There is nothing more devastating than feeling like the man you love is just keeping you around until he finds his love. I’ve been in this situation two times. Both men ended up marrying the women they left me to date. I can’t tell you how much it stung to watch these guys walk away and end up happy with someone else. My self-esteem was shattered and so was my heart. Once the second man left me, I vowed never to let another man use me. Are you letting a man use you? Is he stringing you along? Time for some fresh dating advice for women!
What Do You Want Out Of The Relationship?
First, let me ask you; Have you been clear with him about what you want? Do you even know? Sometimes we get upset at the idea that a man is just hanging with us until he meets someone who provokes more serious feelings, while we are doing the same thing with him. So it’s important that you are clear with men and with yourself about whether or not you can see a given relationship lasting for the long haul.
Dating Advice For Women: How To Talk With Him To Know If He Is Stringing You Along
If you know that he is the love of your life (or you at least know you want more from the relationship), you have to speak with him. It doesn’t have to be, nor should it be, a heavy and long speech; all you have to do is OPEN UP to him about how you feel. Simply say something like, “I like you very much and I want you to know that it’s my hope that, up the road, our relationship continues to deepen in love and commitment.”
Then don’t say anything else. Don’t pry him to see if he thinks there are relationship problems. Don’t ask him if he agrees with you, or if he doesn’t. Don’t do anything to “pull” him to you. Just speak your feelings and allow yourself to remain in the silence. It’s going to be tough; it’s going to feel awkward and vulnerable. I always say that the moment after you’ve spoken and while you wait for him to respond is the bravest thing you can do in a relationship. Are you brave enough to be vulnerable when finding out if he cares or if he is stringing you along?
The Awkward & Vulnerable Silence
That awkward and vulnerable moment of silence is exactly what you want to experience with a man when talking with him about delicate subjects and/or relationship problems. Once you trample and mask that awkwardness and vulnerability with words that provide relief for the vulnerability, you have lost the chance to deepen the connection. You have lost the tender realness that you are exposing to him—which is exactly what makes a man fall in love.
His Reaction To Your Words
When he responds to your profession, listen to him with an open heart and with a positive attitude. He may shut down and get quiet; he may be relieved to hear such news. He may profess his own desire to get closer. He may also tell you the painful truth that he doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere. If he tells you this, you have to assume that he is stringing you along.
Some of the best dating advice for women I can offer is to BELIEVE a man when he tells you that the relationship is nonexistent!
Please Believe What He Tells You
If he admits to stringing you along and not sharing the same feelings for you as you hold for him, you have to believe him. Even if you know in your heart that he does love you and he’s just scared and/or wounded, you have to still take his words as truth and tell yourself that he is stringing you along.
Why should you believe him? Because a man who tells you that the relationship doesn’t hold “forever” for him will never respect you or the relationship in the way you’d need and want him to—even if it does last forever.
Don’t you want a man who would climb to the top of the Empire State Building and profess his love for you? Don’t you want to know where you stand with a man? A man who tells you that he doesn’t see himself with you for very long can just meet someone else that does spark those feelings tomorrow and he won’t have anything holding him to you; “I told you it wasn’t for forever.” In fact, once he’s admitted his lack of love for you, he doesn’t even consider himself stringing you along… and you really don’t have any right to get angry if he leaves.
You will live with a constant feeling of uncertainty and insecurity that will slowly eat away at your self-esteem.
If You Feel Like He’s Stringing You Along, You May Always Feel That Way
Usually when a man makes you feel like he is stringing you along, he’s emotionally unavailable (either to you or in general). He may not be stringing you along—he may see himself marrying you—but if you don’t feel safe and comfy in the relationship, it may just be that he isn’t sharing enough of himself with you to make you feel a distinct partnership unfolding. If this is the case, he may just be too emotionally hidden for you. Some people don’t make their emotions available and they live life more insular. This can be a problem for their lovers and family members who need to feel security within the relationship.
If your man is emotionally unavailable (I’m not talking sociopath or even jerk—I’m just saying that he isn’t sharing his feelings and thoughts enough), I can tell you that he will always be that way. He may open up a little over time, sharing tiny fractions of himself more and more, but a person doesn’t go from emotionally unavailable to an open book without serious therapy and self-growth.
If He’s Stringing You Along—DATE
If you feel like the man you love is stringing you along—whether he really is or not—it’s not only time to share your feelings, but it may also be time for you open your heart to new possibilities. If your talk with him doesn’t improve things, let him know that you want to start seeing other people; “I’m not ready to invest myself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to have the same vision for the relationship that I do.”
Then get out there and date. You don’t have to sleep with other men (in fact you shouldn’t). You just have to start taking the focus off this man who is making you feel like he’s stringing you along; start showing yourself that this man isn’t the only guy out there. You may not have strong feelings for any of the men you meet, but date every guy you do meet who seems like a good guy 3 times. This is important because a lot of the time it takes 3 or 4 dates to let go of comparing a man to an ex and actually getting to know and like the real him.
If you want to know for sure if he is stringing you along, check out my Love Advice Newsletter. It’s serious, AMAZINGLY effective LOVE HELP: a weekly relationship guide that shows you how to inspire a man’s love and devotion without ever losing your self-respect. Sometimes we need to refocus our attention in other areas to start feeling secure in the relationship and thus start allowing him to come closer. Many women blame men for the dissolution of a relationship when in fact they are pushing the man away. My free newsletter will help make you into the vulnerable and sensual partner that a man needs in his life so that he feels SAFE ENOUGH to open up and fall in love.
A good question to ask yourself to know if my Love Advice Newsletter is what you need: How easy is it for you to expose your vulnerability to men?