Article I write for YourTango.com
Is the man you love distancing himself from you? Does something feel “off” about his behavior in your relationship? If you feel chronically distraught about the state of things and are desperately trying to keep him interested, you may actually be pushing him further away.
If you are pushing him away, it’s not your fault. We women have been trained to treat men like prizes. When we have a good man in our grasp, we can’t help but worry that we might lose him. It’s like we are in a constant state of worry, wondering if today is going to be the day that we are rejected and put back out there on the brutal dating scene.
Obsessive Thoughts About How To Keep Him Interested
Our emotions get so entangled in a man’s every move. Deep down we know that if we could just keep him interested and snag his attention, everything about our lives would be okay.
I used to feel this way. I put so much pressure on myself to behave the “right” way. I quietly had agonized over what I should reply back to a man in a text message, or how long I should wait to call him. I had nagged my friends with questions about when to bring up a chat with a man about something like commitment or whether it was okay if I planned a date.
I worried about this when I was married too: “Why is he in a bad mood, is it something I did?”; “Should I wake him up to talk about my feelings or should I let him sleep?”; “What can I do to grab his attention and keep him interested so that I can avoid losing him to another woman?”
When Your Self-Esteem Suffers
Constantly worrying about a man’s lack of interest in the relationship can make you crazy. You soon start to question everything you do and you feel like nothing you do for him is going to ultimately keep his interest.
It’s draining and exhausting to work so hard at love. It also makes you feel jealous and irritated. You start comparing yourself to other women and beating yourself up over each and every flaw. You feel like you could somehow keep his interest if you were more perfect in a hundred different ways: better looking, better in bed, funnier, more smiley, more confident on dates… and the list goes on.
Soon it feels like dating a guy is like being a contestant on a beauty pageant, or worse, on The Bachelor.
But What If…
What if you never had to worry about how to keep him interested? What if men were more interested in dating and pursuing you than you currently are interested in keeping him?
It all starts with you. I know it feels like it’s all about him and managing his feelings. But it’s actually your level of self-worth that dictates everything in your love life.
The truth is that you are a goddess. And, you can have a love life worthy of a goddess.
Raising Your Self-Esteem
When you are entirely focused on a man he can feel it. He can sense that there is tremendous pressure on him to make you happy. It’s a sixth sense telling him that your emotions are totally dependent on his.
This feels ‘heavy’ for him. And it makes you unattractive because he translates it to mean that your self-worth is wrapped up entirely in him.
Soon he goes from being emotionally heavy about something outside the relationship to emotionally heavy because of the relationship. It’s like you’ve done it to yourself: your preoccupation with trying to keep his interest has pushed him further away.
The key is to flip things around. The key is to stop seeing him as the prize and start finding a way to feel like a prize worthy of any man.
Ahhh, To Feel Like A Goddess
Next time you around your man, instead of fixating on the lonely, rejected, scared feelings and on all your strategies to keep him interested, put the focus back on you.
Imagine your heart pouring over with love, love that is beyond beautiful. Imagine that your love is sparkly and shiny pink, like pink glitter and that your heart can POP like a piñata and pink glitter can just burst into the air.
Imagine all that pink, glittery love twinkling as it flutters to the floor– lighting up the world with rose-colored, festive, soulful goddess love!