When Men Stop Calling

when men stop calling, he disappeared, dating advice for women

Article I wrote for digitalromanticinc.com:

He was once head-over-heels for you and now he’s heeled it out of there, nowhere to be found.  I’ve been right where you are quite a few times and it always hurt like hell.  The self-doubt, the analyzing and rehashing of each moment of every date trying to figure out what I said or did wrong to push him away.  I would drive myself mad and end up feeling like a toilet, hollow and filled with gook.  But I was able to turn things around when my current boyfriend pulled back and I want to share with you now what to do when men stop calling you, so that you can draw that special man back to you, fast.


• It’s Kind Of Obvious, But If You Need A Reminder:  Don’t Contact Him


Most of us know not to phone, text or email when men stop calling.  But the reality is, we still do it.  Oh yes, we get sneaky and creative when we need to (the resourcefulness of women, I tell ya), and we “innocently” reach out when men stop calling.


Because a man is on our mind, we start to see things in our everyday environment that remind us of him, things we’re convinced he absolutely must know about.  So we send cute memes that have something to do with a date we went on or we send him Groupon.com coupons for classes or events he showed interest in…  You get the idea.


I don’t care how much he needs to know about something—don’t contact him.  The reason has less to do with him and more to do with you.  We contact a guy to get an adrenaline rush, a hit of our drug, but when he doesn’t respond with something that feels good (and let’s face it, only an “I’ve been stuck under heavy furniture and I’m so sorry I haven’t called; would you like to go out to dinner tonight?” would feel good at this point), we come down off that high with a big, resounding thud.  We feel even more shame (the gook in the toilet) and we haven’t accomplished anything.


• When Men Stop Calling, Become The Queen Bee


cold and hot guy


In my Love Advice Newsletter I talk about being a queen bee with men instead of a worker bee.  The queen bee is the heart of the beehive.  She is the reason for everything her little workers do for the colony, and they pay close attention to her, tending to her every need.  I want you to stop buzzing around like a worker bee – worrying when a man will call, scrutinizing every move you make on a date, planning dates, controlling the pace of the dating relationship, asking his friends what happened to him, etc.  Instead I want you to stop doing anything for men and think of yourself as the center of their world.


Read the rest of this article


  1. Amanda K. says:

    This very thing is happening to me now. And I’m unintentionally doing every wrong thing to try to reach him and get answers. He stopped calling out of the blue and I, of course, desperately tried to reach him, using whatever means I could- guilt, anger- trying to play on his emotions. I even went nuclear. When I apologized, he texted and apologized for hurting me, said I am a sweet woman and told me to give him some time, that we will talk. Of course, in an attempt to still be that sweet, cute girl he was attracted to (and to secretly keep myself planted in his brain) I sent him sweet messages to wish him a good day and let him know I’m thinking about him. Now, he’s blocked me on Facebook. I guess what I want to know is: even after all of this, if I do back off and give him his space now, is there still hope that he will contact me? Even though for the past few days, I haven’t respected his wishes for space? Or is the damage done and it’s too late? What are your thoughts? What is your advice?


    • Elizabeth says:

      Hi Amanda,

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so very frustrating. I think it’s important to move on. If he wants to talk to you, he knows where to find you. However, chasing a man is a sure way to drive him away. If you want the kind of guy who cherishes you and can’t stop thinking about you, it’s necessary to back off and let him do the heavy lifting.

      This one isn’t deserving of you. Get out there and meet some more guys!

  2. Carla says:

    I like your advice being a queen bee. I have experience like this before that my ex stop calling me. And when this time come to my life. I`m very disappointed and in deep pain. But I`ve never try to contact him because of my pride. And time comes that I realize that maybe were not really meant for each other and try to move on. So now I`m happy and contented with my present life.

  3. Kiara says:

    Hi Kristina,

    I was wondering what you think would be the best thing to do when actually the reason for him pulling back is the fact that he likes me. I am almost sure I let him down after few dates when he asked me if I was ready to “close the deal” – we were talking about work so that was fitting the conversation. I replied something like ” I like it like this, I am neutral”. His face changed colours and when at the end of the night I kissed him, he was very surprised. The point here is that I truly like him and the way I reacted it’s not what I meant. I replied that way only because even after 3 years I still feel hurt from my last relationship. In my actions and inside myself, since I met him (1 month now), I only cared and thought about him but he probably doesn’t know, how he can after all, considering the way I reacted?

    Now this is the moment where since 2 weeks I can’t get him anymore. I am not harassing him or stalking him or reverting my pain with stupid words or things that we women usually do. But even if he’s always kind with me and my proposals, I feel and it’s clear he’s different, he’s moving away from you.

    I do really like him. The way we met and everything that happened and we felt together can be described only with one word: perfect. I am not talking only about me but also about him and I am pretty sure about this.

    I do hope you have some suggestions for me.

    Many thanks :)

  4. Hot Monica says:

    Very well said… ^^ When that things happens to me… I am just planting on my mind that it is not my lost… It’s his. ;)

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