Should You Tell a Man You Love Him First?
Are you falling hard for a man and wondering if it’s a good idea, as a woman, to be honest and tell a man you love him first?
Did you open up to a man recently and tell him you loved him, only to now feel him backing up from the relationship?
I know what it feels like to be head over heels for a man, ready to burst with love and lust, and yet be near-paranoid, worrying if I should share my feelings with him.
I know what it feels like to open up to a man and share my feelings for him, only to hear him say he cares about me but doesn’t love me. (That one really hurts.)
But what you have to keep in mind is that it doesn’t matter whether you tell him you love him first or not. In fact, if he has any self-esteem, and if YOU are doing what I ask every woman to do in a relationship with a man (which is to expose your raw vulnerability to him in your body language and voice), then he will ALREADY know how you feel about him, without you having to say a word.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to a man that you have loving feelings for him, and therefore, just saying those three words isn’t going to push him away.
What will push him away are your REASONS for saying those words.
I talk extensively to women about giving-to-get behavior. When you do something for a man, like express to him how much you love him, you should be doing so because you want him to know how much he means in your life. You shouldn’t be sharing these feelings in order to get him to say he loves you back.
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Your motive for saying something changes the way your behavior comes across to a man (even if it’s a very subtle difference). He can tell, even if it’s subconscious for him, whether you are trying to get something from him with your behavior and words or just risking vulnerability with him by opening up about your feelings.
If you can tell a man you love him and expect nothing back (even if you secretly do want to hear him say he loves you), then he won’t care that you say it. Why? Because he will already know you love him by your vibe around him and he will feel honored by your expression of love. Furthermore, when you don’t freak out that he doesn’t say it back, he may be thrown for a loop and intrigued by your carefree spirit.
This will bring him toward you.
A man isn’t afraid of coming toward a woman when she’s coming toward him. However, most men are afraid of coming toward a woman when she is coming toward them with an energy that demands the same from them.
It feels good to a man when you love him. He likes to feel loved and cared for, even by a woman he doesn’t love yet. It just becomes burdensome for him when he feels you are resenting him for not feeling the same way.
(And by the way, it’s normal if you do resent a man for not loving you, because resentment is a feeling and feelings are young and irrational. Don’t ignore your feelings—let them be felt, just don’t act on them.)
If you do feel devastated that a man doesn’t love you, you can tell him how his lack of love for you hurts you. But again, do not do this while expecting anything back. You are telling him because you want to be honest with your feelings and because you are willing to accept that he may not give you any sign of loving you back.
The more you are honest about your feelings with any man and do so to create intimacy, not to pull him toward you with giving-to-get behavior, the more you will trust in yourself and believe in your worth as a person who has a voice… no matter what the person in front of you feels inside.
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The more you trust yourself and love yourself, the more you’ll start feeling like you deserve a man who loves you back. When you truly feel deserving of a great relationship, you will start inviting men into your life who clearly love you and value you, and you won’t have to worry about whether they will respond well to your expressions of love. You’ll just know they’ll be thrilled to hear you say, “I love you.” You’ll also inspire men who aren’t sure of their love for you to become sure, because they will see how much self-love you have. See, self-love is a big turn-on to a guy because it’s his best evidence that you know how to love well.
So, basically, being honest will lead to self-acceptance, which brings men knocking at your door!
Don’t worry about if you should tell a man you love him first. Just open your little-girl heart and confess your love from a place of soft, sweet vulnerability and true loving feelings. Don’t hang on his response, but instead, pocket your true feelings about the moment, and if he doesn’t say anything back, giggle at the awkwardness in the air. He’ll be blown away by your giving, happy-go-lucky energy, and this will REALLY magnetize his heart!
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You will help you get to that place where you can speak your mind and share your heart WITHOUT fear and insecurities getting in the way of your goddess mojo. It shows you how to own your Female Fire and intoxicate your man with your sexy, wild, passionate independence (Grrrr), along with the soft, glowing embers of your sweet, vulnerable, feminine soul (Mmmm, baby…).