocating.


You are going to have to walk through that to re-cross your wires.  You are going to have to tolerate what feels right long enough that it begins to feel good.


The best place to start is with a nice guy.  He doesn’t have to be the one.  He just has to be emotionally available.  He has to be the kind of guy who makes you feel, from the jump, that he’ll call when he says he will and he’ll never leave you with “empty stomach.”


A Nice Guy Isn’t Mr. Abandonment Issues


Some guys who are nice and reliable are also not the kinds of guys whom you want replacing Mr. Unavailable.  If a guy is too needy, it can be far too much pressure on a woman who is used to an emotionally detached man.  If he is constantly asking if you like him and eagerly nagging to know where the relationship stands after a couple dates, you might not want to date him.


A nice, emotionally-healthy guy won’t put pressure on you (you may feel pressured, but it won’t be from him as much as self-inflicted pressure to tolerate intimacy).  He’ll listen to your feelings and not make it just about his need to be comforted, soothed and reassured all the time.  A nice guy with little emotional baggage is calm, understanding and direct.


When Finding Mr. Right, Aim To Be His Friend First


It’s important that you take the pressure off yourself when branching out into the world of dating nice guys.  The best way to do this is to tell yourself that you are looking to see if you and him have friendship chemistry.  You probably won’t be attracted to him at first, but focusing on friendship will help a different type of attraction form– a love connection instead of a lust connection.


Don’t rush physical intimacy.  Just see if you enjoy each other’s company.  See if you like his way of doing things and the manner in which he handles you.  Ask yourself, “Would I be happy with my daughter dating this guy?”


Ask yourself if you think he enjoys having a partner or if he just likes the chase.  You will get a sense of him right away.  If he seems to be in love with you too soon, he may just be emotionally unavailable.  A nice guy who is looking for Mrs. Right will take things slow and will want to know you, not try to create a whirlwind romance around you when he doesn’t even know your last name.


If you give yourself a chance to know him on a friendship level, the physical chemistry will grow.  If he is gentlemanly and kind, you will start to feel an attraction for him.  Your heart will quickly jump on the bandwagon, because it wants to give love to someone who can give it back!


And if you don’t feel anything for him after about 5-7 dates, then cut bait and continue on your journey toward finding Mr. Right.  Don’t stop after just one failed attempt at re-crossing your wires.


Related Links

Dating Without Drama

How To Be A Man Magnet

Men Made Easy!





  1. Girl007 says:

    I did this and I have not had any sexual attraction for my husband. It’s so not fair. They give us advice to go for the nice guy and he has everything, except anything that can do something for a woman “down there.” I’m not sure monogamy can happen for every women. I’ll keep checking out your site and see if there is a product for me.

  2. Genevieve says:

    I honestly feel sorry for whomever wrote this article and for anyone who made this choice in their lives. I have been with my husband for 8 years (Married for 3). He is the epitome of a “Bad Boy”. He is loyal and respectful. A strong, dedicated and amazing husband. He wasn’t easy, and that’s what makes him worth it. I am currently writing about it so people like you can still believe in true raw love. It exists. Please do not settle. Imagine having that amazing attraction towards your husband for decades! I wouldn’t trade any of this. I am now diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and my husband has been my rock. When two wounded people help mend each other it creates a bond nothing can break. It’s the truth. Courage to all you woman who are looking for love, don’t settle until it “feels good”.

    You may contact me if need be, I swear the kind of love yoy want exists.

Leave a Reply