Do you think that playing hard to get with a guy will create romantic tension and help you to ultimately hook him?
Well, it probably will work– with most men and for a short while. The problem is that it won’t work in the long-term and with mature men who know that quality women are REAL people.
When you act like you are busier than you are and more ‘chipper’ than you usually are, your truth will eventually come out and when it does, you are going to be stuck with a man who liked you when you were more unattainable and smiley. You’re going to be possibly stuck with an immature man who goes for women who aren’t real people with real issues. In order to keep him around, you will have to continue to resort to putting your facade back up.
What if you could play YOU all the time and never have to play a game with a man? What if you had an air about you that made you hopelessly attractive to mature men, even when you were telling men you had absolutely no pre-made plans for the entire week and that you had been feeling rather “down” lately?
Here are 3 words to keep in mind when you want to date without playing hard-to-get with a guy:
Once I dated a guy who was average-looking, had a really dirty home and didn’t make hardly any money. I was totally hooked on this man. Why? He made absolutely no apologies for who he was– he ‘owned’ every one of his flaws, effortlessly. His lack of insecurities made him funny, kind, attentive… He had the sexiest walk I’ve ever seen a man have and was a fabulous lover. He could walk in a room and make friends in a heartbeat. I actually dumped him because he had too many women on his speed dial.
I asked him how he had so much confidence about himself and he laughed, “Why? Because I’m not George Clooney? I’m me and I don’t make enough dough to get doctors to turn me into a Clooney, so I don’t worry about it. I love women and I love laughter and I’m not going to put that on the back burner because I don’t fill out a wife beater like a wife beater!”
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When you can say to yourself, “Look, I’m not the perfect person. I’d rather stay home on a Friday night and I’m a bit sensitive and distrusting, which are areas of myself that I am working on, but I know that I’m also a loving, funny and caring person and any guy worth while would see that”, you will begin to OWN your faults and strengths.
Ownership of the areas of yourself you think are flawed is SELF-ACCEPTANCE and there is nothing more attractive than self-acceptance because it equals confidence!
When you own up to who you are you begin to feel more comfortable speaking the truth about how someone or something makes you feel. I used to have such a hard time telling men that certain things they did were upsetting to me. I didn’t want to sound like a “crazy, needy chick” because I got pissed when a guy waited 3 days after a date to call or when a man hadn’t said “I love you” after six months of dating.
These needs were important to me and just because I didn’t want to feel bothered by them, I still did. What would happen as a result? I’d start to wall myself off to these men and would end up having a disharmonious vibe where my inside feelings didn’t match my outside persona. Men can pick up on this vibe fast and it’s not attractive.
So, what do you do? You tell the truth– always. You just say, “I feel upset that you waited three days to call me. It’s something that bothers me because it make me feel insecure and I don’t want to feel insecure.” And then you don’t say another word. You don’t blame him, you don’t apologize for your feelings, you don’t ask for reassurance, you just speak the truth and OWN your feelings.
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Men will be impressed and won’t know exactly how to react. And if your man doesn’t really fix the issue by apologizing to you and asking you what he can do to make better on his wounding, DON’T get further upset. Just tell him you wanted to be honest and weren’t looking for a solution. After speaking your feelings over a longer period of time, you will see whether this man is interested in hearing your needs or not.
I think a lot more women would stop trying to be Perfect Patty with men if they could look inside the thoughts and feelings of the men they date. Men are human and that makes them sensitive, flawed, insecure and needy too! In fact, the biggest players out there are very AFRAID of women and closeness.
When you can stop for a moment and step back from your critical and scared inner voices and can think about a man’s own issues with himself, you will be more likely to warm up to him.
I always tell women to look at men like they are little boys. When you are on a date, look at the grown man in front of you and imagine what he was like as a boy. Do you think he was shy? A bully? The dorky kid whose mom always packed him the smelly lunch?
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When you can stop idolizing a man and start seeing him for the imperfect human that he is, you will let your guard down more and will have less of a problem showing him that you do care about him, do like him and aren’t playing hard to get.
There’s a big difference between playing hard to get and being a woman who knows her needs and wants to find the right man who can provide them to her. You should be easy to get but easy to lose too! Allow every man to start with an A and let them earn their F, instead of the other way around. Let him see that you think he is nice, funny, and sexy. Let him know that he is someone that could really matter to you and then when he acts up, tell him exactly how his behavior makes you feel without blaming him.
If he doesn’t shape up, then you think about playing hard to get with a guy… permanently!
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