If you want to make him fall in love, it’s best not to have slept with him too soon. It’s hard for a man to change his mind about your relationship if sex happens early on. If you’ve already rassled together, it’s best to be upfront and courageous about expressing your true needs. Read on…
Let me first say that I have no negative opinion whatsoever about women who sleep around. I make no judgments; I sometimes even WISH I could be more like a man and separate hot sex from emotional attachment. That would have made my single years a hell of a lot more fun. I do, however, want to make sure that women know what they REALLY want out from a man when they decide to jump under the sheets with him.
Yes, Men Can Fall In Love Even If You Slept Together Too Soon
Look, there are plenty of men who have no problem falling for a woman who gives it up right away. When you and a man have that instant “thunderbolt”, as the French call it, and the connection occurs right of the bat, he may be one of those guys who give two crappolas if you sleep together in the first days of knowing one another.
The problem is not that his opinion of you will change (which it could) if you sleep with him too soon, the problem is that YOUR needs could change. When you sleep with a man from the jump, please, please, please don’t have any expectations about that relationship. Don’t even assume that he will call you AND if he does call, please don’t assume that it’s for anything more than more hot sex. I’m not saying it won’t be, I’m just saying don’t expect anything.
Read More Love Advice From This Relationship Advice Blog: How To Be Confident With Men & Still Be Soft
What Do I Do Once I’ve Already Slept With Him Too Soon?
Okay, so you’re reading this and going, “Well, this isn’t helping me, Kristina, because I already gave the booty up and now I’m waiting by the phone with serious regret and desperation.”
The best advice I can give you is to be honest and direct and to immediately put up your personal boundaries.
I know that it may seem hard to tell a guy “no” after you’ve already told him “Yes. Yes YES. YES!!!!!”, but just because it seems strange to put up your boundaries now with him, it’s still the right choice. It’s also the most effective choice if you want to know if he has ANY intention of seriously dating you. Because, like I said, if you just stay mum and hope that he will “see the light”, you are going to be disappointed. It’s best you find out NOW if he REALLY likes you or if he just took that free milk!
WAIT FOR HIM TO CALL and tell him flat-out how you feel and what he’s to expect from you:
“I feel really uneasy. I like you and think you’re a great guy and after we slept together I realized that I don’t want to just have a sexual relationship with someone I like. I don’t want to end up hurt. I don’t know your intentions, but I just want to be honest and tell you this.”
And then shut up and hear him out. If he actually likes you (or is capable of having a real relationship with a woman who is emotionally available) then he will be relieved and tell you that he doesn’t intend to just use you for sex. He will express his desire to know you on a more serious level.
If you never hear from him again, just be happy that you didn’t waste your time.
And whatever you do, don’t keep repeating the same pattern. You aren’t going to find your husband and make him fall in love by ripping off your panties the first chance you get. Even if he still likes you after first -night sex, it will be a rare anomaly and will have had nothing to do with the fact that you gave it up right away. So why not wait a few dates (five is a good date number)!
Read More Love Advice On This Dating Advice Blog: Do You Have Too Much Masculine Energy With Men?
(If you have a hard time slowing things down with men and always seem to get drunk and/or give it up too fast on a date, it could be that you have a lot of anxiety about intimacy and getting close to someone. When we fear judgment and get anxious about the idea of really caring about someone who could deeply hurt our hearts, we sabotage things just to alleviate the anxiety. If you do this, please see a therapist. Intimacy issues are very curable and you don’t have to feel so afraid of closeness! I should know, I’ve been there.)
Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You is my empowering man-magnet ebook for women who want to enchant men effortlessly. It’s all about finding your Female Fire and being brave and amazing around men… while still being vulnerable, soft, tender and refreshingly honest. The book’s 27 enchantress secrets will show you how to communicate with men, be more sensual around men and how to know when to be giving with men and when to stop acting like a doormat!