Is your man less affectionate than he once was? Did he used to touch and caress you more often? Maybe it’s because he feels uninspired by the type of love you are currently showing him.
Even if you are working so hard for your man’s love– overworking, over-analyzing, and over doing everything to bring him closer– you may be doing the wrong things. See, the things that you think are loving may not be what he needs from you. Lots of women try to do so much for the relationship– cooking and planning and calling and talking about the future to make a man feel loved. But sometimes a man just wants to enjoy a woman’s lightness (her soft, sweet, calm, and feminine qualities) and doesn’t actually want her to “do” anything for him but relax and be with him. In these moments, just a gentle, loving touch may be enough for him.
Wondering how to touch a man and why physical expressions of love are so important to men, anyway?
There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and it talks about how people have different ways of expressing and feeling love. The author claims to have discovered 5 primary ways that people communicate their love. One of them is touch. Chapman also states that touch is the primary love language for most men, meaning these men need to be touched to feel loved and happy in love.
There are different types of touches, some are comforting, some are seductive, some are lustful, in-the-heat-of-passion touches. It’s important to make sure you are using touch to keep physical AND EMOTIONAL intimacy strong in your relationship with your man. Chances are touch is VERY important to his happiness in the relationship. It can make him feel desired by you and emotionally safe with you.
And if it is his primary love language, as is mine, than you must never underestimate the power of touch in his love and you must take it upon yourself if you love him to learn how to touch him in a way that makes him feel truly loved.
When you touch a man, make sure that you are doing so because you want to show him affection and to physicalize the love you feel in your heart for him. DON’T touch a man for SELFISH reasons.
Read More From This Relationship Advice Blog: How To Get Affection From Him
What do I mean?
How To Touch A Man: Sometimes we touch our significant other or other loved ones out of a need to soothe our own anxiety about something.
Have you ever felt anxious or restless and sat down with your husband or boyfriend and started to rub his arm or leg? Chances were you were trying to calm YOURSELF by touching him. Sounds strange but we humans do this a lot. (It’s kind of like the anxious, stereotypical Italian grandmother who is trying to feed everyone all the time instead of just relax and sit down.)
When you soothe yourself by touching your man, most likely he subconsciously interprets it as “She’s calming me down with this touch, something must be wrong if I need to be calmed!” His alert system is confused because there isn’t anything wrong with him. Thus, he may feel strange about being touched by you. It will seem almost alarming to him on some level and he won’t respond lovingly.
This is especially true if you are the type of woman who likes to control and manage the relationship. If you want to “do” things for him to make him act the way you want him to, and he isn’t– well, this can cause a lot of anxious energy inside you. You will be feeling like he is not “going along with the plan”. You may start touching him to soothe this anxiety inside yourself.
Solution: Next time you are around him and are feeling anxious, soothe yourself.
Make hot tea or taking some deep breaths and try not to touch your man until you feel calmer inside and more “available” to give him love instead of take comfort from him by touching him.
Read More From This Relationship Advice Blog: Mesmerize Him With Your Femininity
How To Touch A Man: Sometimes we also touch a man because we feel emotionally needful.
We feel insecure about the relationship or about something else going on in our lives and we touch him to feel closer. This can make a man think you are needy if it’s done too often. He could feel trapped or smothered and might want to get away from your touch. That, of course, will feel so rejecting to you in your time of need and might make you need further comforting, which he won’t want to offer at that point.
Solution: Try instead to communicate your needs directly with words.
Say “I’m feeling so needful today. I guess it’s because we are having some problems or because I lost that job.” Then do nothing and let him choose to comfort you and come toward you with soothing touches. When you express your feelings clearly, he won’t feel “icky” about your needs, like he will if you are clawing at him all the time.
How To Touch A Man: Take moments when you feel secure in the relationship, CONFIDENT about yourself, and touch him in these moments.
Make your touches gifts to your man. Caress him with strokes that move toward him instead of toward you. This is a more giving style touch. You may think that this is such a small detail, but to someone whose love language is touch, the way you touch and your motives for touching are all picked up by him. He is sensitive to how your touches feel to him– how they affect him.
Plus, when you give touches for selfless reasons, he will be more inclined to give you unselfish affection when you need it.
It’s also important to touch a man at the right moment during conversation to spark DEEP, emotional intimacy in his heart. When you know when a man is feeling vulnerable during a talk with you about something, and you know where and how to touch him, you can make him feel like you are the most loving, trusting, understanding woman he’s ever known. This kind of touch will inspire him to share secrets, reveal confessions, and make him unable to live without your deep friendship in his life. And friendship is so important in a healthy romantic-love relationship.
Read More From This Relationship Advice Blog: How To Connect With Mr. Emotionally Unavailable
Com check out my newest e-book Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You. In the book I’ll show you exactly how to use your touch, your body and your delicious words to magnetize, hypnotize and intoxicate men everywhere!